guess。 Did any of the other
Cullens have extra talents？ Like the mind reading？〃
I hesitated a second。 This felt like a question he would ask of his spy； not
his friend。 But what was the
point of hiding what I knew？ It didn't matter now； and it would help him
control himself。
So I spoke quickly； the image of Emily's ruined face in my mind； and the hair
rising on my arms。 I couldn't
imagine how the russet wolf would fit inside the Rabbit—Jacob would tear the
whole garage apart if he
changed now。
〃Jasper could sort of control the emotions of the people around him。 Not in
a bad way； just to calm
someone down； that kind of thing。 It would probably help Paul a lot；〃 I added；
teasing weakly。 〃And then
Alice could see things that were going to happen。 The future； you know； but
not absolutely。 The things
she saw would change when someone changed the path they were on〃
Like how she'd seen me dying and she'd seen me being one of them。 Two
things that had not
happened。 And one that never would。 My head started to spin—I couldn't seem
to pull in enough oxygen
from the air。 No lungs。
Jacob was entirely in control now； very still beside me。
〃Why do you do that？〃 he asked。 He tugged lightly at one of my arms； which was
bound around my
chest； and then gave up when it wouldn't e loose easily。 I hadn't even
realized I'd moved them。 〃You
do that when you're upset。 Why？〃
〃It hurts to think about them；〃 I whispered。 〃It's like I can't breathe like
I'm breaking into pieces〃It
was bizarre how much I could tell Jacob now。 We had no more secrets。
He smoothed my hair。 〃It's okay； Bella； it's okay。 I won't bring it up again。
I'm sorry。〃
〃I'm fine。〃 I gasped。 〃Happens all the time。 Not your fault。〃
〃We're a pretty messed…up pair； aren't we？〃 Jacob said。 〃Neither one of us can
hold our shape together
right。〃
〃Pathetic；〃 I agreed； still breathless。
〃At least we have each other；〃 he said； clearly forted by the thought。
I was forted； too。 〃At least there's that；〃 I agreed。
And when we were together； it was fine。 But Jacob had a horrible； dangerous
job he felt pelled to
do； and so I was often alone； stuck in La Push for safety； with nothing to do
to keep my mind off any of
my worries。
I felt awkward； always taking up space at Billy's。 I did some studying for
another Calculus test that was
ing up next week； but I could only look at math for so long。 When I didn't
have something obvious to
do in my hands；
I felt like I ought to be making conversation with Billy—the pressure of
normal societal rules。 But Billy
wasn't one for filling up the long silences； and so the awkwardness continued。
I tried hanging out at Emily's place Wednesday afternoon； for a change。 At
first it was kind of nice。 Emily
was a cheerful person who never sat still。 I drifted behind her while she
flitted around her little house and
yard； scrubbing at the spotless floor； pulling a tiny weed； fixing a broken
hinge； tugging a string of wool
through an ancient loom； and always cooking； too。 She plained lightly about
the increase in the boys'
appetites from all their extra running； but it was easy to see she didn't mind
taking care of them。 It wasn't
hard to be with her—after all； we were both wolf girls now。
But Sam checked in after I'd been there for a few hours。 I only stayed long
enough to ascertain that
Jacob was fine and there was no news； and then I had to escape。 The aura of
love and contentment that
surrounded them was harder to take in concentrated doses； with no one else
around to dilute it。
So that left me wandering the beach； pacing the length of the rocky crescent
back and forth； again and
again。
Alone time wasn't good for me。 Thanks to the new honesty with Jacob； I'd been
talking and thinking
about the Cullens way too much。 No matter how I tried to distract myself—and
I had plenty to think of： I
was honestly and desperately worried about Jacob and his wolf…brothers； I was
terrified for Charlie and
the others who thought they were hunting animals； I was getting in deeper and
deeper with Jacob without
ever having consciously decided to progress in that direction and I didn't
know what to do about
it—none of these very real； very deserving of thought； very pressing concerns
could take my mind off the
pain in my chest for long。 Eventually； I couldn't even walk anymore； because I
couldn't breathe。 I sat
down on a patch of semidry rocks and curled up in a ball。
Jacob found me like that； and I could tell from his expression that he
understood。
〃Sorry；〃 he said right away。 He pulled me up from the ground and wrapped both
arms around my
shoulders。 I hadn't realized that I was cold until then。 His warmth made me
shudder； but at least I could
breathe with him there。
〃I'm ruining your spring break；〃 Jacob accused himself as we walked back up
the beach。
〃No； you're not。 I didn't have any plans。 I don't think I like spring breaks；
anyway。〃
〃I'll take tomorrow morning off。 The others can run without me。 We'll do
something fun。〃
The word seemed out of place in my life right now； barely prehensible；
bizarre。 〃Fun？〃
〃Fun is exactly what you need。 Hmm〃 he gazed out across the heaving gray
waves； deliberating。 As his
eyes scanned the horizon； he had a flash of inspiration。
〃Got it！〃 he crowed。 〃Another promise to keep。〃
〃What are you talking about？〃
He let go of my hand and pointed toward the southern edge of the beach； where
the flat； rocky
half…moon dead…ended against the sheer sea cliffs。 I stared； unprehending。
