On the first Saturday in their new home； Hank took his new red car out of garage and was washing it when a neighbor came by。 When he saw Hank’s new car； the neighbor stopped and looked at it for a minute。 Then Hank turned and saw him。
The neighbor said；“That’s a nice car。 Is it yours？”
“Sometimes。” Hank answered。
The neighbor was surprised。 “Sometimes？” he said；“What do you mean？”
“Well；” answered Hank slowly； “when there’s a party in town； it belongs to my daughter； Jane。 When there’s a football game somewhere； it belongs to my son； Joe。 When I’ve washed it； and it looks really nice and clean； it belongs to my wife。 And when it needs gas； It’s mine。。 最好的txt下载网
聪明人生 第五章（5）
给我一个不同的理由
一位军官发现没有一个士兵在驻守营地。这时终于有一个人跑过去，一路上气喘吁吁。
“对不起，长官！我可以解释，你知道的，我去赴了一个约会，就晚了一点。我跑到车站，可是没赶上公车。我叫了一辆出租车，可是半路上坏了，我又看到了一个农场，买了一匹马，可是马在半路猝死了。我就跑了10英里，现在才回来。”
军官有些半信半疑，可是至少他回来了，就让他走了。过了一会儿，有8个士兵跑了回来，军官问他们为什么迟到。
“对不起，长官！我可以解释，你知道的，我去赴了一个约会，就晚了一点。我跑到车站，可是没赶上公车。我叫了一辆出租车，可是半路上坏了，我又看到了一个农场，买了一匹马，可是半路猝死了。我就跑了10英里，现在才回来。”
军官看着他们，根本不相信，但是他已经让第一个士兵走了，所以他不得不放走他们。就在这时，又有一个士兵气喘吁吁地跑了回来。
“对不起，长官！我可以解释，你知道的，我去赴一个约会，就晚了一点。我跑到车站，可是没赶上公车。我叫了一辆出租车，可是……”
“让我猜猜看，”军官打断了他，“出租车在半路坏了。”
“不是啊，”士兵说，“路上有好多死马，我用了好长时间才绕过它们。”
Give Me a Different Reason
The Officer found that none of his soldiers were there。 One finally ran up； panting heavily。
“Sorry； sir！ I can explain； you see I had a date and it ran a little late。 I ran to the bus but missed it。 I hailed a cab but it broke down； found a farm； bought a horse but it dropped dead； ran 10 miles； and now I’m here。 ”
The Officer was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the soldier go。 Moments later； eight more soldiers came up to the officer panting； he asked them why they were late。
“Sorry； sir！ I had a date and it ran a little late； I ran to the bus but missed it； I hailed a cab but it broke down； found a farm； bought a horse but it dropped dead； ran 10 miles； and now I’m here。”
The Officer eyed them； feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go； he let them go； too。 A ninth soldier； jogged up to the officer； panting heavily。
“Sorry； sir！ I had a date and it ran a little late。 I ran to the bus but missed it。 I hailed a cab but。。。”
“Let me guess；” the officer interrupted。 “it broke down。”
“No。” said the soldier； “there were so many dead horses on the road； it took forever to get around them。”
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聪明人生 第六章（1）
与上帝为伍
一个农民买了一块破旧、荒废的农场，他计划着把农场改造成一座欣欣向荣的园林。农场目前的状况是杂草遍布，房屋破旧不堪，四周的篱笆也东倒西歪。
在他着手改造的第一天，一个城里的传教士停下来祝福他：“愿上帝与你一起实现你的梦想！”
过了几个月，那个传教士又一次来拜访农民。驻足观看，这里发生了天翻地覆的变化：房屋重新被整修过，条件也优于从前，成群的牛羊正在欢快地吃着青草，地里的庄稼也成排地生长着。“太不可思议了，”传教士惊呼道，“看啊，上帝和你一起实现了你的梦想！”
“是的，教士，”那个农民说道：“可你别忘了，当初这个农场只由上帝一人管理时是个什么样子！”
Partners with God
A farmer purchases an old； run…down； abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise。 The fields are grown over with weeds； the farmhouse is falling apart； and the fences are collapsing all around。
During his first day of work； the town preacher stops by to bless the man’s work； saying； “May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams！”
A few months later； the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer。 Look and behold。 it’s like a pletely different place—the farmhouse is pletely rebuilt and in excellent condition； there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well…fenced pens； and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows。 “Amazing！” the preacher says。 “Look what God and you have acplished together！”
“Yes； reverend；” says the farmer； “but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone！”
聪明的学生参加期末考试
一位有机生物学教授站在20名高年级的学生面前，正准备发期末考试的试卷。
“我要说的是，这个学期能够教你们我感到非常荣幸。我明白你们都很努力，你们中的许多人在暑假之后就要去医学院深造了。为了避免同学们因为参与本周末过多的庆祝活动而影响了学习成绩，所以有谁愿意放弃这次考试，就可以得‘B’。”
许多学生异常惊喜，一个接一个地站了起来，从教授身边走过，对他表示感谢，并在纸上签了名。等到最后一个选择放弃的学生走出教室后，教授看着剩下的同学问：“还有吗？这是你们的最后机会了。”终于，还是有一名同学站了起来，接受了建议。
教授关上门，清点了一下剩余的同学，说道：“我非常高兴看到你们能够相信自己，你们都得‘A’。”
Smart Students Taking a Final Exam
A professor stood before his class of 20 senior organic biology students； about to hand out the final exam。
“I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester。 I know you’ve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer。 So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week； anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a ‘B’ for the course。”
