kitchen； Googling Hollis。 She’d found out he ran track in high school； that his mom was a sociology and gender studies professor at UCLA； his dad was a pioneer in philanthropic microlending to developing countries； and that he’d won several film contests as an undergrad。 He’d also showed up in a couple Tribeca Film Festival party photos； above the caption “The Sexy Side of Celluloid。”
She couldn’t stop thinking about him。 She wondered what his bedroom looked like and if he had a girlfriend and what he was doing now。 And； of course； what he thought of the kiss。
The kiss。
It shouldn’t have happened。 Vanessa knew that。 She’d immediately broken it off and run all the way down the four flights of stairs and hailed a cab。 It wasn’t until she was halfway home that she’d realized she’d left her video camera at his apartment。 She’d sent him a quick e…mail asking him to drop it off at the Cantor Film Center； where she’d pick it up next semester； but hadn’t heard anything back。 Which was a good thing。 Maybe Hollis regretted the kiss just as much as she did。 After all； Dan would be back in a few days—back for good。 They were about to start a new life together。 Entertaining a crush on her former TA was not a promising start。
The loud screech of the buzzer yanked Vanessa out of her reverie。 She slid off the steel stool and ran over to the ancient inter system。
“Hello？” she asked curiously。 Maybe it was one of Rufus’s Beat poet friends。 They sometimes stopped by without warning。
“Vanessa？” a gravelly voice asked。 Hollis。 Fuck。 Why had he e here？ Was he stalking her？
Asks the girl who’s spent the entire afternoon on a Googlefest。
“Hey；” Vanessa said。 She tried to sound casual； but it came out more like a bark。
“I have your camera。 Buzz me up？” Hollis yelled into the inter。 Vanessa looked around in panic。 The general level of cleanliness of the Humphrey apartment always hovered somewhere between dusty and disastrous； and it was closer to the disastrous end of the spectrum today。 With Rufus and Dan away； Vanessa had gotten lazy。 There were half…empty mugs of tea everywhere； her clothes created a messy trail from the living room to the bedroom； and she was in her pj’s； a cut…up black sweatshirt and boy shorts。
She quickly ran into the bathroom and bed her fingers through her short black hair。 Right now； the back was misbehaving； turning up in a little ducktail no matter how many times she smoothed it down。 She frowned as she noticed a deodorant stain on the outside edge of her sweatshirt。 She hurriedly threw the sweatshirt on the floor and ran into her bedroom。 She rifled through the dresser drawer and picked out a gray long…sleeve thermal T…shirt and an old Marc by Marc Jacobs jean skirt she’d co…opted from Blair Waldorf during the few weeks they’d been roommates the year before。 She just finished buttoning the skirt when she heard a knock on the door。
She swung open the door and stood in the entrance。 Hollis wore a messenger cap and square Prada glasses。 His gray eyes looked slightly tired； like he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a few days。
Vanessa grinned firmly； but kept her body wedged in the doorframe。 It probably wasn’t a good idea to let him inside。
“Ever heard of e…mail？” she challenged； crossing her arms over her chest。 In her haste to get ready； she hadn’t put on a bra； and hoped it wasn’t obvious。
Hollis grinned。 Vanessa tore her eyes away from his broad； easy smile。 “Hey yourself； Cinderella。”
“Sorry about that；” Vanessa apologized。 It must have seemed pretty weird when she’d run away at the stroke of midnight。
Hollis gently brushed past her and into the apartment； surveying the surroundings。 A large abstract charcoal portrait Jenny had done of Dan and Rufus hung above the lumpy； mustard…yellow couch。 “So； this is your place。” The way Hollis said it； she couldn’t tell if he was making fun of her。
“Sort of；” Vanessa said defensively。 “I mean； I live with my friend’s family。”
Doesn’t she mean boyfriend’s family？
“For some reason I always thought you were a Williamsburg girl。” Hollis shrugged off his coat and hung it over the back of one of the rickety wooden chairs in the kitchen。 He walked over to the floor…to…ceiling bookshelf in the corner and squinted at the book spines。
“Um； I used to live in Brooklyn；” Vanessa said nervously。 What was her problem？ Even Jenny at her most awkward would have had more poise。 “Anyway； do you want something to eat？” she asked lamely。 She needed something to do besides stare at Hollis。
She opened the fridge。 There was a half…eaten tub of hummus that had turned an odd green color； a coagulation of some sort of stew； three cans of a strange red Bavarian beer Rufus liked； and a mysterious protein shake。 “Scratch that！” Vanessa hastily slammed the door shut。 “Do you want to go out and get a drink？ Or a snack？ The diner on the corner has really good cheese fries；” she babbled。
“I hope you don’t mind； but I watched the footage on your camera；” Hollis said； ignoring her nervous chatter。 “It’s really fucking good； Abrams。”
Vanessa blinked in confusion。 Hollis sounded like her TA again。 Had the kiss even happened？
“Can we watch it together？ I’d love to talk to you about it；” he prodded。
“Sure。 Sorry it’s a mess。” Vanessa pushed open the door to Dan’s room and kicked a pile of dirty laundry away。 She awkwardly stuck her hands in the pockets of her skirt。 Dan’s bags from Evergreen were stacked against the wall； and the bed hadn’t been made。 She knew she should feel weird about having Hollis in the apartment； but it was really hard to think about Dan when she could sense Hollis’s eyes on her； watching her every move。
