burning out there？〃 He
sounded both worried and mystified。 〃Look； I'll call down there and check it
out。〃
I listened with more interest as he punched in a number。
〃Hey； Billy； it's Charlie—sorry I'm calling so early no； she's fine。 She's
sleeping Thanks； but that's
not why I called。 I just got a call from Mrs。 Stanley； and she says that from
her second…story window she
can see fires out on the sea cliffs； but I didn't really Oh！〃 Suddenly there
was an edge in his
voice—irritation or anger。 〃And why are they doing that？ Uh huh。 Really？〃
He said it sarcastically。
〃Well； don't apologize to me。 Yeah； yeah。 Just make sure the flames don't
spread I know； I know； I'm
surprised they got them lit at all in this weather。〃
Charlie hesitated； and then added grudgingly。 〃Thanks for sending Sam and the
other boys up。 You were
right—they do know the forest better than we do。 It was Sam who found her； so
I owe you one Yeah；
I'll talk to you later；〃 he agreed； still sour； before hanging up。
Charlie muttered something incoherent as he shuffled back to the living room。
〃What's wrong？〃 I asked。
He hurried to my side。
〃I'm sorry I woke you； honey。〃
〃Is something burning？〃
〃It's nothing；〃 he assured me。 〃Just some bonfires out on the cliffs。〃
〃Bonfires？〃 I asked。 My voice didn't sound curious。 It sounded dead。
Charlie frowned。 〃Some of the kids from the reservation being rowdy；〃 he
explained。
〃Why？〃 I wondered dully。
I could tell he didn't want to answer。 He looked at the floor under his knees。
〃They're celebrating the
news。〃 His tone was bitter。
There was only one piece of news I could think of； try as I might not to。 And
then the pieces snapped
together。 〃Because the Cullens left；〃 I whispered。 〃They don't like the
Cullens in La Push—I'd forgotten
about that。〃
The Quileutes had their superstitions about the 〃cold ones；〃 the blood…
drinkers that were enemies to their
tribe； just like they had their legends of the great flood and wolf…men
ancestors。 Just stories； folklore； to
most of them。 Then there were the few that believed。 Charlie's good friend
Billy Black believed； though
even Jacob； his own son； thought he was full of stupid superstitions。 Billy
had warned me to stay away
from the Cullens
The name stirred something inside me； something that began to claw its way
toward the surface；
something I knew I didn't want to face。
〃It's ridiculous；〃 Charlie spluttered。
We sat in silence for a moment。 The sky was no longer black outside the
window。 Somewhere behind
the rain； the sun was beginning to rise。
〃Bella？〃 Charlie asked。
I looked at him uneasily。
〃He left you alone in the woods？〃 Charlie guessed。
I deflected his question。 〃How did you know where to find me？〃 My mind shied
away from the inevitable
awareness that was ing； ing quickly now。
〃Your note；〃 Charlie answered。 surprised。 He reached into the back pocket of
his jeans and pulled out a
much…abused piece of paper。 It was dirty and damp； with multiple creases from
being opened and
refolded many times。 He unfolded it again； and held it up as evidence。 The
messy handwriting was
remarkably close to my own。
Going for a walk with Edward； up the path； it said。 Back soon； B。
〃When you didn't e back； I called the Cullens； and no one answered；〃
Charlie said in a low voice。
〃Then I called the hospital； and Dr。 Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone。〃
〃Where did they go？〃 I mumbled。
He stared at me。 〃Didn't Edward tell you？〃
I shook my head； recoiling。 The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was
clawing inside of me—a
pain that knocked me breathless； astonished me with its force。
Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered。 〃Carlisle took a job with a big
hospital in Los Angeles。 I
guess they threw a lot of money at him。〃
Sunny L。A。 The last place they would really go。 I remembered my nightmare with
the mirror the bright
sunlight shimmering off of his skin—
Agony ripped through me with the memory of his face。
〃I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the
woods；〃 Charlie insisted。
His name sent another wave of torture through me。 I shook my head； frantic；
desperate to escape the
pain。 〃It was my fault。 He left me right here on the trail； in sight of the
house but I tried to follow him。〃
Charlie started to say something； childishly； I covered my ears。 〃I can't talk
about this anymore； Dad。 I
want to go to my room。〃
Before he could answer； I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up
the stairs。
Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie； a note that would
lead him to find me。 From
the minute that I'd realized this； a horrible suspicion began to grow in my
head。 I rushed to my room；
shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my
bed。
Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it。 I pressed down on the top
of the CD player。 The latch
unhooked； and the lid slowly swung open。
It was empty。
The album Renee had given me sat on the floor beside the bed； just where I'd
put it last。 I lifted the cover
with a shaking hand。
I didn't have to flip any farther than the first page。 The little metal
corners no longer held a picture in
place。 The page was blank except for my own handwriting scrawled across the
bottom： Edward Cullen；
Charlie's kitchen； Sept。 13th。
I stopped there。 I was sure that he would have been very thorough。
It will be as if I'd never existed； he'd promised me。
I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees； and then the palms of my
