“好了。”当他把写好的纸递给医生时，医生说：“你的一部分工作完成了，现在剩下的，就是由你自己决定如何处理单子上的这些事情了。”
他开始向写下的那些他不喜欢的事情一一告别：妻子、孩子、年迈的父亲、爱流口水的狗，还有他大价钱卖掉的房子，那些钱足以让他还清贷款，支付赡养费。
他把工作列在了以上事情的下一行：由于身体原因提早退休。接着他自己住到了托雷莫里诺（Torremolinos）的一个小公寓里，在那里，他可以整年地享受他在单子上列出的两件他极其享受的事——高尔夫和帆板。
就算他的确过得不开心，但是，用治疗语言来讲，他至少对自己是真实的。
两年后，他回到了伦敦，接受抑郁症的治疗。
“这个治疗师一点也不好，”他向我抱怨道，“她说，我的问题在于，我太自私了。如果我做一些对别人有益的事，我的健康情况就会大为好转。这跟我以前所知道的完全是相悖的！”
“我如何才能兼顾二者呢？”他绝望地说道，“既照顾到别人，同时又活出真实的自己？这根本不可能啊！”
如我所述，这是一个麻烦重重的灵魂。
我还记得自己被嫉妒咬噬时的滋味，那让我感觉自己恶毒极了。我嫉妒的对象是学校里的一个女孩儿：金发、活跃，还有一双绿色的眼睛。不仅仅是漂亮，她还是那么的沉着。像她这样的女孩儿还能再期望得到什么？
她的自命不凡简直让我无法忍受。她是那么的光芒四射，风趣幽默，开心快活。人人都喜欢她，除了像我一样少数被她折磨的人。
有一天，当她走过来问我，是否愿意跟她交朋友时，我简直要晕了。她看起来非常真诚，说自己非常敬佩我在班上的威严，那是她一直想尽力争取的。
终于，她的吸引力还是占了上风，我成为了她最忠实的奴仆，沐浴在她的光芒底下。而作为我忠实的支持者，她推动着我那脆弱的自我意识。这段友谊简直如同天赐。
然而，就像所有熊熊燃烧的火焰一样，她也没能燃烧多久。就在19岁生日后不久，她毫无预兆地死去了。
这件事给了我重重一击。我曾一直以为，在我们两人中间，她是那个受到特别恩典的，而我是那个被剥夺了种种权力的人。
想起自己之前的嫉妒，我终于意识到，我们无法得知生命中会遇到什么，但是无论如何，都不能给嫉妒留有任何余地。
我的一个朋友自从出生那天起，就一直生活在她那可怕母亲的折磨下。她生活的空间里处处充溢着情绪化的因子，而其中内疚便是最具杀伤力的武器。似乎她的每一个呼吸都会伤害到母亲，让母亲难过、烦忧、郁闷或是更糟。
“我再也忍受不了了，”她绝望地告诉我，“我的整个生活都在向我妈妈道歉。”
“对，必须停止，”我说，“你已经是个成年的独立的女人了。该是你告诉她她应该为自己的情绪负责任的时候了。没有人有权利为他自己的感受而责怪别人。”
她听取了我的建议。但是，很显然，这一切得到的是她母亲冷冰冰的漠视。
在那之后的一天，我的这个朋友开了一个独唱会。她是个很有才华的音乐家。她的母亲，像往常一样，也参加了。演出后，她把女儿的表演贬得一无是处，还说了些她从洗手间里听来的观众的评价——刺耳的、羞辱的谣传。书 包 网 txt小说上传分享
Others 别人（2）
她那一向温柔体贴的女儿突然大哭了起来。“妈妈，别再说了。”她请求道，“你一定知道这是多么伤人。”
她母亲犀利地看了看她：“别为你的情绪责怪我，亲爱的，你不是也说过吗，应该为自己的感受负责。”
“不，”突然间，我的朋友似乎悟到了什么，那或许是她生命中最重要的觉悟，“如果别人是有意去伤害你，那句话就不适用。”
我是每个欺凌弱小者的盘中餐，我总是能像蜂蜜吸引蜜蜂一样吸引各色爱欺负人的家伙。面对攻击，我好像毫无抵抗力。
每次别人故意攻击我的时候，不管是语言上的还是身体上的，我都会哭鼻子，完完全全地向耻辱投降，让那些人得逞。
我是多么痛恨自己如此懦弱！痛恨自己不能站起来反抗，这让我感到深深地羞愧。
那时，天真的我并没有认识到，在你原本以为会找到友谊的地方发现残酷，或是在你信任他人的时候却发现虚伪时，感觉到委屈并不代表着软弱。
后来，我逐渐发觉，这种特殊的痛苦感并非仅是我对个人经历的体验，当面对诸多人类不公时——小动物被虐待的故事、毫无缘由的暴力事件、大屠杀的纪录片、现代战争的暴行——我能感受到同样的哽咽和酸楚。
然而，我所为之悲恸的，并非受害者，他们的灵魂并没有被恶魔占据。我的悲恸，是为那些误导无辜者的人们，他们有意让自己失去了生命中唯一有价值的东西，失去了唯一能给生命赋予价值的东西。
他们让自己否定和远离了作为一个人所应该体验到的善良和美好。对他们而言，无所谓希望，也无从拯救。
如今，当我的眼泪为他们而流时，我已不再感到羞愧。
With marital breakdown and single parenthood increasing； step…families are being more and more mon。 Such relationships are never easy。 Indeed； the worst mistake people make is to pretend they are。
Having witnessed first…hand the powerful emotions ruling the responses of those involved in family arrangements not of their choosing； I can’t help noting； with interest that women who have a family and re…marry tend to be apologetic to their new partner for saddling him with another man’s issue； whereas a man with a family is much more likely to be apologetic towards his progeny for replacing their mother in his affections。
In the first instance； children are made to feel that they are an undesired； undesirable appendage； in the other； the children appoint themselves critical； resentful judges of their father’s choice。 Neither is conducive to harmonious co…existence； or a healthy psychological climate。
We all need the family as a fortable and secure base camp： a place to prepare for life’s battles and recover in between campaigns。
