“是一个由4个字母组成的单词促使我为你买下了这件礼物。”他温柔地说。
“哦，太浪漫了，”我轻声说道，“是Love（爱）？”
“不是的，”他答道，“是Sale（甩卖）。”
The Thrill Is Gone
About two weeks before our fifth anniversary； my husband asked me what I would likefor a gift。 I told him I wanted something impractical and romantic。
On our anniversary night； he presented me with a lovely gold bracelet。
“A little four…letter word made me get this for you；” he said softly。
“Oh； how sweet；” I whispered。“L…O…V…E？”
“No。” he replied。 “S…A…L…E。”
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花样年华 第二章（1）
靶 子
我的厨艺一直以来都是全家人取笑的对象。一天晚上，由于晚餐准备得太快，弄得厨房里全是烟雾，连烟雾探查器也响了起来。虽然我的两个孩子在学校里都接受过防火安全训练，然而他们对警报却毫无反应。我很生气，怒气冲冲地在房间里到处找他们。
我在浴室里找到了正在洗手的他们。我的声音大过了警报声，要求他们辨别那种声音。
“是烟雾探查器。”他们不约而同地回答。
“你们知道那种声音代表什么吗？”我问道。
“当然，”大一点的孩子回答，“晚饭已经好了。”
Target
My cooking has always been the target of family jokes。 One evening； as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly； the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off。 Although both of my children had received fire…safety training at school； they did not respond to the alarm。 Annoyed； I stormed through the house in search of them。
I found them in the bathroom； washing their hands。 Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm； I asked them to identify the sound。
“It’s the smoke detector；” they replied in unison。
“Do you know what that sound means？” I demanded。
“Sure；” my oldest replied。 “Dinner’s ready。”
狗的坏习惯
作为一名专业的驯兽师，我对自己的狗养成的一个坏习惯感到很苦恼。每当我把洗好的衣服搭在晾衣绳上时，它总会猛地把衣物全扯下来。对此，我必须要采取严厉的措施。
我在绳上搭了一条白色的厨房毛巾，每当它把毛巾扯下来时，我就会训斥它一顿。两个星期后，它再也不碰毛巾了。于是，我把许多洗干净的衣服搭在晾衣绳上后，就出去办事了。等我回到家时，洗好的衣服分散在院子的各个角落，只有那条白毛巾依然搭在绳子上。
A Dog’s Bad Habit
As a professional animal trainer； I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit。 Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline； she would yank it down。 Drastic action was called for。
I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited。 Each time she pulled it off； I scolded her。 After two weeks the towel was untouched。 Then I hung out a large wash and left to do some errands。 When I came home； my clean clothes were scattered all over the yard。 On the line was the white kitchen towel。
谁最臭
—个零售商、—个银行家和一位政客在森林里迷了路。最终，他们来到一家农舍前，并询问主人能否在他家借宿一晚。
“当然可以。”农户说，“不过，我的房间里只能容纳你们中的两个。另外一个人要和牲口们睡在牲口棚里了，那里的气味实在糟糕。”
“我去牲口棚睡吧。”银行家自告奋勇道。
半个小时后，农夫的房门便被敲响了。银行家喘着粗气站在那里，说道：“我实在忍受不了那里的气味。”
“好吧，”零售商说：“我去牲口棚睡吧。”说完，转身便去了。
没过多久，又有敲门的声音，零售商抱怨道：“我曾经可以忍受食物腐烂的气味， 可是牲口棚的气味我实在是忍受不了。”
“两个没用的家伙。”政客说，“我去吧。”
半个小时后，又传来一阵敲门声。他们打开房门，发现站在门口的居然是牲口棚里的所有牲口。
Who Tops Them All
A grocer； a banker and a politician got lost in the forest。 Eventually they came to a farmer’s house and asked if he could put them up overnight。
花样年华 第二章（2）
“Sure；” the farmer said； “but I’ve got room for only two of you in the house。 The other will have to sleep in the barn with the animals； and the smell is very bad out there。 ”
