could have e later；
smelling the food Anyway； they're setting traps for it now。〃
〃Oh；〃 I said vaguely。 I wasn't really listening to his warnings； I was much
more upset by the situation with
Jacob than by the possibility of being eaten by a bear。
I was glad that Charlie was in a hurry。 He didn't wait for me to call Jessica；
so I didn't have to put on that
charade。 I went through the motions of gathering my school…books on the
kitchen table to pack them in
my bag； that was probably too much； and if he hadn't been eager to hit the
holes； it might have made him
suspicious。
I was so busy looking busy that the ferociously empty day ahead didn't really
crash down on me until
after I'd watched him drive away。 It only took about two minutes of staring at
the silent kitchen phone to
decide that I wasn't staying home today。 I considered my options。
I wasn't going to call Jessica。 As far as I could tell； Jessica had crossed
over to the dark side。
I could drive to La Push and get my motorcycle—an appealing thought but for
one minor problem： who
was going to drive me to the emergency room if I needed it afterward？
Or I already had our map and pass in the truck。 I was pretty sure I
understood the process well
enough by now that I wouldn't get lost。 Maybe I could eliminate two lines
today； putting us ahead of
schedule for whenever Jacob decided to honor me with his presence again。 I
refused to think about how
long that might be。 Or if it was going to be never。
I felt a brief twinge of guilt as I realized how Charlie would feel about
this； but I ignored it。 I just couldn't
stay in the house again today。
A few minutes later I was on the familiar dirt road that led to nowhere in
particular。 I had the windows
rolled down and I drove as fast as was healthy for my truck； trying to enjoy
the wind against my face。 It
was cloudy； but almost dry—a very nice day； for Forks。
Getting started took me longer than it would have taken Jacob。 After I parked
in the usual spot； I had to
spend a good fifteen minutes studying the little needle on the pass face
and the markings on the now
worn map。 When I was reasonably certain that I was following the right line of
the web； I set off into the
woods。
The forest was full of life today； all the little creatures enjoying the
momentary dryness。 Somehow；
though； even with the birds chirping and cawing； the insects buzzing noisily
around my head； and the
occasional scurry of the field mice through the shrubs； the forest seemed
creepier today； it reminded me
of my most recent nightmare。 I knew it was just because I was alone； missing
Jacob's carefree whistle
and the sound of another pair of feet squishing across the damp ground。
The sense of unease grew stronger the deeper I got into the trees。 Breathing
started to get more
difficult—not because of exertion； but because I was having trouble with the
stupid hole in my chest
again。 I kept my arms tight around my torso and tried to banish the ache from
my thoughts。 I almost
turned around； but I hated to waste the effort I'd already expended。
The rhythm of my footsteps started to numb my mind and my pain as I trudged
on。 My breathing evened
out eventually； and I was glad I hadn't quit。 I was getting better at this
bushwhacking thing； I could tell I
was faster。
I didn't realize quite how much more efficiently I was moving。 I thought I'd
covered maybe four miles；
and I wasn't even starting to look around for it yet。 And then； with an
abruptness that disoriented me； I
stepped through a low arch made by two vine maples—pushing past the chest…
high ferns—into the
meadow。
It was the same place； of that I was instantly sure。 I'd never seen another
clearing so symmetrical。 It was
as perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless
circle； tearing out the trees but
leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass。 To the east； I could
hear the stream bubbling
quietly。
The place wasn't nearly so stunning without the sunlight； but it was still
very beautiful and serene。 It was
the wrong season for wildflowers； the ground was thick with tall grass that
swayed in the light breeze like
ripples across a lake。
It was the same place but it didn't hold what I had been searching for。
The disappointment was nearly as instantaneous as the recognition。 I sank down
right where I was；
kneeling there at the edge of the clearing； beginning to gasp。
What was the point of going any farther？ Nothing lingered here。 Nothing more
than the memories that I
could have called back whenever I wanted to； if I was ever willing to endure
the corresponding
pain—the pain that had me now； had me cold。 There was nothing special about
this place without him。 I
wasn't exactly sure what I'd hoped to feel here； but the meadow was empty of
atmosphere； empty of
everything； just like everywhere else。 Just like my nightmares。 My head
swirled dizzily。
At least I'd e alone。 I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that。 If
I'd discovered the meadow with
Jacob well； there was no way I could have disguised the abyss I was plunging
into now。 How could I
have explained the way I was fracturing into pieces； the way I had to curl
into a ball to keep the empty
hole from tearing me apart？ It was so much better that I didn't have an
audience。
And I wouldn't have to explain to anyone why I was in such a hurry to leave；
either。 Jacob would have
assumed； after going to so much trouble to locate the stupid place； I would
