was light outside my window。
I didn't remember moving； Charlie must have carried me to my room—he'd also
put the glass of water on
my bedside table。 I felt parched。 I chugged it down； though it tasted funny
from sitting stagnant all night。
I got up slowly； trying not to trigger the nausea again。 I was weak； and my
mouth tasted horrible； but my
stomach felt fine。 I looked at my clock。
My twenty…four hours were up。
I didn't push it； eating nothing but saltine crackers for breakfast。 Charlie
looked relieved to see me
recovered。
As soon as I was sure that I wasn't going to have to spend the day on the
bathroom floor again； I called
Jacob。
Jacob was the one who answered； but when I heard his greeting I knew he wasn't
over it。
〃Hello？〃 His voice was broken； cracking。
〃Oh； Jake；〃 I groaned sympathetically。 〃You sound horrible。〃
〃I feel horrible；〃 he whispered。
〃I'm so sorry I made you go out with me。 This sucks。〃
〃I'm glad I went。〃 His voice was still a whisper。 〃Don't blame yourself。 This
isn't your fault。〃
〃You'll get better soon；〃 I promised。 〃I woke up this morning； and I was
fine。〃
〃You were sick？〃 he asked dully。
〃Yes； I got it； too。 But I'm fine now。〃
〃That's good。〃 His voice was dead。
〃So you'll probably be better in a few hours；〃 I encouraged。
I could barely hear his answer。 〃I don't think I have the same thing you did。〃
〃Don't you have the stomach flu？〃 I asked； confused。
〃No。 This is something else。〃
〃What's wrong with you？〃
〃Everything；〃 he whispered。 〃Every part of me hurts。〃
The pain in his voice was nearly tangible。
〃What can I do； Jake？ What can I bring you？〃
〃Nothing。 You can't e here。〃 He was abrupt。 It reminded me of Billy the
other night。
〃I've already been exposed to whatever you have；〃 I pointed out。
He ignored me。 〃I'll call you when I can。 I'll let you know when you can e
down again。〃
〃Jacob—〃
〃I've got to go；〃 he said with sudden urgency。
〃Call me when you feel better。〃
〃Right；〃 he agreed； and his voice had a strange； bitter edge。
He was silent for a moment。 I was waiting for him to say goodbye； but he
waited too。
〃I'll see you soon；〃 I finally said。 〃Wait for me to call；〃 he said again。
〃Okay Bye； Jacob。〃
〃Bella；〃 he whispered my name； and then hung up the phone。
10。 THE MEADOW
JACOB DIDN'T CALL。
The first time I called； Billy answered and told me that Jacob was still in
bed。 I got nosy； checking to
make sure that Billy had taken him to a doctor。 Billy said he had； but； for
some reason I couldn't nail
down； I didn't really believe him。 I called again； several times a day； for
the next two days； but no one
was ever there。
Saturday； I decided to go see him； invitation be damned。 But the little red
house was empty。 This
frightened me—was Jacob so sick that he'd needed to go to the hospital？ I
stopped by the hospital on
the way back home； but the nurse at the front desk told me neither Jacob or
Billy had been in。
I made Charlie call Harry Clearwater as soon as he got home from work。 I
waited； anxious； while
Charlie chatted with his old friend； the conversation seemed to go on forever
without Jacob even being
mentioned。 It seemed that Harry had been in the hospital 。 。 some kind of
tests for his heart。 Charlie's
forehead got all pinched together； but Harry joked with him； blowing it off；
until Charlie was laughing
again。 Only then did Charlie ask about Jacob； and now his side of the
conversation didn't give me much
to work with； just a lot of hmms and yeahs。 I drummed my fingers against the
counter beside him until he
put a hand over mine to stop me。
Finally； Charlie hung up the phone and turned to me。
〃Harry says there's been some trouble with the phone lines； and that's why you
haven't been able to get
through。 Billy took Jake to the doc down there； and it looks like he has mono。
He's real tired； and Billy
said no visitors；〃 he reported。
〃No visitors？〃 I demanded in disbelief。
Charlie raised one eyebrow。 〃Now don't you go making a pest of yourself；
Bells。 Billy knows what's best
for Jake。 He'll be up and around soon enough。 Be patient。〃
I didn't push it。 Charlie was too worried about Harry。 That was clearly the
more important issue—it
wouldn't be right to bug him with my lesser concerns。 Instead； I went straight
upstairs and turned on my
puter。 I found a medical site online and typed 〃mononucleosis〃 into the
search box。
All I knew about mono was that you were supposed to get it from kissing； which
was clearly not the case
with Jake。 I read through the symptoms quickly—the fever he definitely had；
but what about the rest of
it？ No horrible sore throat； no exhaustion； no headaches； at least not before
he'd gone home from the
movie； he'd said he felt 〃fit as a fiddle。〃 Did it really e on so fast？ The
article made it sound like the
sore stuff showed up first。
I glared at the puter screen and wondered why； exactly； I was doing this。
Why did I feel so so
suspicious； like I didn't believe Billy's story？ Why would Billy lie to Harry？
I was being silly； probably。 I was just worried； and； to be honest； I was
afraid of not being allowed to see
Jacob—that made me nervous。
I skimmed through the rest of the article； looking for more information。 I
stopped when I got to the part
about how mono could last more than a month。
A month？ My mouth fell open。
But Billy couldn't enforce the no…visitors thing that long。 Of course not。
Jake would go crazy stuck in bed
that long without anyone to talk to。
What was Billy afraid of； anyway？ The article said that a person with mono
