〃Five foot four is perfectly average。〃 I sniffed。 〃It's not my fault you're a
freak。〃
We bantered like that till Hoquiam； still arguing over the correct formula to
determine age—I lost two
more years because I didn't know how to change a tire； but gained one back for
being in charge of the
bookkeeping at my house—until we were in Checker； and Jacob had to
concentrate again。 We found
everything left on his list； and Jacob felt confident that he could make a lot
of progress with our haul。
By the time we got back to La Push； I was twenty…three and he was thirty—he
was definitely weighting
skills in his favor。
I hadn't forgotten the reason for what I was doing。 And； even though I was
enjoying myself more than I'd
thought possible； there was no lessening of my original desire。 I still wanted
to cheat。 It was senseless；
and I really didn't care。 I was going to be as reckless as I could possibly
manage in Forks。 I would not
be the only keeper of an empty contract。 Getting to spend time with Jacob was
just a much bigger perk
than I'd expected。
Billy wasn't back yet； so we didn't have to be sneaky about unloading our
day's spoils。 As soon as we
had everything laid out on the plastic floor next to Jacob's toolbox； he went
right to work； still talking and
laughing while his fingers bed expertly through the metal pieces in front
of him。
Jacob's skill with his hands was fascinating。 They looked too big for the
delicate tasks they performed
with ease and precision。 While he worked； he seemed almost graceful。 Unlike
when he was on his feet；
there； his height and big feet made him nearly as dangerous as I was。
Quil and Embry did not show up； so maybe his threat yesterday had been taken
seriously。
The day passed too quickly。 It got dark outside the mouth of the garage before
I was expecting it； and
then we heard Billy calling for us。
I jumped up to help Jacob put things away； hesitating because I wasn't sure
what I should touch。
〃Just leave it；〃 he said。 〃I'll work on it later tonight。〃
〃Don't forget your schoolwork or anything；〃 I said； feeling a little guilty。 I
didn't want him to get in trouble。
That plan was just for me。
〃Bella？〃
Both our heads snapped up as Charlie's familiar voice wafted through the
trees； sounding closer than the
house。
〃Shoot；〃 I muttered。 〃ing！〃 I yelled toward the house。
〃Let's go。〃 Jacob smiled； enjoying the cloak…and…dagger。 He snapped the light
off； and for a moment I
was blind。 Jacob grabbed my hand and towed me out of the garage and through
the trees； his feet finding
the familiar path easily。 His hand was rough； and very warm。
Despite the path； we were both tripping over our feet in the darkness。 So we
were also both laughing
when the house came into view。 The laughter did not go deep； it was light and
superficial； but still nice。 I
was sure he wouldn't notice the faint hint of hysteria。 I wasn't used to
laughing； and it felt right and also
very wrong at the same time。
Charlie was standing under the little back porch； and Billy was sitting in the
doorway behind them。
〃Hey； Dad；〃 we both said at the same time； and that started us laughing again。
Charlie stared at me with wide eyes that flashed down to note Jacob's hand
around mine。
〃Billy invited us for dinner；〃 Charlie said to us in an absentminded tone。
〃My super secret recipe for spaghetti。 Handed down for generations；〃 Billy
said gravely。
Jacob snorted。 〃I don't think Ragu's actually been around that long。〃
The house was crowded。 Harry Clearwater was there； too； with his family—his
wife； Sue； whom I knew
vaguely from my childhood summers in Forks； and his two children。 Leah was a
senior like me； but a
year older。 She was beautiful in an exotic way—perfect copper skin；
glistening black hair； eyelashes like
feather dusters—and preoccupied。 She was on Billy's phone when we got in； and
she never let it go。
Seth was fourteen； he hung on Jacob's every word with idolizing eyes。
There were too many of us for the kitchen table； so Charlie and Harry brought
chairs out to the yard； and
we ate spaghetti off plates on our laps in the dim light from Billy's open
door。 The men talked about the
game； and Harry and Charlie made fishing plans。 Sue teased her husband about
his cholesterol and tried；
unsuccessfully； to shame him into eating something green and leafy。 Jacob
talked mostly to me and Seth；
who interrupted eagerly whenever Jacob seemed in danger of forgetting him。
Charlie watched me； trying
to be inconspicuous about it； with pleased but cautious eyes。
It was loud and sometimes confusing as everyone talked over everyone else； and
the laughter from one
joke interrupted the telling of another。 I didn't have to speak often； but I
smiled a lot； and only because I
felt like it。
I didn't want to leave。
This was Washington； though； and the inevitable rain eventually broke up the
party； Billy's living room
was much too small to provide an option for continuing the get…together。 Harry
had driven Charlie down；
so we rode together in my truck on the way back home。 He asked about my day；
and I told mostly the
truth—that I'd gone with Jacob to look at parts and then watched him work in
his garage。
〃You think you'll visit again anytime soon？〃 he wondered； trying to be casual
about it。
〃Tomorrow after school；〃 I admitted。 〃I'll take homework； don't worry。〃
〃You be sure to do that；〃 he ordered； trying to disguise his satisfaction。
I was nervous when we got to the house。 I didn't want to go upstairs。 The