“I’ll sleep in the barn。” the banker volunteered。
Half an hour later a knock was heard on the farmer’s houses door； and there stood the banker； gasping； “I can’t take the smell。”
“All right。” said the grocer。 “I’ll sleep in the barn。” And off he went。
In a while there was another knock on the door。 “I’ve put up with some rank odors from spoiled food；” the grocer plained； “but that barn tops them all。”
“You two sissies。”said the politician “I’ll sleep in the barn。”
Thirty minutes later came another knock。 When they opened the door； there stood all the animals from the barn。
幸运的顾客
最近有家新开张的超市，所有前往光顾的主妇都怀揣着一个美好的愿望——幸运地成为一个购物不用交钱的顾客。这是商店入口处的启事上所承诺的。启事上写着：“请记住，每个星期都有一位可以免费购物的顾客。也许，今天就是您的幸运日！” 几个星期以来，正如自己的许多朋友一样，爱德华太太一直盼望着自己会成为那位幸运的顾客。跟朋友们不同，她一直没有放弃这一期望。家里厨房的碗柜中都塞满了并不实用的东西。她的丈夫建议她不要乱买东西，然而收效甚微。她一直梦想着有一天超市的经理走到她的面前，对她说：“夫人，今天是您的幸运日，您篮子里的所有东西都是免费的。”
一个周五的早晨，她采购完并把东西放进车里后，才想起自己忘了买茶叶。她急匆匆地回到超市，取了茶叶后向收银处走去。正在此时，她看到商店的经理走了过来。“夫人，”他一边说着一边伸出手来，“我要恭喜您！您是我们的幸运顾客，您篮子里的所有东西都是免费的。”
A Lucky Customer
All the housewives who went to the new supermarket had one great ambition： to be the lucky customer who did not have to pay for her shopping。 For this was what the notice just inside the entrance promised。 It sai： “remember； once a week； one of our customers gets free goods。 This may be your lucky day！”
For several weeks Mrs。 Edwards hoped； like many of her friends； to be the lucky customer。 Unlike her friends； she never gave up hope。 The cupboards in her kitchen were full of things； which she did not need。 Her husband tried to advise her against buying things but failed。 She dreamed of the day when the manager of the supermarket would approach her and say； “Madam； this is your lucky day。 Everything in your basket is free。”
On Friday morning； after she had finished her shopping and taken it to her car； she found that she had forgotten to buy any tea。 She dashed back to the supermarket； got the tea and went towards the cash desk。 As she did so； she saw the manager of the supermarket approach her。 “Madam；” he said； holding out his hand；“I want to congratulate you！ You are our lucky customer and everything you have in your basket is free！”
花样年华 第二章（3）
得不到回报的祈祷
在我们修道院附近的超市，我急急忙忙地装了满满一推车的东西。突然之间，我有了一种不安的感觉：我带的钱可能不足以支付所有的商品。绝望之下，我把所有的东西都摆在地板上，跪下来开始把所有东西的价格加在一起。
正在此时，一个年轻的超市管理员走了过来。他弯下腰，对我耳语道：“修女，无论你怎么费劲祈祷，我们现在都不会降价。”
Unanswered Prayers
At the supermarket near our convent I had filled my cart in a hurry and suddenly had an uneasy feeling that I didn’t have enough money to pay for all the goods。 In desperation I emptied all the items onto the floor and kneeing down； began to add up the prices。
Just then a young supervisor strolled over； bent down and whispered confidentially； “It doesn’t matter how hard you pray； sister。 We’re not reducing the prices。”
十二张卡片
我十多岁的女儿在她的祖父母家度过了几周的暑假生活。临回家时，祖父给了她12张卡片。
“记得每个月都给我们写封信。”他说。
