were chatting and clinking their silverware。 But suddenly； the noise was intolerable。 “I can’t do this；” she blurted； the words out before she could stop them。 She glanced up at Chuck。 His face was impossible to read。 “I can’t；” she said more firmly。 Her voice trembled； but she was more sure of herself than she’d been in a long time。
Chuck’s face fell。 “Do you mean the apartment？ You can redo it if you want…。”
Blair shook her head。 The apartment was beautiful。 But it wasn’t right。 For one； she’d never wanted to live in the Village。 Ever since she was little； whenever she’d imagined her life as an adult； she pictured an apartment off Fifth Avenue within walking distance of Barneys and the park。 But it wasn’t just location。 It was the fact that deep down； she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be in a relationship。 At least not right now。 Not with someone who was so ready to settle down。 Weren’t your twenties supposed to be wild and crazy and full of adventures？
Let’s hope so。
“Sorry。” Blair absentmindedly pulled the ugly red carnation out of its vase on the table and began ripping it apart。 The dark red petals fell to the oak table like little drops of blood。 “I’m just—I think I need a break；” she said just as a black…shirted waiter approached the table； order pad in hand。
“I’ll e back；” the waiter squeaked in a high falsetto； turning terrifiedly on his newly shined heel。
“I mean； the apartment is great； but what if I get into Harvard Law？ Then what？ What if I decide to take a year off before law school and live in Paris？” Blair said in a rush of words； surprising herself as she heard them。
“I understand；” Chuck said thickly。 His dark eyes clouded over and he glanced out the steamy restaurant window at the pedestrians passing； as if to pose himself。
Even though it was what she wanted to hear； tears sprang to her eyes。 Chuck knew that she liked dirty martinis with extra olive juice at the Campbell Apartment bar in Grand Central； surprised her with lilacs on the days she had exams； and had redecorated his apartment in her favorite colors。 Maybe they could be together at some point in the future。 But not right now。
“Thank you；” she whispered。 It was funny。 For once in her life； the movie in her mind wasn’t playing。 She had no idea what her next line was or how she should exit。 She had no idea if any man was waiting in the wings。
Blair scraped her chair back and stood up。 She didn’t want to make a scene； but she was worried if she didn’t stand up and get out； she never would。 The last thing she wanted was to find herself in ten years having the same conversation about Hamptons homes with Chuck。
She felt tears beginning to well in her eyes。 “’Bye；” she said finally； running out before the deluge。
notes from around the world
Serena sat on the center of her bed in her childhood bedroom； hugging her knees to her chest。 She hadn’t moved since ing home from her coffee date turned breakup with Dan。 It was too exhausting to figure out what to do with herself。 She wanted to cry； to release all the confused feelings inside her； but she couldn’t。
She glanced from the white molding on the ceiling to the framed Breakfast at Fred’s poster over her antique bureau to the tiny silver Tiffany box on her night table。 The box housed all her baby teeth。 In high school； Nate loved shaking them out onto her white eyelet pillowcase； counting the teeth； and marveling at how tiny they were。
Serena sighed。 Dan had noticed the tiny box； but only to note that it was pretty。 He’d never asked what was in it。 It was sort of like their relationship—on the surface it seemed perfect； but they were both too afraid to really look at what was inside。
In a way； their breakup had felt inevitable。 When she was at Yale and he was at Columbia； they’d make plans for the next weekend or next break； but they’d never talked about the future。 And Serena never really wanted to move to Iowa。 It was just that she had no idea what she wanted to do。
Her eyes fell on the travel scrapbook Fiona had given her； sitting on her bureau。 She crossed the room and picked it up； flopping back down on her bed。 A familiar hum began to course through her body。
Wanderlust？
Serena stared out the window。 A snow flurry had begun； swirling feathery white flakes down Fifth Avenue and onto the treeless expanse of park across from her bedroom。 It was such a wonderfully familiar old view； one that she’d cherish forever。 But she could leave and it would still be there when she got back。 Serena’s heart beat excitedly。 A small smile formed on her lips。 For the first time in a long time； she knew exactly what she wanted to do。
And who she wants to do it with？
miss independent
Jenny ran up the steps of Nate’s stately； ivy…covered town house on Monday night； ready for their date。 She and Elise had gone out the past few nights； following Tyler to all of his DJ gigs around the city。 It was just so much fun to dress up and be ushered into a whole other world where music ruled； to dance until 4 a。m。； to shake her long hair until it got sweaty and tangled。
In the past； Jenny had never been one for clubbing—she’d been too young when she was living in the city； Waverly was out in the middle of nowhere； and in Providence she and Nate were often in bed by ten o’clock。 It wasn’t like there was anything else to do。 Sure； she had acquaintances from her classes with whom she attended student art shows； and Nate had a few sailing buddies； but neither of them had any real friends。 Reconnecting with Elise had reminded Jenny how important it was to have people around you who could make you snort Diet Coke out your nose； who could spend hours debating whether or not a Proenza Schouler dress for Target looked like the real thing； who could physically restrain you from making out with a cute young DJ。
