grin that I knew and loved—it was a new grin； one that was a bitter mockery
of his old sincerity； on the
new face that belonged to Sam。
That was a bit much for me。
I'd cried myself to sleep over this boy。 His harsh rejection had punched a
painful new hole in what was
left of my chest。 He'd left a new nightmare behind him； like an infection in a
sore—the insult after the
injury。 And now he was here in my room； smirking at me as if none of that had
passed。 Worse than that；
even though his arrival had been noisy and awkward； it reminded me of when
Edward used to sneak in
through my window at night； and the reminder picked viciously at the unhealed
wounds。
All of this； coupled with the fact that I was dog…tired； did not put me in a
friendly mood。
〃Get out！〃 I hissed； putting as much venom into the whisper as I could。
He blinked； his face going blank with surprise。
〃No；〃 he protested。 〃I came to apologize。〃
〃I don't accept！〃
I tried to shove him back out the window—after all； if this was a dream； it
wouldn't really hurt him。 It was
useless； though。 I didn't budge him an inch。 I dropped my hands quickly； and
stepped away from him。
He wasn't wearing a shirt； though the air blowing in the window was cold
enough to make me shiver； and
it made me unfortable to have my hands on his bare chest。 His skin was
burning hot； like his head
had been the last time I'd touched him。 Like he was still sick with the fever。
He didn't look sick。 He looked huge。 He leaned over me； so big that he blacked
out the window；
tongue…tied by my furious reaction。
Suddenly； it was just more than I could handle—it felt as if all of my
sleepless nights were crashing down
on me en masse。 I was so brutally tired that I thought I might collapse right
there on the floor。 I swayed
unsteadily； and struggled to keep my eyes open。
〃Bella？〃 Jacob whispered anxiously。 He caught my elbow as I swayed again； and
steered me back to the
bed。 My legs gave out when I reached the edge； and I plopped into a limp heap
on the mattress。
〃Hey； are you okay？〃 Jacob asked； worry creasing his forehead。
I looked up at him； the tears not yet dried on my cheeks。 〃Why in the world
would I be okay； Jacob？〃
Anguish replaced some of the bitterness in his face。 〃Right；〃 he agreed； and
took a deep breath。 〃Crap。
Well I—I'm so sorry； Bella。〃 The apology was sincere； no doubt about it；
though there was still an
angry twist to his features。
〃Why did you e here？ I don't want apologies from you； Jake。〃
〃I know；〃 he whispered。 〃But I couldn't leave things the way I did this
afternoon。 Thar was horrible。 I'm
sorry。〃
I shook my head wearily。 〃I don't understand anything。〃
〃I know。 I want to explain—〃 He broke off suddenly； his mouth open； almost
like something had cut off
his air。 Then he sucked in a deep breath。 〃But I can't explain；〃 he said；
still angry。 〃I wish I could。〃
I let my head fall into my hands。 My question came out muffled by my arm。
〃Why？〃
He was quiet for a moment。 I twisted my head to the side—too tired to hold it
up—to see his expression。
It surprised me。 His eyes were squinted； his teeth clenched； his forehead
wrinkled in effort。
〃What's wrong？〃 I asked。
He exhaled heavily； and I realized he'd been holding his breath； too。 〃I can't
do it；〃 he muttered；
frustrated。
〃Do what？〃
He ignored my question。 〃Look； Bella； haven't you ever had a secret that you
couldn't tell anyone？〃
He looked at me with knowing eyes； and my thoughts jumped immediately to the
Cullens。 I hoped my
expression didn't look guilty。
〃Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie； from your mom ？〃 he
pressed。 〃Something you
won't even talk about with me？ Not even now？〃
I felt my eyes tighten。 I didn't answer his question； though I knew he would
take that as a confirmation。
〃Can you understand that I might have the same kind of situation？〃 He was
struggling again； seeming to
fight for the right words。 〃Sometimes； loyalty gets in the way of what you
want to do。 Sometimes； it's not
your secret to tell。〃
So； I couldn't argue with that。 He was exactly right—I had a secret that
wasn't mine to tell； yet a secret I
felt bound to protect。 A secret that； suddenly； he seemed to know all about。
I still didn't see how it applied to him； or Sam； or Billy。 What was it to
them； now that the Cullens were
gone？
〃I don't know why you came here； Jacob； if you were just going to give me
riddles instead of answers。〃
〃I'm sorry；〃 he whispered。 〃This is so frustrating。〃
We looked at each other for a long moment in the dark room； both our faces
hopeless。
〃The part that kills me；〃 he said abruptly； 〃is that you already know。 I
already told yon everything！〃
〃What are you talking about？〃
He sucked in a startled breath； and then leaned toward me； his face shifting
from hopelessness to blazing
intensity in a second。 He stared fiercely into my eyes； and his voice was fast
and eager。 He spoke the
words right into my face； his breath was as hot as his skin。
〃I think I see a way to make this work out—because you know this； Bella！ I
can't tell you； but if you
guessed it！ That would let me right off the hook！〃
〃You want me to guess？ Guess what？〃
〃My secret！ You can do it—you know the answer！〃
I blinked twice； trying to clear my head。 I was so tired。 Nothing he said made
sense。
He took in my blank expression； and then his face tensed with effort again。
〃Hole on； let me see if I give
you some help；〃 he said。 Whatever he was trying to do； it was so hard he was
panting。
