那么，这是否就意味着，另一种极端就是健康的呢？一旦有些负面的情绪和感觉，便大呼小叫、呐喊、大笑或是大哭，没有一点克制？
有一件事是肯定的：一种感觉越是能证明自己，它就越是浅层次上的。任由情绪发泄，放纵自己，甚至通过这些来操控别人，都只能是不光彩的末路行为。
感情因素不需要影响我们的行为。就如同被宠坏的孩子，他们渴望被关注，但一旦我们识破了这点，他们就会安静下来，让我们自由地接受他们的存在。
Feelings 感觉（2）
最纯洁、最神圣的感觉，是那些在我们孤独、平静时在心底所感受到的。这些感觉，不在乎任何人的赏识，也不去迎合任何一种需求。它们，就是我们的一部分。
原谅你的敌人，是一种甜蜜的乐趣。毕竟，你的尊严和道德在此时战胜了对手。没有什么东西比对手的原谅更能摧垮一个邪恶的人了。
如果一个你深爱的人犯下了伤害你的错误，让你失望，践踏了你的心，那就是另外一码事了。你怎么能够原谅他呢？然而，原谅却可以减轻已经造成的伤害，而你需要做的，仅仅是，宽恕。
当你真正想要的是让伤害你的人内疚，让他们知道任何愧疚都无法弥补他们的过错时，你就是在惩罚他们，即使是以毁掉你自己为代价。
痛苦是一种病；唯一的治愈方法就是原谅。但是，并不是每个人都有勇气去唤起内心的力量来作出这一壮举。
因此，我建议你，为了预防这种需要你谅解的事件发生，如果真的感到受伤，你要在一开始就坦白而诚实地说出你的感受，而不要等到那些伤害开始溃烂以后才让对方知道。
另一个安全的措施，就是要确保你的任何语言和行为都不要成为滋养这种危险的、深至于心的怨恨生长的温床。
对原谅的需要，如同缺乏原谅一样，都会让关系终结。
Ireland； 2000： The national conscience has been shattered by revel…ations of the ill…treatment of children in religious institutions。
Inconceivable but true： the most vulnerable members of our society； who； for a variety of reasons； did not receive their rightful share of love； care and protection； were incarcerated in homes； stripped of identity； left to starve and suffer； prey to predators who abused them。
The authorities knew about their plight but did little to relieve it。 Why should anybody care about children of no consequence？ They did not even have a vote！
The knowledge is disturbing but eased by the excuse that it all happened a long time ago。 Thankfully； things have changed。
Nowadays； the most vulnerable members of our society； who； for a variety of reasons； do not receive their rightful share of love； care and protection； are sent out into the streets； stripped of identity； left to starve and suffer； prey to predators who abuse them。
The authorities know about their plight but do little to relieve it。 Why should anybody care about children of no consequence？ They do not even have a vote！
It will take more than a public outcry to change the way decision…makers feel about those wretches whose welfare depends on them。
A Connemara hotelier wrote a furious letter to the County Manager plaining that； in his area； renowned for outstanding natural beauty； major road repairs were consistently carried out in the height of the tourist season。 If this wasn’t sabotage； he growled； it was an example of extreme professional insensitivity。
The County Engineer replied； politely and regretfully； explaining that； given the Irish climate；they had no option but to repair the roads in summer； as otherwise the tar wouldn’t set。
The hotel owner laughed when he told the story。 “Years of anger and frustration – and all due to my own ignorance！”
I was reminded of a man I knew； whose childhood had been overshadowed by the fact that； aged eight； he had been dispatched to relatives in the country； while his mother underwent treatment for cancer。 To spare the boy； nothing was said about the cause for his removal。
He suffered through many weeks； assuming that he must have done something terrible to forfeit the right to his home and to his parents’ love。 Even after he grew up and got his facts straight； the feeling of rejection persisted。
It’s staggering to think that； even as we speak； countless lives and relationships are being ruined by virulent； destructive feelings generated by pure misconceptions。
Feelings 感觉（3）
If only everyone ensured that they were properly informed before allowing a feeling to take root； the world wouldn’t be full of fools barking up the wrong tree！
The door…bell rang。 A friend walked in； pale and shattered。 Dark rings under red…rimmed eyes； lips quivering from restrained emotion。 “She’s
left me；” he whispered； as if expecting the words to hurt。 “After fourteen years of an ideal marriage； she’s upped and left me。”
I couldn’t help thinking of his wife telling me in confidence that the marriage； to her； was a prison： a locked cell； stifling and restrictive； no access to daylight or fresh air。 “I shall have to break out；” she had stated calmly； “or else go under。”
“I love her；” he said brokenly。 “Since the day we met； I’ve only lived for her。 My life was dedicated to her welfare。 Without her； I have nothing。”
It crossed my mind that this degree of spousal devotion seems to e more naturally to men。 I wonder if it stems from an unconscious hankering back to the blessed state of infancy； when all their require…ments were filled by a bountiful madonna； who asked for nothing but submission in return。
“Could it be；” I ventured carefully； in an attempt to help； if not fort； “that your relationship has been based on your needs more than hers？”
“Not at all；” he snapped； offended。 “I never had a thought for myself。 I gave her everything； each living moment。 Body and soul； I was all hers。” Bewilderment took over； as he pondered： “How can any woman walk away from such devotion？”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him。 Perhaps one day I will。
Of all emotions； the most dangerous are those we don’t know we have。 They are the cause of rash； impulsive acts； they drive us to be erratic； distort our sense of judgement。
It’s natural enough to want to close the door on feelings that are painful or unworthy。 But suppression has an awful lot to answer for in terms of devastation。
Does that mean the other extreme is more healthy？ Emotions erupting at short notice； making us scream and shout； laugh or cry； with little or no restraint？
One thing is certain： the more easily a feeling manifests itself； the more superficial it is。 Using moods to let off steam； indulge ourselves； or even to manipulate others； is a means to an end not altogether honourable。
Emotional responses need not affect our conduct。 Like spoilt children； they crave attention； but once we recognize them； they settle down； leaving us free to accept them as being there； somewhere in the background； though no more important to our life than the twinge you register when a needle pricks your finger。
The purest； most sacred feelings are those we encounter deep inside ourselves in moments of solitude and peace。 Such feelings crave no tribute； answer to no needs。 They are； in themselves； what we consist of。
Forgiving an enemy is a sweet pleasure。 After all； it is entirely in your own interest to rise high above your adversary in integrity and dignity。 Nothing crushes a person of ill will like the opponent’s magnanimity。
It’s different when a loved one inflicts a wound； lets you down； tramples all over your ； play down the transgression； almost； you might say； condone it –
when what you really want is to pound their guilt； draw attention to the crime for which no remorse is sufficient。 Punish them for your pain； even at the expense of destroying your own self。
Bitterness is a disease； the only cure forgiveness。 But not everyone is capable of summoning the inner strength required for such a feat。
Therefore； it is advisable to forestall situations that call for these heroic deeds； by acknowledging hurt openly and honestly； at an early stage： before the wound begins to fester。
Another safety device is for your own part to ensure that nothing you say or do could bee a hot bed for such dangerous deep resentment。
It is the need for forgiveness； as much as the lack of it； that kills relationships。