Granny？s fall。 Hey； hangovershurt ！
Okay； kids； time for me to take my own advice and follow it up with a little dip in the pool。
Which pool？ Oh； wouldn？t you like to know？
You know you love me。
gossip girl
birthday blues
？Happy birthday to me。？ Serena whispered； her voice hoarse and scratchy。 She slipped out of her
rumpled canopy bed and yawned miserably。 She？d been miserably half…asleep and half…awake all
night； unable to doze off soundly with Henry cuddled up next to her。 Nate？s words kept repeating
in her head：I love you； I love you； I love you。
Sliding her feet into her hot pink rubber flip…flops； she thwacked out of the bedroom。There was
no need to tiptoe？ Henry was snoring heavily enough that she could probably do an aerobics
routine on the bed without disturbing him。
The hallway was quiet； and pale early morning sun peeked in through the massive windows。 She
lingered by the glass momentarily； taking in the view： the green expanse of the wide lawn； the
calm glimmer of the swimming pool； the clear blue sky without even a suggestion of a cloud
overhead。 It was going to be another gorgeous day； but somehow the beautiful weather just made
her feel more miserable。
Who knew she had a secret dramatic streak？
Hugging her bare arms； Serena descended the grand main staircase down to the marble…tiled
foyer； surveying the party damage： glass tumblers with the sticky remnants of mostly finished
cocktails lining the entryway console table； stubbed…out cigarette butts strewn on the floor；
abandoned paper plates filled with half…eaten hamburgers strewn absent…mindedly on the coffee
table。 Heading into the living room； she glanced around at the sleeping partygoers lolling
list…lessly on the tufted leather sofas； empty liquor bottles lying defeated at their sides。
Hope the maid？s ing in today！
She studied the faces of the sleeping revelers？dozing and peaceful； not yet mindful of the horrid
hangovers that were their immediate future。 Everyone looked so sweet and innocent。 Only a few
hours before； they？d all joined in a rousing drunken chorus of ？Happy Birthday。？ She？d
pre…tended not to notice how they mumbled when they got to the ？dear Serena？ part。 Besides Erik
and Henry； the only other people at the party who knew her name were too busy upstairs to sing。
She found a clean tumbler in the kitchen and filled it with cold water； sipping it greedily to wash
the taste of morning breath from her tongue。
Yum。
Hopping up on the counter； she perched for a while； feeling like the last person alive after a
nuclear bomb or some other disaster。 But the quiet helped her clear her mind。 Today was her
eighteenth birthday； but she wasn？t thinking about what was ahead。 For the first time in a long；
long time； she couldn？t stop thinking about the past。
Everyone always assumed that she was as happy…go…lucky as she acted； but the truth was； shewas
acting。 At least； some of the time。 After all； even she looked liked crap when she？d been crying。
And during those early days at Hanover she？d cried alot。
She hopped off the counter and padded back into the library； sliding open the many small
drawers of her father？s heavy wooden desk until she unearthed some stationery。 Then； instead of
taking a seat in his giant leather office chair； she tucked herself under the desk。 It had been one of
her favorite hiding places when she was little。 Dark and cozy and safe； with the dank scent of
antique wood。 She tucked the swivel chair in so she was pletely hidden and started to write。
By the time she？d said what she needed to； she？d filled three pages of the ivory…colored Crane？s
writing paper。
Climbing out of her hiding place； Serena stuffed the pages into an envelope and sealed it with
two quick licks。 She scrawled a name across the front of it； and then； moving quickly so she
wouldn？t lose momentum or second…guess herself； she hurried out of the house and into the
driveway。 Dozens of cars were parked half on and half off the lawn； but it was easy to spot the
vintage hunter green Aston Martin； top still down； dewy and shining in the gray…gold morning
light。 She strode toward it purposefully； popped open the glove partment； and left the
envelope inside； faceup。
Somebody？s in for a big surprise。
？
Air Mail … Par Avion … July 14
Dear Dan；
Wow？that？s some big news！ Maybe we can go shopping together when I get back？ Or
ice…skating？ Do you like stuff like that now？
I was talking to Mom about it and she said that when you were little you were always hiding in
her closet； trying on her sequined dresses from the seventies。 Isn？t that funny？ Congratulations on
finally ing out of the closet！
I love you！
Jenny
my baby takes the morning train
？I？m home；？ Vanessa whispered as she quietly shuffled into Dan？s sprawling Upper West Side
apartment。 She care…fully deposited her backpack on an armchair laden with winter coats even
though it was July。 It was only eight o？clock in the morning and it didn？t seem fair to wake the
whole household just to announce her definitely untriumphant return。 How many times would she
slink back here？ It was basically the only place she had in the world to call home； and already
she？d had to retreat there a distressing number of times in the past few weeks： first； after being
unceremoniously evicted from the Williamsburg apartment； then after being fired from her first
real job working onBreakfast at Fred？s； and now after narrowly escaping a stint as a careless
nanny and then vapid muse to the maniacally enthusiastic Bailey Winter。