warmth of Jacob's presence
was fading and； in its absence； the anxiety grew stronger。 I was sure I
wouldn't get away with two
peaceful nights of sleep in a row。
To put bedtime off； I checked my e…mail； there was a new message from Renee。
She wrote about her day； a new book club that rilled the time slot of the
meditation classes she'd just
quit； her week subbing in the second grade； missing her kindergarteners。 She
wrote that Phil was
enjoying his new coaching job； and that they were planning a second honeymoon
trip to Disney World。
And I noticed that the whole thing read like a journal entry； rather than a
letter to someone else。 Remorse
flooded through me； leaving an unfortable sting behind。 Some daughter I
was。
I wrote back to her quickly； menting on each part of her letter；
volunteering information of my
own—describing the spaghetti party at Billy's and how I felt watching Jacob
build useful things out of
small pieces of metal—awed and slightly envious。 I made no reference to the
change this letter would be
from the ones she'd received in the last several months。 I could barely
remember what I'd written to her
even as recently as last week； but I was sure it wasn't very responsive。 The
more I thought about it； the
guiltier I felt； I really must have worried her。
I stayed up extra late after that； finishing more homework than strictly
necessary。 But neither sleep
deprivation nor the time spent with Jacob—being almost happy in a shallow
kind of way—could keep
the dream away for two nights in a row。
I woke shuddering； my scream muffled by the pillow。
As the dim morning light filtered through the fog outside my window； I lay
still in bed and tried to shake
off the dream。 There had been a small difference last night； and I
concentrated on that。
Last night I had not been alone in the woods。 Sam Uley—the man who had pulled
me from the forest
floor that night I couldn't bear to think of consciously—was there。 It was an
odd； unexpected alteration。
The man's dark eyes had been surprisingly unfriendly； filled with some secret
he didn't seem inclined to
share。 I'd stared at him as often as my frantic searching had allowed； it made
me unfortable； under all
the usual panic； to have him there。 Maybe that was because； when I didn't look
directly at him； his shape
seemed to shiver and change in my peripheral vision。 Yet he did nothing but
stand and watch。 Unlike the
time when we had met in reality； he did not offer me his help。
Charlie stared at me during breakfast； and I tried to ignore him。 I supposed I
deserved it。 I couldn't
expect him not to worry。 It would probably be weeks before he stopped watching
for the return of the
zombie； and I would just have to try to not let it bother me。 After all； I
would be watching for the return
of the zombie； too。 Two days was hardly long enough to call me cured。
School was the opposite。 Now that I was paying attention； it was clear that no
one was watching here。
I remembered the first day I'd e to Forks High School—how desperately I'd
wished that I could turn
gray； fade into the wet concrete of the sidewalk like an oversized chameleon。
It seemed I was getting that
wish answered； a year late。
It was like I wasn't there。 Even my teachers' eyes slid past my seat as if it
were empty。
I listened all through the morning； hearing once again the voices of the
people around me。 I tried to catch
up on what was going on； but the conversations were so disjointed that I gave
up。
Jessica didn't look up when I sat down next to her in Calculus。
〃Hey； Jess；〃 I said with put…on nonchalance。 〃How was the rest of your
weekend？〃
She looked at me with suspicious eyes。 Could she still be angry？ Or was she
just too impatient to deal
with a crazy person？
〃Super；〃 she said； turning back to her book。
〃That's good；〃 I mumbled。
The figure of speech cold shoulder seemed to have some literal truth to it。 I
could feel the warm air
blowing from the floor vents； but I was still too cold。 I took the jacket off
the back of my chair and put it
on again。
My fourth hour class got out late； and the lunch table I always sat at was
full by the time I arrived。 Mike
was there； Jessica and Angela； Conner； Tyler； Eric and Lauren。 Katie Marshall；
the redheaded junior
who lived around the corner from me； was sitting with Eric； and Austin Marks—
older brother to the boy
with the motorcycles—was next to her。 I wondered how long they'd been sitting
here； unable to
remember if this was the first day or something that was a regular habit。
I was beginning to get annoyed with myself。 I might as well have been packed
in Styrofoam peanuts
through the last semester。
No one looked up when I sat down next to Mike； even though the chair squealed
stridently against the
linoleum as I dragged it back。
I tried to catch up with the conversation。
Mike and Conner were talking sports； so I gave up on that one at once。
〃Where's Ben today？〃 Lauren was asking Angela。 I perked up； interested。 I
wondered if that meant
Angela and Ben were still together。
I barely recognized Lauren。 She'd cut off all her blond； corn…silk hair—now
she had a pixie cut so short
that the back was shaved like a boy。 What an odd thing for her to do。 I wished
I knew the reason behind
it。 Did she get gum stuck in it？ Did she sell it？ Had all the people she was
habitually nasty to caught her
behind the gym and scalped her？ I decided it wasn't fair for me to judge her
now by my former opinion。
For all I knew； she'd turned into a ni