want to spend more than a
few seconds here。 But I was already trying to find the strength to get to my
feet again； forcing myself out
of the ball so that I could escape。 There was too much pain in this empty
place to bear—I would crawl
away if I had to。
How lucky that I was alone！
Alone。 I repeated the word with grim satisfaction as I wrenched myself to my
feet despite the pain。 At
precisely that moment； a figure stepped out from the trees to the north； some
thirty paces away。
A dizzying array of emotions shot through me in a second。 The first was
surprise； I was far from any trail
here； and I didn't expect pany。 Then； as my eyes focused on the motionless
figure； seeing the utter
stillness； the pallid skin； a rush of piercing hope rocked through me。 I
suppressed it viciously； fighting
against the equally sharp lash of agony as my eyes continued to the face
beneath the black hair； the face
that wasn't the one I wanted to see。 Next was fear； this was not the face I
grieved for； but it was close
enough for me to know that the man facing me was no stray hiker。
And finally； in the end； recognition。
〃Laurent！〃 I cried in surprised pleasure。
It was an irrational response。 I probably should have stopped at fear。
Laurent had been one of James's coven when we'd first met。 He hadn't been
involved with the hunt that
followed—the hunt where I was the quarry—but that was only because he was
afraid； I was protected
by a bigger coven than his own。 It would have been different if that wasn't
the case—he'd had no
punctions； at the time； against making a meal of me。 Of course； he must
have changed； because he'd
gone to Alaska to live with the other civilized coven there； the other family
that refused to drink human
blood for ethical reasons。 The other family like but I couldn't let myself
think the name。
Yes； fear would have made more sense； but all I felt was an overwhelming
satisfaction。 The meadow was
a magic place again。 A darker magic than I'd expected； to be sure； but magic
all the same。 Here was the
connection I'd sought。 The proof； however remote； that—somewhere in the same
world where I lived—
he did exist。
It was impossible how exactly the same Laurent looked。 I suppose it was very
silly and human to expect
some kind of change in the last year。 But there was something I couldn't
quite put my finger on it。
〃Bella？〃 he asked； looking more astonished than I felt。
〃You remember。〃 I smiled。 It was ridiculous that I should be so elated because
a vampire knew my
name。
He grinned。 〃I didn't expect to see you here。〃 He strolled toward me； his
expression bemused。
〃Isn't it the other way around？ I do live here。 I thought you'd gone to
Alaska。〃
He stopped about ten paces away； cocking his head to the side。 His face was
the most beautiful face I'd
seen in what felt like an eternity。 I studied his features with a strangely
greedy sense of release。 Here was
someone I didn't have to pretend for—someone who already knew everything I
could never say。
〃You're right；〃 he agreed。 〃I did go to Alaska。 Still； I didn't expect When
I found the Cullen place
empty； I thought they'd moved on。〃
〃Oh。〃 I bit my lip as the name set the raw edges of my wound throbbing。 It
took me a second to
pose myself。 Laurent waited with curious eyes。
〃They did move on；〃 I finally managed to tell him。
〃Hmm；〃 he murmured。 〃I'm surprised they left you behind。 Weren't you sort of a
pet of theirs？〃 His eyes
were innocent of any intended offense。
I smiled wryly。 〃Something like that。〃
〃Hmm；〃 he said； thoughtful again。
At that precise moment； I realized why he looked the same—too much the same。
After Carlisle told us
that Laurent had stayed with Tanya's family； I'd begun to picture him； on the
rare occasions that I thought
of him at all； with the same golden eyes that the Cullens—I forced the name
out； wincing—had。 That
all good vampires had。
I took an involuntary step back； and his curious； dark red eyes followed the
movement。
〃Do they visit often？〃 he asked； still casual； but his weight shifted toward
me。
〃Lie；〃 the beautiful velvet voice whispered anxiously from my memory。
I started at the sound of his voice； but it should not have surprised me。 Was
I nor in the worst danger
imaginable？ The motorcycle was safe as kittens next to this。
I did what the voice said to do。
〃Now and again。〃 I tried to make my voice light； relaxed。 〃The time seems
longer to me； I imagine。 You
know how they get distracted〃 I was beginning to babble。 I had to work to
shut myself up。
〃Hmm；〃 he said again。 〃The house smelled like it had been vacant for a while
〃
〃You must lie better than that； Bella；〃 the voice urged。
I tried。 〃I'll have to mention to Carlisle that you stopped by。 He'll be sorry
they missed your visit。〃 I
pretended to deliberate for a second。 〃But I probably shouldn't mention it to
Edward； I suppose—〃 I
barely managed to say his name； and it twisted my expression on the way out；
ruining my bluff 〃—he has
such a temper well； I'm sure you remember。 He's still touchy about the whole
James thing。〃 I rolled my
eyes and waved one hand dismissively； like it was all ancient history； but
there was an edge of hysteria to
my voice。 I wondered if he would recognize what it was。
〃Is he really？〃 Laurent asked pleasantly skeptically。
I kept my reply short； so that my voice wouldn't betray my panic。 〃Mm…hmm。〃
Laurent took a casual step to the side； gazing around at the little meadow。 I
didn't miss that the step
brought him closer to me。 In my head； t