“I like it here。 You saw my apartment； and that was before plete party carnage。 I’m twenty…five and I live in a shithole。” Hollis busied himself with attaching the camera cables to the puter； then sat on the edge of the bed expectantly。 He took off his hat and ran a hand through his thick jet…black hair。
“Okay；” Vanessa muttered； pressing play。 She took a seat on the floor； as far away from Hollis as possible。 The screen sprang to life； panning out from a MetroCard stuck to the floor of the subway car to a homeless man on the plastic orange seats； surrounded by all of his belongings； peacefully reading a book。
Next； the camera zoomed wildly； capturing the faces of people as they were rushing to the subway。 Hollis sat up。 “This is my favorite part。”
“Really？” Vanessa asked； flattered。 He’d critiqued her work before； but this felt so much more personal。
The bedroom setting can have that effect。
“Yeah。 But sometimes you’re so removed。 I just want to know more about your subjects。 Why you chose them。 Who they are；” Hollis mused as the camera jump…cut from an old lady feeding pigeons in Union Square to a group of revelers spilling out from the subway。
Vanessa continued to watch as the camera shakily followed two girls wearing matching silver sequined dresses trip up the First Avenue L station stairs。 From their backs； you couldn’t tell how old they were。 They looked like they were searching for danger。
Hollis tenderly cupped Vanessa’s chin and pulled her into him。 “This is what I’ve been wanting to do since the party；” he whispered。 She felt his stubble against her cheek。 They weren’t kissing； but their lips were millimeters apart。 Vanessa leaned in； and her lips touched his。
Cut！
“We’ve had a great day together； haven’t we； sonny？” The truck driver； whose real name was Hank； asked as he rested his beefy arm on Dan’s shoulder。 The truck pulled onto the West Side Highway。
Yeah； right； Dan thought。 The whole time； Hank had given Dan life lessons on women。 “You can just drop me off at Ninety…sixth Street；” Dan said hurriedly。 “Actually； here’s fine。” Close enough。
“Okay；” Hank said； looking disappointed as he reached over Dan to open the door of the truck。
“Thanks！” Dan yelled as he slung his duffel bag over his shoulder and began making his way to his apartment three blocks up。 New York was freezing； but the air felt redemptive。 He felt like he could run up a mountain。
He bounded up the stairs two at a time。 Maybe it had been the outdoor air； but he barely felt winded as he reached the fifth…floor landing outside the apartment。 Or maybe it was the fact that； unlike his roommate at Evergreen； who’d hooked up with almost every girl in the Victoria Woodhull Vegan Womyn’s Co…Op； Dan would never have to go through his life uncertain that he was loved and in love。 He dug into his khakis and found his keys； held on a simple lanyard key chain that Jenny had made one summer at craft camp。
He opened the door and heard the muted sound of a film playing in Vanessa’s room。 He couldn’t wait to see her face when he surprised her。
“Honey； I’m hooooome！” Dan called eagerly。 He cracked a grin at how simple and lovely the phrase sounded。 He swung the door to his bedroom open。
“Dan！” Vanessa was lying on his bed； naked save for her red boy shorts with black X’s all over them。 But she wasn’t alone。 She was with a guy。 An equally naked guy。
Dan gaped； unsure of what was going on。 Was this a bad joke or a dream or some weird sweat lodge vision？
Vanessa scrambled out of bed and stood up； holding the blue flannel duvet around her body。 “I can explain；” she stuttered helplessly。 Her face was flushed； her lips looked red and bee…stung； and her dark eyes were wide and confused。
“Who the fuck is that？” Dan heard himself asking。 He felt like he was a character in one of those lame romantic edies that Jenny loved。 In just a second he’d find out that this wasn’t Vanessa； but her long…lost twin； who’d sneaked into the Humphreys’ house to hide her boyfriend from the Feds。
Right。
“I’ll leave you guys alone；” Hollis said bluntly。 He shrugged his shoulders and pulled on his T…shirt。 He shot Vanessa one last； long look； and then stalked out of the bedroom and out the front door。
Vanessa felt rooted to the spot。 She wanted to run after Hollis； and she wanted to fort Dan； all at once。 This was very bad。
The understatement of the year。
Dan could feel the tears beginning to well up in his hazel eyes。 He felt his heart clench。 Was this what having a heart attack felt like？
He looked around for something to throw。 He needed to hear something shattering； because that was what his heart was doing right now。 He picked up Vanessa’s video camera and hurled it； as hard as he could； against the opposite wall。 Instead of breaking； it bounced onto the floor； then rolled under the bed。
Art is indestructible。
“Fuck you；” Dan shouted。 “And by the way； you can’t live here anymore！”
He stormed out of the room and through the front door of his apartment； slamming the door behind him； and hurtled down the fire stairs。 His hands were shaking。 He was home； but he felt further away from anything he’d ever known。
Sometimes home is where the heart breaks。
that’s what makes b a fighter
“Here’s good！” Serena announced to her driver as the Lincoln Town Car sailed past Nate’s limestone town house on Eighty…second。 Normally； Serena was embarrassed that her agent demanded she be pr