All members of a troop have an equal right to its facilities。 So let’s forget about apologizing。 Support each other； irrespective of blood ties； the way no one else will。
A man I know is a troubled soul。 Mid…life； he had a breakdown。 In therapy he was told to make a list of things he felt he couldn’t cope with； and overleaf； write down what he most enjoyed。
“Well done；” said the therapist； as he handed in his list。 “That’s the bulk of your work done。 All that remains is for you to decide what you want to do about all these。”
He started by saying good…bye to the things he didn’t favour： wife； children； elderly father； drooling dog。 The family home he sold at a handsome profit； which allowed him to pay off both wife and hefty mortgage。
His job was next in line： early retirement on the grounds of ill health。 Then he went to live in a small apartment in Torremolinos； where he could indulge； all year round； in the two items on his list of preference： golf and windsurfing。
If he wasn’t entirely happy； he was at least； at last； in therapeutic parlance； true to himself。
Two years later he was back in London receiving treatment for depression。
Others 别人（3）
“This therapist is no good at all；” he plained to me。 “She says my problem is； I’m too selfish。 If I did something to benefit other people； my health would improve dramatically。 That’s a plete contradiction of what I was taught before！”
“How can I do both？” he exclaimed despairingly。 “Benefit others whilst remaining true to myself？ It’s impossible！”
As I said； he is a troubled soul。
I can recall being eaten with envy。 It made me feel quite ill。 The object was a girl in my school： blonde； dynamic； with glittering green eyes。 Beyond being beautiful； she was wonderfully self…possessed。 What else could a teenager wish for？
Her smugness irritated me no end。 She was so radiant； so full of fun； so damned pleased with life。 Everyone adored her； except me and a few others equally afflicted。
I nearly fainted the day she came to me requesting； would I be her friend？ Seemingly sincere； she claimed to be in awe of my prowess in the classroom； where she herself had to struggle。
Resentment gave way to devotion。 I became her faithful servant sunning myself in her glory； she my loyal supporter boosting my fragile self。 It was a friendship made in heaven； forged for life。
Sadly； like many flares burning brightly； hers was not made to last。 Shortly after her nineteenth birthday； without warning； she died。
It struck me then as absurd that； of the two of us； she should be the one who perished； while I was the one who was spared。 I had always regarded her as the one who was privileged； myself as the one deprived。
I thought of my former envy and realised that； since we don’t know what’s in store for any of us； envy is never justified。