There was much rejoicing amongst the class as students got up； passed by the professor to thank him and sign out on his offer。 As the last taker left the room； the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked； “Any one else？ This is your last chance。” One final student rose up and took the offer。
聪明人生 第六章（2）
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining。 “I’m glad to see you believe in yourself。” he said。 “You all have ‘A’ s。”
画家与农民
画家选择了一个风景优美的地方去度假，而且还住在了一位农民家里。画家每天都带着颜料和画笔出去作画，直到天黑才回到农场，吃完一顿丰盛的晚餐后就蒙头大睡。
假期快结束的时候，画家要付钱给农民，可是农民却说：
“不，我不要钱。但是，能不能送我一张您的画？钱有什么用？ 一星期后就花没了，可是这张画却还能保留。”
听了这些话，画家感到非常高兴，感谢农民对他作品的赞扬。
农民笑着回答说：
“不是这个意思，我的儿子在伦敦，他想当一名画家。等他下个月回来时，我要把您的这幅画拿给他看。我想他看过之后，大概再也不想当画家了。”
The Artist and the Farmer
An artist went to a beautiful part of the country for a holiday and stayed with a farmer。 Every day he went out with his paints and his brushes and painted till evening； and then when it got dark he went back to the farm and had a good dinner before he went to bed。
At the end of his holiday he wanted to pay the farmer； but the farmer said：
“No； I don’t want money。 But give me one of your pictures。 What’s money？ In a week it will all be finished； but your picture will still be here。”
The painter was very pleased and thanked the farmer for saying such kind things about his paintings。
The farmer smiled and answered：
“It’s not that。 I have a son in London。 He wants to bee an artist。 When he es here next month； I’ll show him your picture； and then he will not want to be an artist any more； I think。”
出人意料的答案
上个星期，一位数学老师有整整一周的时间讲的全是有关分数的问题。现在，他想知道学生掌握的情况怎样。于是他问班上的一个男生：“假如我把一块肉切成两半，我会得到什么？”
学生立刻回答：“两个二分之一片。”
老师说：“非常好，假如我把每一片再切成两片呢？”
下一个学生说：“四个四分之一片。”
老师往下问：“罗伯特，假如我再切一次呢？”
罗伯特回答：“八个八分之一片。”
老师一面说：“正确！”一面向另外一名同学点头，问道：“再切一次呢？”
回答是：“老师，十六个十六分之一片。”
老师说：“很好，再切一次呢，莉萨？”
莉萨想了一会儿说：“三十二个三十二分之一片。”
老师又继续说：“对了，再切一次呢？”
最后一个同学回答道：“那就变成肉馅了！”
An Unexpected Answer
A math teacher had been teaching his class all about fractions for the past week； and now he wanted to find out how much they had been able to remember； so he asked one of the boys in the class；“if I cut a piece of meat into two pieces； what would I get？”
“Halves。” answered the student at once。
“Good；” said the teacher； “Robert； if I cut each piece in half again？”
“Fourths。” answered Robert。
“Yes；”said the teacher； nodding to the next boy。“And again？”
“Eighths。”
“Yes；” said the teacher； nodding to the next boy。“And again？”
“Sixteenths； sir； was the answer。”。 最好的txt下载网
聪明人生 第六章（3）
“Good；” said the teacher。 “And once more； Lisa？”
“Thirty…seconds；” answered Lisa after thinking for a few seconds。
“Yes； that’s right。 And again？” the teacher continued。
“Hamburger meat；” answered the last student。
上 钩
午饭前，乔刚打算去他经常光顾的酒吧坐坐。他看见在酒吧外5厘米深的雨水坑边，一个衣衫褴褛的人正在垂钓。乔停了下来，盯着那个人看了几分钟。他看到大多数路人都认为那个人精神不正常。
乔觉得那个人很可怜，于是又过了几分钟后，他走上前去，友好地对那个人说：“你好，你是否愿意跟我一块到酒吧喝杯酒呢？”
那个垂钓者欣然接受了邀请，于是两个人一同走进了酒吧。乔为那个人要了几杯酒，最后对他说：“你一直在外面钓鱼，是不是？ 假如你不介意的话，我想问一下今天早上你钓上了几条？”
“你是第8条。”那个垂钓者高兴地回答。
A Good Catch
Joe was going into his usual bar before lunch when he saw a poody dressed man fishing in a small pool of rain…water about five centimeters deep outside it。 Joe stopped and watched the man for a few minutes。 He saw that most of the people who passed by him believed he must be rather mad。
Joe pitied the man； so after a few rainutes he went up to him and said kindly；“Hello。 would you like to e into the bar and have a drink with me？”
The fisherman was delighted to accept his offer； and the two men went into the bar together。 Joe bought the fisherman a few drinks； and finally said to him。 “You’ve been fishing outside here； haven’t you？ How many did you manage to catch this morning； if I may ask？”
“You’ve been the eighth。” the fisher…man answered merrily。
两个男孩
一对夫妇有两个儿子，一个8岁，一个10岁。他们都很淘气，总是惹麻烦。他们的父母知道，只要镇上发生了恶作剧，他们的儿子就很可能也参与了。
男孩的母亲听说镇上有一位牧师， 在教育孩子方面很在行，于是便问他是否可以跟他的儿子们谈一谈。牧师同意了，但是两个孩子要分开问。因此母亲早上先把8岁的孩子送了过去，大一点的孩子下午再过去。
牧师身材高大，声音洪亮。他让小孩子坐下来，严厉地问道：“上帝在哪里？”
男孩张大了嘴，可是没有作声，他目瞪口呆地坐在那里。于是牧师又严厉地问道：“上帝在哪里？”男孩再一次沉默。于是牧师又提高了嗓门，在男孩的面前摇着手指，怒吼道：“上帝在哪里？”
男孩尖叫着从屋里冲了出来，直接往家跑去，钻进了衣柜，并把门关上了。当他的哥哥在衣柜