you say？ Small？？ He gestured with his hands to indicate someone short。
Vanessa nodded； taking a sip of the dark beer。 ？You mean when she was a little girl？？ ？Yes！？
Piotr said with relief。 ？Little girl。 Anyway； she tell me how she and you？？he pointed at Vanessa
with his full glass？？make tea party with apple juice？？ She burst out laughing； trying not to spit a
mouthful of
Guinness all over the table。 That wasnot what she？d been expecting Piotr to say。 She remembered
how she and Ruby used to play dress…up in their mother？s closet for hours； putting together
outrageous ensembles of feathers； beads； and long； tie…dyed hippie dresses before sitting down at
the kitchen table to drink Red Cheek apple juice from their mother？s special china cups。 They？d
sit there for hours； talking in fake British accents and giggling as they said things like ？Pass the
bloody crumpets！？ and ？Hand me me bloomin？ bloomers！？ even though that one didn？t even
make sense。
？So； I look all day；？ Piotr continued； refilling his and Vanessa？s now…empty glasses； ？for antique
tea set for her； and I finally find one this afternoon。？ He looked up worriedly； his forehead a mass
of wrinkles。 ？You think she will like？？ Vanessa looked at the concern in Piotr？s blue eyes； the love
that was so obviously there for her sister； and something inside her melted。 He obviously loved
Ruby？only a guy in love would run around New York all day to find a freaking tea set。
？Yes。？ Vanessa nodded； raising her camera to her face and pointing it toward the stage to check
the exposure； but mostly to hide the fact that she was touched。 ？I think she will likevery much。？
Seeing Piotr so obviously in love made Vanessa feel kind of 。 。 。 romantic。 She closed her eyes for
a moment and pictured Dan at home； sprawled out on the lumpy brown leather sofa； writing
poetry in his beat…up notebook。 She knew he？d been having a hard time with the poem for Ruby
and Piotr？s wedding； and the idea of him trying so hard to find the right words for her sister
warmed her chest。
You sure that isn？t the booze？
Maybe when she got home later they could really talk。 She？d tried to be supportive of Dan when
he？d e out； but seeing how unfortable he was at his surprise party； she still had her
doubts 。 。 。 not to mention her hopes about his supposed gayness。 Maybe she？d be able to tell him
how she felt 。 。 。 and try to help him figure out what he was really feeling。
Yes； and just exactly how would she do this？Naked？ Vanessa smiled as SugarDaddy took the
stage in a clamor of guitars。 Ruby wore her signature purple leather pants； her black； chin…length
hair sticking out in every direction； like she？d blow…dried it upside down？or electrocuted herself
with her blow…dryer。 She spotted Vanessa and Piotr sitting together and waved。 Then she stuck her
tongue out between her pinky and pointer fingers。 ？What？s happening； fuckers！？？ she yelled into
the microphone； and the crowd cheered； wildly。
Vanessa smiled。 Everything was going to be okay。 Her sister was still her sister； her
brother…in…law…to…be was weird and European but also sort of sweet； and she？d talk to Dan tonight。
He？d tell her he was just confused； that he wasn？t gay； and that he？d been in love with her all
along。 And maybe someday； years from now； he？d be the one givingher an antique tea set。
She pointed her camera up at Ruby？s smiling face as she leaned into the microphone and began
to howl。
？You stole mysoooooooul ； you fucking ass…hole！？ Oh； how romantic。
Air Mail … Par Avion … August 17
obr denDan！
I？ve been waiting to write； because I didn？t want to ruin the surprise； but Mom must have gotten
there by now and I couldn？t wait any longer。 I hope you don？t mind that I told her about your
recent gaylicious discovery。 It was just so nice to get to know her again this summer？did you
know that she and Dad met at a Russian bathhouse in Moscow！？？and I thought maybe she should
know about you too。 。 。 。
Anyway； Prague is amazing。 Staying solo at Mom？s flat （how very European of me； right？） is
super…fun but a little lonely。 I？ll be back soon to pack for Waverly （yay！）； but until then；Na
shledanou！ （That？s ？goodbye。？）
I miss you guys and I miss New York。 Have a cupcake from our favorite place on Amsterdam for
me。 Make it a pink one！
Love；
Jenny
this would be really funny if it wasn？t happening to someone we know and love
Dan lay on the bed in Vanessa？s room； his notebook open across his lap。 The empty white page
was practically blinding him。 It was the same story every night？he would sit there staring at a
blank page for hours； trying to write a poem about love for Ruby？s wedding； until； pletely
dejected； he？d finally just pass out。 He started to scribble。
Love。 Above。 Shove。
I love to shove you from above？
Kiss。 Bliss。 Piss。
Crap。 This wasn？t working。 Every time he tried to write； visions of himself as a kid； dressing up
in totally gay outfits； sprang into his head。 What could he possibly know about love when the only
time he？d ever been in love was with Vanessa； who apparently didn？t qualify； since she wasn？t
even the right gender？ He looked over at the clock。 One a。m。 It had been a long day of shelving
dusty books at the Strand and trying to hide from Greg。 Luckily； their shifts only overlapped for an
hour； so Dan had managed to pletely avoid crossing paths。 He dreaded the ？special talk？ Greg
said he wanted to have； though he wasn？t sure how long he could put it off。
He sat up and a flash of gold text caught his eye。 The anthology his mom had given him three