A friend of mine had been tyrannised by a formidable mother since the day she was born。 She lived under an emotional terror…reign； where guilt was the main offensive weapon。 It seemed she couldn’t blink an eye without causing her mother to be hurt； upset； annoyed； distressed or worse。
“I can’t take any more；” she told me in despair。 “My whole life is spent apologising to my mother。”
“It has to stop；” I agreed。 “You are an adult independent woman。 It’s time you told her once and for all that her emotions are her own responsibility。 No one has a right to blame others for what they feel。”
She heeded my advice。 The message； apparently； was received with ice…cold equanimity。
Some time later； my friend gave a recital – she is a very talented musician。 Her mother； as usual； attended； and afterwards； with relish； pulled her daughter’s performance to pieces； adding； for good measure； quotes from the audience： scathing； humiliating remarks that she purported to have overheard in the ladies’ room。
Her sweet； gentle daughter burst into tears。 “Mummy； don’t say any more；” she pleaded。 “Surely you realise how much it hurts。”
Her mother turned a beady eye on her： “Don’t blame me； dear； for your emotions。 You said it yourself： they are your responsibility。”
“No；” said my friend； reached by a sudden insight – perhaps the most important one she’d had。 “That rule does not apply when someone hurts you intentionally。”
I was every bully’s dream。 They were drawn to me like bees to honey。 Such easy game： I must have been irresistible。
The minute someone wilfully attacked me； verbally or physically； I broke right down； burst into tears： submission； humiliation plete。 Bully’s mission acplished。
How I hated myself for being so weak！ For not being able to stand up for myself。 It left me with a deep sense of shame。
I was too innocent to know that it isn’t weakness to feel aggrieved as you discover brutality where you expected friendship； duplicity where you had placed your trust； malice where you had felt devotion。
At a later stage I learnt that this particular despair was not on behalf of my own person。 I felt – still feel – that same lump in my throat whenever faced with human iniquity： tales of tortured kittens； gratuitous violence； documentaries on the Holocaust； reports of current war atrocities。
However； my lament is not for the victims； whose souls no wanton cruelty can touch； but for those misguided wretches； who deliberately have taken their leave of the only thing worth living for： the only thing that gives life value。
Rejecting and negating human kindness； they’ve placed themselves beyond its reach。 For them there is no hope； no redemption。
Now； as my tears fall for them； I am no longer ashamed。
。。
Duality 二重性（1）
生命中最美妙的一件事就是拥有一个好伙伴——你们一起享受由心而生的开怀大笑，一起品味轻松的友情，他是一个倾听者，一个你可以依靠的人，也是一位愿意牵你手的人。
真正的友谊，好比纯金，你可以很容易地定义它，因为它拥有最完美的平衡感，不为权力和地位所侵蚀，双方全心投入而非相互利用。
人类对于友情的渴望，有时是源自对孤独的恐惧和对安全感的需求。我们正是因为这两点才会变得脆弱，也让那些打着友谊的幌子却怀有不轨之心的人有机可乘。
有些人对别人友好，是因为他知道自己将会从中获利，这样的人还算不上恶劣。恶劣的是那些被嫉妒和愤恨充盈的人，他们通过贬低别人来抬高自己，任意践踏别人伸来的援助之手，通过施压来获得控制权，同样可恶的还有那些将自己的快乐建立于他