〃Help？〃 I asked； trying to keep up。 My lids wanted to slip closed； but I
forced them open。
〃Yeah；〃 he said； breathing hard。 〃Like clues。〃
He took my face in his enormous； too…warm hands and held it just a few inches
from his。 He stared into
my eyes while he whispered； as if to municate something besides the words
he spoke。
〃Remember the first day we met—on the beach in La Push？〃
〃Of course I do。〃
〃Tell me about it。〃
I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate。 〃You asked about my truck〃
He nodded； urging me on。
〃We talked about the Rabbit〃
〃Keep going。〃
〃We went for a walk down the beach〃 My cheeks were growing warm under his
palms as I
remembered； but he wouldn't notice； hot as his skin was。 I'd asked him to walk
with me； flirting ineptly
but successfully； in order to pump him for information。
He was nodding； anxious for more。
My voice was nearly soundless。 〃You told me scary stories Quileute legends。〃
He closed his eyes and opened them again。 〃Yes。〃 The word was tense； fervent；
like he was on the edge
of something vital。 He spoke slowly； making each word distinct。 〃Do you
remember what I said？〃
Even in the dark； he must be able to see the change in the color of my face。
How could I ever forget
that？ Without realizing what he was doing； Jacob had told me exactly what I
needed to know that
day—that Edward was a vampire。
He looked at me with eyes that knew too much。 〃Think hard；〃 he told me。
〃Yes； I remember；〃 I breathed。
He inhaled deeply； struggling。 〃Do you remember all the stor—〃 He couldn't
finish the question。 His
mouth popped open like something had stuck in his throat。
〃All the stories？〃 I asked。
He nodded mutely。
My head churned。 Only one story really mattered。 I knew he'd begun with
others； but I couldn't
remember the inconsequential prelude； especially not while my brain was so
clouded with exhaustion。 I
started to shake my head。
Jacob groaned and jumped off the bed。 He pressed his fists against his
forehead and breathed fast and
angry。 〃You know this； you know this；〃 he muttered to himself。
〃Jake？ Jake； please； I'm exhausted。 I'm no good at this right now。 Maybe in
the morning〃
He took a steadying breath and nodded。 〃Maybe it will e back to you。 I
guess I understand why you
only remember the one story；〃 he added in a sarcastic； bitter tone。 He plunked
back onto the mattress
beside me。 〃Do you mind if I ask you a question about that？〃 he asked； still
sarcastic。 〃I've been dying ro
know。〃
〃A question about what？〃 I asked warily。
〃About the vampire story I told you。〃
I stared at him with guarded eyes； unable to answer。 He asked his question
anyway。
〃Did you honestly not know？〃 he asked me； his voice turning husky。 〃Was I the
one who told you what
he was？〃
How did he know this？ Why did he decide to believe； why now？ My teeth clenched
together。 I stared
back at him； no intention of speaking。 He could see that。
〃See what I mean about loyalty？〃 he murmured； even huskier now。 〃It's the same
for me； only worse。
You can't imagine how tight I'm bound〃
I didn't like that—didn't like the way his eyes closed as if he were in pain
when he spoke of being bound。
More than dislike—I realized I hated it； hated anything that caused him pain。
Hated it fiercely。
Sam's face filled my mind。
For me； this was all essentially voluntary。 I protected the Cullens' secret
out of love； unrequited； but true。
For Jacob； it didn't seem to be that way。
〃Isn't there any way for you to get free？〃 I whispered； touching the rough
edge at the back of his shorn
hair。
His hands began to tremble； but he didn't open his eyes。 〃No。 I'm in this for
life。 A life sentence。〃 A bleak
laugh。 〃Longer； maybe。〃
〃No； Jake；〃 I moaned。 〃What if we ran away？ Just you and me。 What if we left
home； and left Sam
behind？〃
〃It's not something I can run away from； Bella；〃 he whispered。 〃I would run
with you； though； if I could。〃
His shoulders were shaking now； too。 He took a deep breath。 〃Look； I've got to
leave。〃
〃Why？〃
〃For one thing； you look like you're going to pass out at any second。 You need
your sleep—I need you
firing on all pistons。 You're going to figure this out； you have to。〃
〃And why else？〃
He frowned。 〃I had to sneak out—I'm not supposed to see you。 They've got to
be wondering where I
am。〃 His mouth twisted。 〃I suppose I should go let them know。〃
〃You don't have to tell them anything；〃 I hissed。
〃All the same； I will。〃
The anger flashed hot inside me。 〃I hate them！〃
Jacob looked at me with wide eyes； surprised。 〃No； Bella。 Don't hate the guys。
It's not Sam's or any of
the others' faults。 I told you before—it's me。 Sam is actually well；
incredibly cool。 Jared and Paul are
great； too； though Paul is kind of And Embry's always been my friend。
Nothing's changed there—the
only thing that hasn't changed。 I feel really bad abour the things I used to
think about Sam〃
〃Sam was incredibly cool。〃 I glared at him in disbelief； but let it go。
〃Then why aren't you supposed to see me？〃 I demanded。
〃It's not safe；〃 he mumbled looking down。
His words sent a thrill of fear through me。
Did he know that； too？ Nobody knew that besides me。 But he was right—it was
the middle of the night；
the perfect time for hunting。 Jacob shouldn't be here in my room。 If someone
came for me； I had ：o be
alone。
〃If I thought it was too too risky；〃 he whispered； 〃I wouldn't have e。
But Bella；〃 he looked at me
again； 〃I made you a promise。 I had no idea it would be so hard to keep； but
that doesn't mean I'm n