The violent desire caught me off guard and knocked the wind out of me。 It was
the most forbidden of all
wishes—even when I only wished it for a malicious reason like this； to gain
an advantage over an
enemy—because it was the most painful。 That future was lost to me forever；
had never really been within
my grasp。 I scrambled to gain control of myself while the hole in my chest
ached hollowly。
〃What do you want？〃 Jacob demanded； his expression growing more resentful as
he watched the play of
emotion across my face。
〃I want to talk to you；〃 I said in a weak voice。 I tried to focus； but I was
still reeling against the escape of
my taboo dream。
〃Go ahead；〃 he hissed through his teeth。 His glare was vicious。 I'd never seen
him look at anyone like
that； least of all me。 It hurt with a surprising intensity—a physical pain； a
stabbing in my head。
〃Alone！〃 I hissed； and my voice was stronger。
He looked behind him； and I knew where his eyes would go。 Every one of them
was turned for Sam's
reaction。
Sam nodded once； his face unperturbed。 He made a brief ment in an
unfamiliar； liquid language—I
could only be positive that it wasn't French or Spanish； but I guessed that it
was Quileute。 He turned and
walked into Jacob's house。 The others； Paul； Jared； and Embry； I assumed；
followed him in。
〃Okay。〃 Jacob seemed a bit less furious when the others were gone。 His face
was a little calmer； but also
more hopeless。 His mouth seemed permanently pulled down at the corners。
I took a deep breath。 〃You know what I want to know。〃
He didn't answer。 He just stared at me bitterly。
I stared back and the silence stretched on。 The pain in his face unnerved me。
I felt a lump beginning to
build in my throat。
〃Can we walk？〃 I asked while I could still speak。
He didn't respond in any way； his face didn't change。
I got out of the car； feeling unseen eyes behind the windows on me； and
started walking toward the trees
to the north。 My feet squished in the damp grass and mud beside the road； and；
as that was the only
sound； at first I thought he wasn't following me。 But when I glanced around；
he was right beside me； his
feet having somehow found a less noisy path than mine。
I felt better in the fringe of trees； where Sam couldn't possibly be watching。
As we walked； I struggled for
the right thing to say； but nothing came。 I just got more and more angry that
Jacob had gotten sucked
in that Billy had allowed this that Sam was able to stand there so assured
and calm
Jacob suddenly picked up the pace； striding ahead of me easily with his long
legs； and then swinging
around to face me； planting himself in my path so I would have to stop too。
I was distracted by the overt grace of his movement。 Jacob had been nearly as
klutzy as me with his
never…ending growth spurt。 When did that changed？
But Jacob didn't give me time to think about it。
〃Let's get this over with；〃 he said in a hard； husky voice。
I waited。 He knew what I wanted。
〃It's not what you think。〃 His voice was abruptly weary。 〃It's not what I
thought—I was way off。〃
〃So what is it； then？〃
He studied my face for a long moment； speculating。 The anger never pletely
left his eyes。 〃I can't tell
you；〃 he finally said。
My jaw tightened； and I spoke through my teeth。 〃I thought we were friends。〃
〃We were。〃 There was a slight emphasis on the past tense。
〃But you don't need friends anymore；〃 I said sourly。 〃You have Sam。 Isn't that
nice—you've always
looked up to him so much。〃
〃I didn't understand him before。〃
〃And now you've seen the light。 Hallelujah。〃
〃It wasn't like I thought it was。 This isn't Sam's fault。 He's helping me as
much as he can。〃 His voice
turned brittle and he looked over my head； past me； rage burning out from his
eyes。
〃He's helping you；〃 I repeated dubiously。 〃Naturally。〃
But Jacob didn't seem to be listening。 He was taking deep； deliberate breaths；
trying to calm himself。 He
was so mad that his hands were shaking。
〃Jacob； please；〃 I whispered 〃Won't you tell me what happened？ Maybe I can
help。〃
〃No one can help me now。〃 The words were a low moan； his voice broke。
〃What did he do to you？〃 I demanded； tears collecting in my eyes。 I reached
out to him； as I had once
before； stepping forward with my arms wide。
This time he cringed away； holding his hands up defensively。 〃Don't touch me；〃
he whispered。
〃Is Sam catching？〃 I mumbled。 The stupid tears had escaped the corners of my
eyes。 I wiped them away
with the back of my hand； and folded my arms across my chest。
〃Stop blaming Sam。〃 The words came out fast； like a reflex。 His hands reached
up to twist around the
hair that was no longer there； and then fell limply at his sides。
〃Then who should I blame？〃 I retorted。
He halfway smiled； it was a bleak； twisted thing。
〃You don't want to hear that。〃
〃The hell I don't！〃 I snapped。 〃I want to know； and I want to know now。〃
〃You're wrong；〃 he snapped back。
〃Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong—I'm not the one who got brainwashed！ Tell
me now whose fault this
all is； if it's not your precious Sam！〃
〃You asked for it；〃 he growled at me； eyes glinting hard。 〃If you want to
blame someone； why don't you
point your finger at those filthy； reeking bloodsuckers that you love so
much？〃
My mouth fell open and my breath came out with a whooshing sound。 I was frozen
in place； stabbed
through with his double…edged words。 The pain twisted in familiar patterns
through my body； the jagged
hole ripping me open from the inside out； but it was second place； background