needed to avoid physical
activity； but there was nothing about visitors。 The disease wasn't very
infectious。
I'd give Billy a week； I decided； before I got pushy。 A week was generous。
A week was long。 By Wednesday； I was sure I wasn't going to live till
Saturday。
When I'd decided to leave Billy and Jacob alone for a week； I hadn't really
believed that Jacob would go
along with Billy's rule。 Every day when I got home from school； I ran to the
phone to check for
messages。 There never were any。
I cheated three times by trying to call him； but the phone lines still weren't
working。
I was in the house much too much； and much too alone。 Without Jacob； and my
adrenaline and my
distractions； everything I'd been repressing started creeping up on me。 The
dreams got hard again。 I
could no longer see the end ing。 Just the horrible nothingness—half the
time in the forest； half the time
in the empty fern sea where the white house no longer existed。 Sometimes Sam
Uley was there in the
forest； watching me again。 I paid him no attention—there was no fort in
his presence； it made me feel
no less alone。 It didn't stop me from screaming myself awake； night after
night。
The hole in my chest was worse than ever。 I'd thought that I'd been getting it
under control； but I found
myself hunched over； day after day； clutching my sides together and gasping
for air。
I wasn't handling alone well。
I was relieved beyond measure the morning I woke up—screaming； of course—and
remembered that it
was Saturday。 Today I could call Jacob。 And if the phone lines still weren't
working； then I was going to
La Push。 One way or another； today would be better than the last lonely week。
I dialed； and then waited without high expectations。
It caught me off guard when Billy answered on the second ring。
〃Hello？〃
〃Oh； hey； the phone is working again！ Hi； Billy。 It's Bella。 I was just
calling to see how Jacob is doing。 Is
he up for visitors yet？ I was thinking about dropping by—〃
〃I'm sorry； Bella；〃 Billy interrupted； and I wondered if he were watching TV；
he sounded distracted。
〃He's not in。〃
〃Oh。〃 It took me a second。 〃So he's feeling better then？〃
〃Yeah；〃 Billy hesitated for an instant too long。 〃Turns out it wasn't mono
after all。 Just some other virus。〃
〃Oh。 So where is he？〃
〃He's giving some friends a ride up to Port Angeles—I think they were going
to catch a double feature or
something。 He's gone for the whole day。〃
〃Well； that's a relief。 I've been so worried。 I'm glad he felt good enough to
get out。〃 My voice sounded
horribly phony as I babbled on。
Jacob was better； but not well enough to call me。 He was out with friends。 I
was sitting home； missing
him more every hour。 I was lonely； worried； bored perforated—and now also
desolate as I realized
that the week apart had not had the same effect on him。
〃Is there anything in particular you wanted？〃 Billy asked politely。
〃No； not really。〃
〃Well； I'll tell him that you called；〃 Billy promised。 〃Bye； Bella。〃
〃Bye；〃 I replied； but he'd already hung up。
I stood for a moment with the phone still in my hand。
Jacob must have changed his mind； just like I'd feared。 He was going to take
my advice and not waste
any more time on someone who couldn't return his feelings。 I felt the blood
run out of my face。
〃Something wrong？〃 Charlie asked as he came down the stairs。
〃No；〃 I lied； hanging up the phone。 〃Billy says Jacob is feeling better。 It
wasn't mono。 So that's good。〃
〃Is he ing here； or are you going there？〃 Charlie asked absentmindedly as
he started poking through
the fridge。
〃Neither；〃 I admitted。 〃He's going out with some other friends。〃
The tone of my voice finally caught Charlie's attention。 He looked up at me
with sudden alarm； his hands
frozen around a package of cheese slices。
〃Isn't it a little early for lunch？〃 I asked as lightly as I could manage；
trying to distract him。
〃No； I'm just packing something to take out to the river〃
〃Oh； fishing today？〃
〃Well； Harry called and it's not raining。〃 He was creating a stack of food
on the counter as he spoke。
Suddenly he looked up again as if he'd just realized something。 〃Say； did you
want me to stay with you；
since Jake's out？〃
〃That's okay； Dad；〃 I said； working to sound indifferent。 〃The fish bite
better when the weather's nice。〃
He stared at me； indecision clear on his face。 I knew that he was worrying；
afraid to leave me alone； in
case I got 〃mopey〃 again。
〃Seriously； Dad。 I think I'll call Jessica；〃 I fibbed quickly。 I'd rather be
alone than have him watching me
all day。 〃We have a Calculus test to study for。 I could use her help。〃 That
part was true。 But I'd have to
make do without it。
〃That's a good idea。 You've been spending so much time with Jacob； your other
friends are going to think
you've forgotten them。〃
I smiled and nodded as if I cared what my other friends thought。
Charlie started to turn； but then spun back with a worried expression。 〃Hey；
you'll study here or at Jess's；
right？〃
〃Sure； where else？〃
〃Well； it's just that I want you to be careful to stay out of the woods； like
I told you before。〃
It took me a minute to understand； distracted as I was。 〃More bear trouble？〃
Charlie nodded； frowning。 〃We've got a missing hiker—the rangers found his
camp early this morning；
but no sign of him。 There were some really big animal prints of course those
could have e later；
smelling the food Anyway； they're setting traps for it now。〃
〃Oh；〃 I said vaguely。 I wasn'