几个月过去了，卡片一直原封未动——直到有一天，女儿收到这样一封信：
“亲爱的詹妮芙：
生活是由不同的阶段组成的。
还是个孩子的时候，我希望成为一个青少年——我如愿以偿了。
还是个年轻人时，我希望遇到一个年轻的女子，恋爱、结婚——我如愿以偿了。
结婚后，我希望成为一位父亲——我如愿以偿了。
作为父亲，我希望成为一位祖父，有漂亮、聪明的孙子孙女——我如愿以偿了。
接着，我希望有一天他们能给我写信——我却还没有如愿以偿。
爱你的祖父”
12 Post Cards
My teen…age daughter was preparing to return home after having visited her grandparents for a few weeks one summer。 Her grandfather gave her 12 post cards。
“Here； write us a few lines every month；” he said。
Months passed and the cards remained unused—that is until the day this letter arrived：
“Dear Jennifer；
Life is a series of stages。
As a child； I looked forward to being a teenager—that happened。
As a teenager； I looked forward to being a young man—that happened。
As a young man； I looked forward to meeting a young woman； falling in love and being a married man—that happened。
As a married man； I looked forward to being a father—that happened。
As a father； I looked forward to being a grandfather to beautiful； intelligent grandchildren—that happened。
Then I looked forward to the day they would learn to write—that hasn’t happened yet。
Yours Sincenely”
她是我的妻子
一位客人转向他旁边的男士，想评论一下一位女士的歌喉，这位女士正在试图取悦客人们。
“多么糟糕的嗓音啊！你知不知道这位女士是谁？”
“知道。”他答道，“她是我的妻子。”
“哦，非常抱歉。当然，事实上我指的并非是她的嗓音，而是她所唱的内容。我想弄明白如此糟糕的歌词是谁写的？”
“我写的。”他回答说。
She’s My Wife
One of the guests turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of the woman who was trying to entertain them。
“What a terrible voice！ Do you know who she is？”
“Yes；” was the answer。 “She’s my wife。”书 包 网 txt小说上传分享
花样年华 第二章（4）
“Oh； I beg your pardon。 Of course； it isn’t her voice； really。 It’s the stuff she has to sing。 I wonder who wrote that awful song。”
“I did；” was the answer。
柯南·道尔与女士
一次，一位女士写了一部长篇小说寄给了著名的编辑柯南·道尔。几个星期之后，小说被退了回来。女士很生气，给柯南·道尔写了一封信：
“亲爱的先生：
昨天，你把我的小说退了回来。你怎么知道我的小说不够优秀？你根本就没有读。在寄给你之前，我将18、19、20页粘在了一起，是想检验你是不是真的读了，然而寄回来的稿子还是粘在一起。这就是你阅读所有寄给你的稿子的方式吗？”
柯南·道尔回信道：
“亲爱的夫人：
吃早饭的时候，我剥开一个鸡蛋，为了知道鸡蛋好坏与否，我不用把其他所有的鸡蛋都吃了吧！”
Conan Doyle and the Lady
A lady once wrote a long story and sent it to a famous editor Conan Doyle。 After a few weeks the story was returned to her。 The lady was angry。 She wrote to the editor。
“Dear sir；
“Yesterday you sent back a story of mine。 How do you know that the story is not good？ You did not read it。 Before I sent it to you； I pasted together page 18； 19； and 20。 This was a test to see whether you would really read the story。 When it came back yesterday； the pages were still pasted together。 Is this the way you read all the stories that are sent to you？”
Conan Doyle wrote back：
“Dear madam；
“At breakfast when I open an egg； I don’t have to eat all the eggs in order to see whether it is bad or not。”
心不在焉的教授
三个教授在站台上等火车。他们正在全神贯注地谈话。火车进站了，可是他们都没有注意到。这个时候，列车员喊道：“请上车了！”
教授们听到后飞快地向火车跑去。其中的两个刚登上去，火车就开了。最后一个名叫埃哈德的教授没有赶上火车，看起来非常焦虑。
教授的一个学生也在车站等车，他尽力安慰着教授：“先生，这还不是很糟，你们中有两个人已经赶上了火车。要知道，这已经很好了。”“我明白，”教授说，“但是要赶火车的是我，他们只是来为我送行的。”