Some summer！
？Who？s there？？
Slightly startled to hear Dan？s voice？at least itsounded like Dan？so early in the morning； Vanessa
squinted into the still…dark hallway。 ？Dan？ It？s me。Vanessa。？
？Vanessa；？ Dan muttered sadly。 He was paler than usual； and his cheeks had a dusting of
irregular stubble over them； like he？d started to shave and then changed his mind。
Eggplant…colored circles ringed his eyes； and he was clutching an unlit cigarette in his hand as if
he？d forgotten to light it and then forgotten it was there。
Wow？someone really isn？t a morning person。
？Dan？ You look like？？ She paused； taking in the oily sheen of his unwashed； matted hair。 She
was suddenly over…whelmed with the feeling of wanting to draw him a bath and make him some
oatmeal。 She vaulted forward； sweeping him up in her arms。 He smelled like musty cigarettes and
armpit； but for some reason Vanessa still found it forting。 But just as she leaned in a little
closer； smelling his spottily shaven neck； he stepped out of her embrace。 ？Are you okay？？ she
demanded； concerned。
？I don？t know。？ Dan stuck the unlit cigarette into the corner of his mouth and patted his pockets
miserably。 ？I can？t find my lighter。？ He sounded almost on the verge of tears。
？Your lighter？？ It didn？t sound like that was his only problem。 Poor Dan； sometimes he took
imitating Keats a little too much to heart。
？It doesn？t matter。？ Dan removed the cigarette from his mouth and tucked it behind his ear；
where a mass of his slick； dirty hair kept it in place。 ？I？m going to make some coffee。You want
some？？
Really； all she wanted to do was collapse into bed； possibly with Dan； but he was acting entirely
bizarre。 Plus he smelled weird。
？Coffee sounds good。？ Vanessa placed her arm gently around Dan？s shoulders； as though he was
a delicate waif in need of forting。 She led him down the brown…rice…colored hallway toward
the kitchen。 ？MaybeI？ll make it； and you can just sit and tell me why you？re such a mess。？
Dan shuffled down the hallway after her but hadn？t even made it to the kitchen before the words
exploded out of him。 ？I let this dude I met at the Strand kiss me。We started a salon together。 I？m
gay。 My dad said he did some gay stuff when he was hanging out with poets back in the day； but
me？I？m really gay。？
Vanessa brushed past him and into the kitchen。 She unscrewed the lid on the mercial…size jar
of Folgers crystals on the counter。 Dan sat down at the worn Formica table and sank his head in
his hands。
？What do you mean you ？started a salon？？？ she demanded； totally ignoring the gay part of the
equation。 ？You？re Mr。 Never Get a Real Haircut。What do you know about salons？？
Dan had to smile。 ？No； a literary salon。 Asa lon；？ he repeated with the correct intonation。 He
stopped smiling。 God； he sounded gay。 ？There were lots of pretty girls at our first meeting； and
they were kissing each other too。？ He frowned； totally confused。 ？But I kissed Greg。？
Vanessa microwaved a pitcher of water and poured it out into two mismatched mugs； stirring in
spoonfuls of instant coffee。 She took a sip and made a face。 Christ； Folgers fucking tasted like dog
piss after all the amazing coffee she？d been drinking in the Hamptons。
？So let me get this straight。？ She took another sip of the acrid coffee and looked across the room；
past the mountain of unwashed dishes and the bowl of deposing bananas to the rickety stool
where Dan was perched miserably。 ？No pun intended。？
？Ha；？ Dan said joylessly。
？So 。 。 。 you？re gay。 You。 Dan Humphrey。 Gay。 Not gay happy…gay。 Gay…gay。 Gay；
I…like…to…kiss…boys gay。？Vanessa raised her dark eyebrows doubtfully。
？I wouldn？t exactly say Ilike to kiss boys。？ Dan frowned。 ？But I did。？
Jesus。 She？d only been gone three days and Dan had already met someone else。 Girl； boy；
monkey。 It just seemed kind of fast。 ？Well； I ate a salad once。 Doesn？t mean I？m a vegetarian。？
？It？s not that simple。 I got a postcard from Jenny that said my mom said I used to wear dresses
when I was a kid。？ Dan ran his fingers through his hair； inadvertently destroying the cigarette he？d
tucked behind his ear only a few minutes before。 ？Shit。？
？It kind ofis simple； Dan。 Look； you？re either gay or you？re not。 Or 。 。 。？ Vanessa paused；
considering this third option。 ？You？re bi。 Maybe that？s what it is。You？re just 。 。 。 exploring。
Discovering yourself。？
？Do you think so？？ Dan？s face brightened momentarily。 ？I mean； Greg？s nice。 We like the same
things。 But last night； when he was here； it totally freaked me out。 And I didn？t kiss him again。 I
just couldn？t。？
Part of Vanessa still wanted to be annoyed Dan had been kissing someone else while she had
been；ew； considering Chuck Bass as a substitute for Dan； but she couldn？t help but be moved by
his pathetic state of total confusion。 The little furrow in his brow looked like it had been there for
days； and the defeated slope of his shoulders made her want to carry him to his room and tuck him
in like a baby。 And then do it with him。
But she brushed that thought aside for a moment。 Dan was gay； or maybe bi。 But he？d also been
a lot of other things at different times： a toast…of…the…town literary sensation； a one…night…only rock
god； a rebellious senior graduation speaker； a fitness freak。 Now he was gay。 It couldn？t possibly
last longer than any of his other phases； and when he got tired of being gay or he realized that
being gay would mean actually kissing guys and not girls？her in particular？well； she