Wait； what？
Jenny pressed the doorbell with a pink…polished finger。 She shifted her weight from one Frye boot to the other； wondering if Nate would be able to sense that she’d almost kissed Tyler。 Who knows if it actually would have happened。 But last night while they were dancing； he just looked so cute； with his hair flopping over his hazel eyes； his T…shirt just tight enough to show off his toned arms； lip…synching the lyrics of the song that was playing because he was so into it。 Just as Jenny had leaned in； Elise had grabbed her by the crook of the arm and yanked her out of the club and into a cab。
Jenny had felt relieved； but ever since； she’d found it impossible to get Tyler out of her head。 What would’ve happened if they had kissed？ And if it was just an innocent lean…in； then why did she feel so guilty？
“e up！” Nate yelled into the inter； interrupting Jenny’s reverie。
Jenny climbed the winding staircase toward Nate’s top…floor bedroom。 The town house always seemed spookily quiet whenever she walked in。
“Hi。” Jenny pushed open the heavy oak door。
“Hey！” Nate said from his corner desk； not looking up from his Mac Air。 He wore a pair of red flannel Ralph Lauren boxers and no shirt。 Jenny paused at the doorway。 Of course she didn’t mind seeing his abs； which looked as taut and tan in December as they did in July； but he wasn’t exactly dressed for dinner。
“Are you going to get ready soon？” She tugged at the frayed hem on the cute flapper…style dress she’d bought senior year at What Goes Around es Around； the vintage store in Rhinecliff。
Nate shrugged。 “I thought we’d just stay here and order in；” he said easily。 One of the things he loved most about Jenny was how easy she was to be around。 Back when he’d dated Blair； he’d sometimes felt like a cruise ship director； always having to e up with an activity to entertain her。 But Jenny was fine lying around in bed and eating Chinese food。
How romantic。
“Oh；” Jenny said； disappointed。 She sat on his bed； crossing her tiny legs。 The clock on his nightstand read eight twenty…one。 Suddenly； the evening seemed to loom endlessly in front of them。 “Are you sure？” Jenny asked； already knowing the answer。 Of course Nate wanted to stay in。 Just like always。 But Jenny was itching to go out； to do something。
“Yeah。” Nate sat down next to her and slipped her coat off her shoulders。 His fingers brushed underneath the skinny strap of her dress。 “All I need is you。” He leaned over to kiss her。
Jenny pulled away。 She didn’t want to just eat takeout in bed； like they did every night in Providence。 She wanted romance and intrigue and maybe a little bit of drama。 She wanted to yell over music until her voice hurt。
“I think…” Jenny trailed off and looked down at her tiny hands。
“What’s wrong； Meow？” Nate asked； his hand at the midthigh hem of her dress。
“I don’t think this is working；” Jenny said； gaining her voice as she went。 This wasn’t just about Tyler—not really； anyway。 There was a huge world out there； and Jenny needed to do more than eat spareribs in bed。
“What？” Nate blinked。 Was Jenny dumping him？ “But I love you； Jen；” he said； fumbling for words。
“I’ll always love you；” Jenny said softly。 It was true。 He’d always be the boy of her dreams； her Upper East Side prince。 She leaned in to give him a final kiss。 His lips felt warm and dry； but almost too fortable。 And right now； she needed a challenge。
Jenny felt tears prick her eyes but brushed them away before Nate could see。 She pulled her coat around her small frame。
“’Bye；” she whispered before she ran down the stairs。 Once she got outside； she hailed a cab； her heart hammering in her chest。 She wasn’t sure what the future held； but she couldn’t wait to find out。
And we’re sure it will have an awesome sound track。
the final countdown…
From： cbass@oxford。edu
To： undisclosed recipients
Subject： NYE party
Tonight： Same time； same place； same libations； new year。 The soiree’s last…minute； but you can’t allow a tradition to die without giving it a proper send…off。 Bring friends； family； mistresses； strangers； and anyone you covet。 Hot tub will be running。
Who knows where we’ll be next year？ Let’s make this party count。
CB
back to the scene of the crime
“Are we really doing this？” Serena giggled tipsily as she clinked her highball glass against Blair’s martini。 They were sitting in the Tribeca Star Lounge； filling up on liquid courage before heading upstairs to the Bass suite。 Chuck had e…mailed Blair directly to say he hoped she’d e； and after reading his mass e…mail and remembering all the wild times they’d had at Chuck’s suite； she realized she wanted to。
“It’s tradition。” Blair took a long sip of her dirty martini and let the liquid swirl around in her mouth。 That was one nice thing about being single。 She could drink as many martinis as she wanted and not worry about kissing someone with olive breath。
Around them； the lounge was filling up。 Next to them sat a giggling group of shiny…haired girls wearing four…inch heels and glittery eye makeup。 They looked like they were in high school。 Blair gaped at them in amazement。 How had she and Serena ever been that young？
Well； according to their fake IDs； they’ve always been …twenty…two。
“Look； there’s Kati and Isabel！ Hey！” Serena called