hands； and then it was
pressed against the skin of my cheek。 I hoped that I was fainting； but； to my
disappointment； I didn't lose
consciousness。 The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared
high up and washed
over my head； pulling me under。
I did not resurface。
4。 WAKING UP
TIME PASSES。 EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE。 EVEN when each tick of the second
hand
aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise。 It passes unevenly； in strange
lurches and dragging lulls； but
pass it does。 Even for me。
CHARLIE'S FIST CAME DOWN ON THE TABLE。 〃THAT'S IT； Bella！ I'm sending you
home。〃
I looked up from my cereal； which I was pondering rather than eating； and
stared at Charlie in shock。 I
hadn't been following the conversation—actually； I hadn't been aware that we
were having a
conversation—and I wasn't sure what he meant。
〃I am home；〃 I mumbled； confused。
〃I'm sending you to Renee； to Jacksonville；〃 he clarified。
Charlie watched with exasperation as I slowly grasped the meaning of his
words。
〃What did I do？〃 I felt my face crumple。 It was so unfair。 My behavior had
been above reproach for the
past four months。 After that first week； which neither of us ever mentioned； I
hadn't missed a day of
school or work。 My grades were perfect。 I never broke curfew—I never went
anywhere from which to
break curfew in the first place。 I only very rarely served leftovers。
Charlie was scowling。
〃You didn't do anything。 That's the problem。 You never do anything。〃
〃You want me to get into trouble？〃 I wondered； my eyebrows pulling together in
mystification。 I made an
effort to pay attention。 It wasn't easy。 I was so used to tuning everything
out； my ears felt stopped up。
〃Trouble would be better than this this moping around all the time！〃
That stung a bit。 I'd been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness； moping
included。
〃I am not moping around。〃
〃Wrong word；〃 he grudgingly conceded。 〃Moping would be better—that would be
doing something。
You're just lifeless； Bella。 I think that's the word I want。〃
This accusation struck home。 I sighed and tried to put some animation into my
response。
〃I'm sorry； Dad。〃 My apology sounded a little flat； even to me。 I'd thought
I'd been fooling him。 Keeping
Charlie from suffering was the whole point of all this effort。 How depressing
to think that the effort had
been wasted。
〃I don't want you to apologize。〃
I sighed。 〃Then tell me what you do want me to do。〃
〃Bella；〃 he hesitated； scrutinizing my reaction to his next words。 〃Honey；
you're not the first person to go
through this kind of thing； you know。〃
〃I know that。〃 My acpanying grimace was limp and unimpressive。
〃Listen； honey。 I think that—that maybe you need some help。〃
〃Help？〃
He paused； searching for the words again。 〃When your mother left；〃 he began；
frowning； 〃and took you
with her。〃 He inhaled deeply。 〃Well； that was a really bad time for me。〃
〃I know； Dad；〃 I mumbled。
〃But I handled it；〃 he pointed out。 〃Honey； you're not handling it。 I waited；
I hoped it would get better。〃
He stared at me and I looked down quickly。 〃I think we both know it's not
getting better。〃
〃I'mfine。〃
He ignored me。 〃Maybe； well； maybe if you talked to someone about it。 A
professional。〃
〃You want me to see a shrink？〃 My voice was a shade sharper as I realized what
he was getting at。
〃Maybe it would help。〃
〃And maybe it wouldn't help one little bit。〃
I didn't know much about psychoanalysis； but I was pretty sure that it didn't
work unless the subject was
relatively honest。 Sure； I could tell the truth—if I wanted to spend the rest
of my life in a padded cell。
He examined my obstinate expression； and switched to another line of attack。
〃It's beyond me； Bella。 Maybe your mother—〃
〃Look；〃 I said in a flat voice。 〃I'll go out tonight； if you want。 I'll call
Jess or Angela。〃
〃That's not what I want；〃 he argued； frustrated。 〃I don't think I can live
through seeing you try harder。
I've never seen anyone trying so hard。 It hurts to watch。〃
I pretended to be dense； looking down at the table。 〃I don't understand； Dad。
First you're mad because
I'm not doing anything； and then you say you don't want me to go out。〃
〃I want you to be happy—no； not even that much。 I just want you not to be
miserable。 I think you'll have
a better chance if you get out of Forks。〃
My eyes flashed up with the first small spark of feeling I'd had in too long
to contemplate。
〃I'm not leaving；〃 I said。
〃Why not？〃 he demanded。
〃I'm in my last semester of school—it would screw everything up。〃
〃You're a good student—you'll figure it out。〃
〃I don't want to crowd Mom and Phil。〃
〃Your mother's been dying to have you back。〃
〃Florida is too hot。〃
His fist came down on the table again。 〃We both know what's really going on
here； Bella； and it's not
good for you。〃 He took a deep breath。 〃It's been months。 No calls； no letters；
no contact。 You can't keep
waitingforhim。〃
I glowered at him。 The heat almost； but not quite； reached my face。 It had
been a long time since I'd
blushed with any emotion。
This whole subject was utterly forbidden； as he was well aware。
〃I'm not waiting for anything。 I don't expect anything；〃 I said in a low
monotone。
〃Bella—；〃 Charlie began； his voice thick。
〃I have to get to school；〃 I interrupted； standing up and yanking my untouched
breakfast from the table。 I
dumped my bowl in the sink without pausing to wash it out。 I couldn't deal
with any more conversation。
〃I'll make plans with Jessica；〃 I called over my should