。 Besides； there’d be plenty of time for that later。 “I’ll just get ready。” Vanessa smiled； trying to figure out what she should wear。 It had been a long time since she’d been to a party。
“Oh； you want to e？” Hollis asked in surprise。 “Okay； that’s cool。 Guys； want some beers？ You picked some up； right； babe？” Hollis asked Vanessa； already midway to the Sub…Zero refrigerator。 He hadn’t even taken off his jacket。
Vanessa shook her head in disbelief。 Um； no she hadn’t； and since when was her job to go on beer runs for the guys she didn’t know were ing over？
“That’s fine。 We have a bottle of wine。” Hollis grabbed the bottle of white Ruby had brought over the other night。
That’s mine！ Vanessa wanted to yell。 But that was ridiculous。 It was Hollis’s apartment。 “You know； I think I’m actually going to stay in for the night。 Have fun； guys。” Vanessa shrugged。
“You sure？” Hollis asked。 “I won’t be home too late。 So good to be back！” Hollis said； kissing the top of Vanessa’s head。
Vanessa collapsed back on the leather couch and pulled her phone from the crevice behind the cushions。 One new text。 She smiled。 It was probably Hollis； texting from a cab； sweetly saying that he’d miss her and that he’d be back soon。
Instead； it was from Dan。 Asking if she’d rather sled or eat his dad’s fondue。 She immediately thought of Rufus； his crazy outfits and his crazier culinary creations； and then of Dan’s traumatizing story about being mowed over by a large man on a sled when he was a kid。 She laughed out loud； the tension of the last half hour slowly seeping from her limbs。
She looked down at the keypad and quickly typed in I HATE SLEDDING。 BRING ON THE FONDUE！
Immediately； her phone lit up again： WOULD YOU RATHER BE LOCKED OUT OF A PARTY IN TRIBECA OR LOCKED ON THE ROOF OF YOUR OLD APT IN WILLIAMSBURG？
Vanessa smiled。 Dan was alluding to the first time they’d met； when they’d both found themselves locked out of a party back in high school。 Vanessa had e out onto the fire escape to get some air； and Dan had e out for a cigarette； closing the fire door behind him and locking them both out。 Together； they’d climbed down the side of the massive brick building； and wound up at a nearby bar； talking late into the night and quickly being friends。 That felt so long ago now。
Vanessa pulled her legs underneath her and spread a blanket over her legs。 It was nice to hear from Dan； and especially nice that he didn’t seem to hate her anymore。 Outside； she could hear people from the bar across the street talking and laughing。 She smiled to herself； then texted back： DEPENDS WHO I’D BE LOCKED OUT WITH。
Now who says texting is impersonal？
tangled up in s…
Serena scampered up the snowy hill； pulling a handmade toboggan behind her。 “Natie； let’s race！” she called； her breath ing out in small white puffs。 The floodlights outside the house were on； casting the property in an eerie glow。 Chuck and Blair were already halfway down the hill。 Jenny was still struggling up with her toboggan。 It kept slipping from her mittened hands and sliding back down。
“Okay。” Nate ran after Serena。 It struck him that they were twenty—actual adults—and yet all they wanted to do was act like little kids。 It was like that dumb cliché： The more you change； the more you stay the same。 Maybe growing up was just about being closer to the person you always were。
And he came up with that without any herbal aid。 Impressive。
“Hey！” Nate easily caught up with Serena； wrapping his arms around her willowy； athletic frame。
Serena whirled around to face him； her blond hair whipping his face。 She playfully pushed Nate so he took a lurching step backward into a snowbank。
“No mercy！” Nate yelled； pulling her down with him and wrestling her into the snow。
Serena squealed in protest as she wriggled free； making an impromptu snow angel。 Clumps of snow clung to her long eyelashes。
For a second； Nate was transported back to their sophomore year； to an afternoon when they’d been goofing off in the piles of snow in his courtyard。 It was the first time he’d seen Serena not as plain old Serena； his best friend since kindergarten； but as a beautiful girl。 A girl he loved。
He hastily stood up； brushing the wet snow off the back of his khakis。
“Here；” he offered； holding his hand out to help Serena up。
“Thanks。” Serena got to her feet； still holding Nate’s hand。 She held his gaze。 The air felt thick and the world around them seemed muted。
“Nate； can you help me？” Jenny called from the bottom of the hill。 They both looked up to where she was sitting on top of a toboggan； her cheeks rosy from the cold。
“Sure；” Nate said； reluctantly turning away from Serena。
“Watch out； he’s brutal！” Serena called after them； trying not to feel disappointed。 When Dan had refused to e sledding； it was almost a relief。 Playing in the snow had always been something she and Nate shared。
Nate grabbed the sled and tossed it halfway up the hill。 He caught it and ran the last of the way； Jenny laughing and trudging behind。 They both climbed on and he wrapped his arms around her small frame。 “Let’s go！” he cried； pushing them toward the edge of the slope。
As they hurtled down the hill across the crisp fresh snow； Jenny felt the sting of the wind against her face。 This was nothing like traying at Waverly； where everyone used the dining hall trays to slide down the teeny…tiny hill behind Dumbarton； one of the girls’ dorms。 Toboggans were so much more authentic and quaint。 She felt like one of the sisters in Little Women。 They were always going sledding with their neighbor Laurie； who was too cute for his own good。