nights ago was perched on top of the dresser。 With its black cover； the book was almost
camouflaged by the monochromatic； gray space？Vanessa had gotten permission from Jenny to
redecorate； which for Vanessa meant making everything as dark as possible？but the gold title
twinkled at him from afar； taunting him。
Oh； e now； you know you？re curious。
He reached over and grabbed the large volume； plopping back down on the bed with it。 Maybe
reading some gay love poems would help inspire him to write a straight one？ He cracked open its
stiff binding。 The first page was the introduction。
Homosexual love has been a part of every society throughout the history of mankind； from the
Ancient Greeks to modern day。
What was this； a history lesson？ Already bored； Dan scanned down toward the end。
Read the poems aloud to your lover； as the spoken word is even more powerful than those
printed on the page。You will feel yourself transported by the undercurrent of beautiful； corporeal；
HomoSensual love。
Huh。 That was interesting。 He？d always found it helpful to read his own poems aloud to get a
sense of the rhythm； but he？d never tried doing it with other people？s work。 Maybe reading aloud
would get the creative juices flowing； get him feeling the rhythm？ Besides； hedid have a great
reading voice； as Greg had once pointed out。
He flipped the book open to a random place and chuckled when he realized he？d landed on page
69。 No matter。 He cleared his throat and began to read Shakespeare？s Sonnet 18：？Shall I pare
thee to a summer？s day？ Thou art more lovely and more temperate： Rough winds do shake the
darling buds of May。 。 。 。 ？ Dan paused to read silently to himself for a few lines； and then again
read aloud。？So long as men can breathe or eyes can see； So long lives this and this gives life to
thee。？
As he uttered the last lines of his poem； the door swung open and Vanessa burst into the room；
her camera bag slung over her shoulder。
Whoopsie。
Her eyes widened with surprise。 Clearly she？d heard everything？or at least； enough。 Dan could
only imagine what it looked like。 He was in bed all alone； reciting one of Shakespeare？s most
romantic？and unquestionably gay？sonnets to himself。
Hello； awkward？
？Uh； sorry。？ Vanessa quickly turned around and stared at the floor as Dan frantically grabbed for
the book and closed it with a loud smack。 He stood and attempted to put it on the cluttered desk。
？It？s not what it looks？ow！？ The book fell off the side of the desk； all ten pounds of it landing
directly on his little toe。
？No； no。 I should have knocked。？ Vanessa？s head was entirely red as she bent over her bag； not
looking at him。
？So。？ Dan examined his cuticles as she continued to put away her camera equipment。 ？Where
were you； anyway？？ He tried to project an aura of calmness； grabbing a copy of
Dostoyevsky？sCrime and Punishment from the nightstand and flipping aimlessly through its
thick pages。
Like that？s the only thing he？s been reading。
Vanessa finally turned to face him。 ？I was filming Ruby？s last gig as a single woman；？ she
explained； stripping off a pair of expensive…looking wide…legged black sailor pants？likely
something Blair had left behind during her brief tenure as Vanessa？s roommate。 She was wearing
an old pair of Dan？s green…and…white…striped boxers underneath。 Then she pulled off her plain
black T…shirt so that she was clad in only the boxers and a white Hanes tank top。 Dan had always
loved Vanessa？s fashion sense？or lack of it？and he couldn？t help noticing how sexy she looked。 It
was nice to see her wearing something of his。 ？Everyone was wasted。 At the end of the set；
Ruby？s drummer puked onstage。？ ？Gross。？ Dan pulled off his army green Kafka T…shirt and
scooted under the covers。
？Totally；？ she agreed； climbing under the sheets beside him and switching off the bedside light。
Hopefully the darkness would hide her embarrassment and confusion。 They lay in unfortable
silence； and Vanessa couldn？t help but give in to her feeling of total dejection。 After her
conversation with Piotr； she？d felt so 。 。 。 hopeful。 She？d thought she might be able to work things
out with Dan； but if he was spending his free time home alone reciting romantic gay poetry to
himself； there really wasn？t any question about his sexual status now。 She sighed heavily； looking
up at the dark ceiling。
Dan tried hard to think of something to say。 He？d never had trouble talking to Vanessa
before？she was his best friend。 In fact； she was one of the only people he reallycould talk to。 In
less than a week he？d be driving out to Evergreen College in Washington State to start a new
life？in a 1977 Buick Skylark； no less？and he had to figure all this out before he got into that car
and drove away。 Why couldn？t he talk to her now； when he needed her the most？
Maybe because she just walked in on him reading in iambic pen…maneater。
？So 。 。 。？ he whispered into the dark。 ？Are you doing okay？ I mean； with Ruby？s wedding and
everything？？ Vanessa snorted。 Dan could picture the face she was almost certainly making？her
eyes rolled to the ceiling； a wry twist turning up the corners of her lips。
？Yeah；？ she breathed。 ？I just have to film the clusterfuck。？ He heard her exhale heavily into the
warm； humid air before she spoke again。 ？You？rethe one I feel sorry for？I mean； you have to e
up with some meaningful； epic fuckinglove poem about those two morons。？ ？Thanks；？ Dan
mumbled sarcastically。 ？You？ve filled me with confide