music to the chaos of my
thoughts。 I couldn't believe that I'd heard him correctly。 There was no trace
of indecision in his face。 Only
fury。
My mouth still hung wide。
〃I told you that you didn't want to hear it；〃 he said。
〃I don't understand who you mean；〃 I whispered。
He raised one eyebrow in disbelief。 〃I think you understand exactly who I
mean。 You're not going to
make me say it； are you？ I don't like hurting you。〃
〃I don't understand who you mean；〃 I repeated mechanically。
〃The Cullens；〃 he said slowly； drawing out the word； scrutinizing my face as
he spoke it。 〃I saw that—I
can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name。〃
I shook my head back and forth in denial； trying to clear it at the same time。
How did he know this？ And
how did it have anything to do with Sam's cult？ Was it a gang of vampire…
haters？ What was the point of
forming such a society when no vampires lived in Forks anymore？ Why would
Jacob start believing the
stories about the Cullens now； when the evidence of them was long gone； never
to return？
It took me too long to e up with the correct response。 〃Don't tell me
you're listening to Billy's
superstitious nonsense now；〃 I said with a feeble attempt at mockery。
〃He knows more than I gave him credit for。〃
〃Be serious； Jacob。〃
He glared at me； his eyes critical。
〃Superstitions aside；〃 I said quickly。 〃I still don't see what you're accusing
the。。。 Cullens〃—wince—〃of。
They left more than half a year ago。 How can you blame them for what Sam is
doing now？〃
〃Sam isn't doing anything； Bella。 And I know they're gone。 But sometimes
things are set in motion； and
then it's too late。〃
〃What's set in motion？ What's too late？ What are you blaming them for？〃
He was suddenly right in my face； his fury glowing in his eyes。 〃For
existing；〃 he hissed。
I was surprised and distracted as the warning words came in Edward's voice
again； when I wasn't even
scared。
〃Quiet now； Bella。 Don't push him；〃 Edward cautioned in my ear。
Ever since Edward's name had broken through the careful walls I'd buried it
behind； I'd been unable to
lock it up again。 It didn't hurt now—not during the precious seconds when I
could hear his voice。
Jacob was fuming in front of me； quivering with anger。
I didn't understand why the Edward delusion was unexpectedly in my mind。 Jacob
was livid； but he was
Jacob。 There was no adrenaline； no danger。
〃Give him a chance to calm down；〃 Edward's voice insisted。
I shook my head in confusion。 〃You're being ridiculous；〃 I told them both。
〃Fine；〃 Jacob answered； breathing deeply again。 〃I won't argue it with you。 It
doesn't matter anyway； the
damage is done。〃
〃What damage？〃
He didn't flinch as I shouted the words in his face。
〃Let's head back。 There's nothing more to say。〃
I gaped。 〃There's everything more to say！ You haven't said anything yet！〃
He walked past me； striding back toward the house。
〃I ran into Quil today；〃 I yelled after him。
He paused midstep； but didn't turn。
〃You remember your friend； Quil？ Yeah； he's terrified。〃
Jacob whirled to face me。 His expression was pained。 〃Quil〃 was all he said。
〃He's worried about you； too。 He's freaked out。〃
Jacob stared past me with desperate eyes。
I goaded him further。 〃He's frightened that he's next。〃
Jacob clutched at a tree for support； his face turning a strange shade of
green under the red…brown
surface。 〃He won't be next；〃 Jacob muttered to himself。 〃He can't be。 It's
over now。 This shouldn't still be
happening。 Why？ Why？〃 His fist slammed against the tree。 It wasn't a big tree；
slender and only a few
feet taller than Jacob。 But it still surprised me when tht trunk gave way and
snapped off loudly under his
blows。
Jacob stared at the sharp； broken point with shock that quickly turned to
horror。
〃I have to get back。〃 He whirled and stalked away so swiftly that I had to jog
to keep up。
〃Back to Sam！〃
〃That's one way of looking at it；〃 it sounded like he said。 He was mumbling
and facing away。
I chased him back to the truck。 〃Wait！〃 I called as he turned toward the
house。
He spun around to face me； and I saw that his hands were shaking again。
〃Go home； Bella。 I can't hang out with you anymore。〃
The silly； inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent。 The tears welled up
again。 〃Are you breaking up
with me？〃 The words were all wrong； but they were the best way I could think
to phrase what I was
asking。 After all； what Jake and I had was more than any schoolyard romance。
Stronger。
He barked out a bitter laugh。 〃Hardly。 If that were the case； I'd say 'Let's
stay friends。' I can't even say
that。〃
〃Jacob why？ Sam won't let you have other friends？ Please； Jake。 You
promised。 I need you！〃 The
blank emptiness of my life before—before Jacob brought some semblance of
reason back into
it—reared up and confronted me。 Loneliness choked in my throat。
〃I'm sorry； Bella；〃 Jacob said each word distinctly in a cold voice that
didn't seem to belong to him。
I didn't believe that this was really what Jacob wanted to say。 It seemed like
there was something else
trying to be said through his angry eyes； but I couldn't understand the
message。
Maybe this wasn't about Sam at all。 Maybe this had nothing to do with the
Cullens。 Maybe he was just
trying to pull himself out of a hopeless situation。 Maybe I should let him do
that； if that's what was best for
him。 I should do that。 It would be right。
But I heard my voice escaping in a whisper。
〃I'm sorry that I couldn't before I wish I could change how