〃Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving？〃
I shivered。
〃Yeah； it'll be pretty cold—not as cold as it is today。 Can you feel the
weather changing？ The pressure？
It will be warmer tomorrow。 You up for it？〃
The dark water did not look inviting； and； from this angle； the cliffs looked
even higher than before。
But it had been days since I'd heard Edward's voice。 That was probably part of
the problem。 I was
addicted to the sound of my delusions。 It made things worse if I went too long
without them。 Jumping off
a cliff was certain to remedy that situation。
〃Sure； I'm up for it。 Fun。〃
〃It's a date；〃 he said； and draped his arm around my shoulders。
〃Okay—now let's go get you some sleep。〃 I didn't like the way the circles
under his eyes were beginning
to look permanently etched onto his skin。
I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck。
I had a feeling that Charlie
would approve of today's plan just about as much as he would approve of the
motorcycle。
The idea of a distraction from all my worries had me almost excited。 Maybe it
would be fun。 A date with
Jacob； a date with Edward I laughed darkly to myself。 Jake could say what he
wanted about us being
a messed…up pair—I was the one who was truly messed up。 I made the werewolf
seem downright
normal。
I expected Jacob to meet me out front； the way he usually did when my noisy
truck announced my
arrival。 When he didn't； I guessed that he might still be sleeping。 I would
wait—let him get as much rest as
he could。 He needed his sleep； and that would give the day time to warm a bit
more。 Jake had been right
about the weather； though； it had changed in the night。 A thick layer of
clouds pressed heavily on the
atmosphere now； making it almost sultry； it was warm and close under the gray
blanket。 I left my sweater
in the truck。
I knocked quietly on the door。
〃C'mon in； Bella；〃 Billy said。
He was at the kitchen table； eating cold cereal。
〃Jake sleeping？〃
〃Er； no。〃 He set his spoon down； and his eyebrows pulled together。
〃What happened？〃 I demanded。 I could tell from his expression that something
had。
〃Embry； Jared； and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning。 Sam and Jake
took off to help。 Sam was
hopeful—she's hedged herself in beside the mountains。 He thinks they have a
good chance to finish this。〃
〃Oh； no； Billy；〃 I whispered。 〃Oh； no。〃
He chuckled； deep and low。 〃Do you really like La Push so well that you want
to extend your sentence
here？〃
〃Don't make jokes； Billy。 This is too scary for that。〃
〃You're right；〃 he agreed； still placent。 His ancient eyes were impossible
to read。 〃This one's tricky。〃
I bit my lip。
〃It's not as dangerous for them as you think it is。 Sam knows what he's doing。
You're the one that you
should worry about。 The vampire doesn't want to fight them。 She's just trying
to find a way around
them to you。〃
〃How does Sam know what he's doing？〃 I demanded； brushing aside his concern
for me。 〃They've only
killed just the one vampire—that could have been luck。〃
〃We take what we do very seriously； Bella。 Nothing's been forgotten。
Everything they need to know has
been passed down from father to son for generations。〃
That didn't fort me the way he probably intended it to。 The memory of
Victoria； wild； catlike； lethal；
was too strong in my head。 If she couldn't get around the wolves； she would
eventually try to go through
them。
Billy went back to his breakfast； I sat down on the sofa and flipped aimlessly
though the TV channels。
That didn't last long。 I started to feel closed in by the small room；
claustrophobic； upset by the fact that I
couldn't see out the curtained windows。
〃I'll be at the beach；〃 I told Billy abruptly； and hurried out the door。
Being outside didn't help as much as I'd hoped。 The clouds pushed down with an
invisible weight that
kept the claustrophobia from easing。 The forest seemed strangely vacant as I
walked toward the beach。 I
didn't see any animals—no birds； no squirrels。 I couldn't hear any birds；
either。 The silence was eerie；
there wasn't even the sound of wind in the trees。
I knew it was all just a product of the weather； but it still made me edgy。
The heavy； warm pressure of
the atmosphere was perceptible even to my weak human senses； and it hinted at
something major in the
storm department。 A glance at the sky backed this up； the clouds were churning
sluggishly despite the
lack of breeze on the ground。 The closest clouds were a smoky gray； but
between the cracks I could see
another layer that was a gruesome purple color。 The skies had a ferocious plan
in store for today。 The
animals must be bunkering down。
As soon as I reached the beach； I wished I hadn't e—I'd already had enough
of this place。 I'd been
here almost every day； wandering alone。 Was it so much different from my
nightmares？ But where else to
go？ I trudged down to the driftwood tree； and sat at the end so that I could
lean against the tangled
roots。 I stared up at the angry sky broodingly； waiting for the first drops to
break the stillness。
I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in。 Because
nothing could happen to
Jacob。 The thought was unendurable。 I'd lost too much already—would fate take
the last few shreds of
peace left behind？ That seemed unfair； out of balance。 But maybe I'd violated
some unknown rule；
crossed some line that had condemned me。 Maybe it was wrong to be so involved
with myths and
legends； to turn my back on the human world。 Maybe
No。