Sort of like a certain green…eyed Adonis we all know and love？
The sled coasted to a stop at the foot of the hill。 Jenny breathed out in wonderment。 Fat snowflakes circled furiously around them； and the majestic pine trees were coated in white。 She felt like she was trapped in a snow globe。
“Was that too fast for you？” Nate turned around； his brow furrowed in concern。 His arms were still circled tightly around her waist。 She shook her head。
She knew what she wanted to do when they got back to the house tonight。 She was a virgin； and had been waiting for the right person and the right time。 Waverly was such a small school and everyone knew everyone’s business。 Soon after she got there； she realized that when she did lose her virginity； she wanted it to be with someone special； someone she trusted。 Someone like Nate。
“Hey hornyheads！” Serena called cheerfully as she coasted down the hill by herself on a red toboggan。 Jenny broke away guiltily and waved。
“Want to race？” Nate called to Serena； a devilish gleam in his eye as he grabbed the toboggan rope and began pulling it back up the hill。
“I want to race；” Blair called from the other side of the hill； where she and Chuck were setting up their own sled。 She couldn’t believe little Jenny Humphrey was getting all cozy with Nate in front of everyone。 Who the fuck did she think she was？
“You want to steer； or should I？” Chuck asked； gesturing to the sled。
“I don’t care。” Blair plunked down on the toboggan。 She crossed her arms； then uncrossed them； remembering she wasn’t supposed to care about Nate anymore。 Chuck sat down behind her； stretching out his long legs and crossing them over hers。
“Actually； I’ve had enough。” Blair stood up abruptly。 “I’m wet and freezing and I’m going inside；” she huffed； stomping toward the garage。 What twenty…year…olds sledded for fun？ Serena’s lame boyfriend had the right idea to drink wine in the library instead of ing sledding。 Maybe she’d go join him。
Jealousy loves pany。
when the lights go out
Blair stormed into the sunken living room and flicked on the Tiffany lamp on the end table。 Nothing happened。 “Don’t tell me the fucking power is out。”
“Do you know where the fuse box is？” Chuck asked； ing up behind her。
“Hey。” Dan emerged from the library。 “Do you know where the fuse box is？” he asked。
Blair shook her head。 Why did boys care so much about fuse boxes？
“I’m going to bed；” she announced haughtily。
Dan nodded； squinting past Blair into the darkness。 He could hear Serena； Jenny； and Nate taking off their boots in the kitchen。 Dan suddenly felt guilty for abandoning them。 He and Vanessa had been texting for the past few hours； volleying remember…whens and would…you…rathers back and forth。 He hadn’t even noticed that the power had gone off until Blair stomped in。 It made him worried that there might have been other things he hadn’t noticed。
Like that his little sister’s all grown up？
“I think we should all go to bed；” Blair added； stamping out the memory of Nate’s hands around Jenny’s waist on the hill。 It was the last thing she wanted to think about right now。
Upstairs； Blair took a long hot shower by candlelight； trying to let the water wash away her nagging frustrations。 Nate had looked so happy tonight； so different from the tormented Nate of last winter。 When she closed her eyes she saw him laughing； tugging a toboggan up a hill。 She saw him lobbing snowballs at Serena。 Hugging Jenny。 She saw him smiling； his green eyes glittering。 She stepped out of the shower and toweled off； pulling on a Cosabella tank top and shorts set before heading into the bedroom。 Chuck was already asleep； his breathing deep and even。
She climbed into bed and lay next to Chuck； turning over so she was lying on her side。 She couldn’t get fortable。 Lying next to Chuck didn’t feel right。 Instead； she found herself thinking about a certain attic bedroom。
Maybe she and Nate needed to talk。 Or kiss。 One more time。 One last time。 Just to say goodbye； so she could get rid of all the confusing feelings swirling around her brain。 So that she could finally enter her grown…up life； without any worries about her past ing back to haunt her。 She swung her legs out of bed； grabbed a candle from the antique oak dresser； and headed for the door。
Next door； Serena lay awake in bed。 Dan was sleeping with his cell phone clutched to his chest like a tiny electronic life preserver。 She felt alone with her jumbled thoughts。
Being outside with Nate had been so fun； so natural。 She wasn’t playful when she was with Dan。 She always hesitated for a half second before she said anything； worried she’d disappoint him by not sounding smart。 She hated worrying。
She wondered what Nate was doing upstairs。 He’d seemed disappointed when Blair wanted to go inside； like he wished he could stay outside and play forever。 And that was what Serena loved most about him。
She swung her feet onto the cold floor。
There was no way in hell Jenny was even going to try to sleep。 The whole evening—playing in the snow as if she were a heroine in a nineteenth…century novel； ing back to a power outage； feeling Nate’s warm breath on her cold skin—had been so romantic。 And there was no reason the evening had to e to an end。 She pulled on a camisole and the leggings she’d worn on her RISD tour。 It wasn’t ideal； but there was no way she would go upstairs to lose her virginity in one of Blair’s discarded T…shirts。 The makeshift jammies would have to do。
Okay； Jenny wh