隽匀嘶卮穑骸芭叮揖醯帽热ツ昊乖读�100码呢。”
Two Hunters
Two hunters hire a small plane to take them to a remote area of Canada。 Upon dropping off the hunters； the pilot tells them；“Remember only one moose； because the plane wouldn’t be able to take off with more weight than that。” The hunters go off。
A week later when the plane returns to pick them up； the two hunters are standing by the lake with two moose。 The pilot fumes； “I told you guys only one moose。 and you’ll have to leave one because we won’t be able to take off with that much weight。”“Oh； e on；” beg the two hunters；“Last year the pilot let us take two moose on； you’re just a chicken。”
Not wanting to be accused of being a coward； the pilot allows the two to bring both moose on the craft。 The plane starts across the lake； straining to take off。 The pilot tries and tries to no avail and the plane crashes into the trees at the end of the lake。 A while later after ing to one of the hunters gets up and looks at all the scattered debris of the wreck and says；“Where are we？” To which the other hunter replies； “Oh； I’d say about a hundred yards farther than last year。”
邮政快递
我的丈夫希望获得一次面试的机会，便让我到邮局寄他的履历表。他提醒我要以最快的方式寄出去。
听到他的语气紧迫，我就抓起一把零钱，冲出了家门。到了邮局，我冲到拒台前，气喘吁吁地向职员说明我的信必须马上寄出。他随便称了一下信的重量，说要收10元零3分。我翻遍了所有口袋，连硬币都拿了出来。“可是我没有10元零3分，”我说。他又敲了几个键，然后说：“那好吧，7元4角，夫人。”
我又一次无奈地说：“对不起，我没有7元4角。”
“那么，”他叹了口气，“说说你到底有多少？”
我毕恭毕敬地回答道：“我一共有2元1角5分，先生。”
他听完，转过身去对同事喊道：“嗨，查理，把鸽子准备好。”
Post Haste
My husband asked me to go to the post office to mail his resume in anticipation of a job interview。 He instructed me to send it the fastest way possible。
Struck by the urgency in his voice； I grabbed a handful of change and dashed out the door。 Arriving at the post office； I rushed to the counter and breathlessly explained to the clerk that my envelope had to be delivered immediately。 He casually weighed the envelope and said it would cost “But I don’t have ；” I said。 He punched some more buttons and said。 “Okay； that will be 7。 40； madam。” txt小说上传分享
花样年华 第四章（2）
Once more I said in dismay； “Sorry； I don’t have ”
“Well；” he sighed； “exactly how much do you have？’’
I meekly answered；“I have exactly ； sir。”
With that； he yelled over his shoulder to a co…worker；“Hey； Charlie； get the pigeon ready。”
超前思维
一个老人和一个年轻人乘火车旅行。年轻人问：“对不起，请问现在几点了？”老人没有说话。“对不起，现在几点了？”老人还是一言不发。“先生，我在问你现在几点了。你为什么不回答我？”老人这才开口说道：“孩子，下一站就是终点站了。我没见过你，所以我们是陌生人。假如我现在告诉你，或许我就要被迫邀请你去我家做客。你长得很英俊，刚好我有一个漂亮的女儿，那样你们会相爱并且结婚。你想想，你连手表都买不起，我为什么要选你当女婿呢？”
Think Ahead
An old man and a young man are traveling on the train。 The young man asks：“Excuse me； what time is it？” The old man does not answer。 “Excuse me； sir； what time is it？” The old man keeps silent。 “Sir； I’m asking you what time is it。 Why don’t you answer？！” The old man says：“Son； the next stop is the last on this route。 I don’t know you； so you must be a stranger。 If I answer you now； I’ll have to invite you to my home。 You’re handsome； and I have a beautiful daughter。 You will both fall in love and you will want to get married。 Tell me； why would I need a son…in…law who can’t even afford a watch？”
退 款
一对夫妇带着他们三个月大的儿子去看电影。引座员在门口说假如孩子哭闹的话，他们就得离开。
“不过，我们会把钱退还给你们的。”他补充道。
看了半个小时之后，丈夫转向妻子问：“喂，你感觉这部电影如何？”
“这是我所看过的最糟糕的一部。”妻子回答。
“我觉得也是，”他附和着，“把小汤姆摇醒。”
Money Refunded
A couple took their three…month…old son to the movies with them。 On the way； the usher said they’d have to leave if the baby cried。
“But we’ll refund you money。” he added。
After watching the movie for a half…hour； the husband turned to his wife。 “Well； what do you think？” he asked。
“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen！” the wife replied。
“Me； too。” he agreed。“ Shake little Tom。”
守财奴
曾经有一个身材高大而且肥胖的女人，她的丈夫却很瘦小、单薄。丈夫在一家大公司任职，每个周五的晚上领取工资。所以每周五他一回家，他的妻子就让他交出所有的钱，然后只给他每天吃午饭的钱。
有一天，这个小丈夫非常兴奋地回到家，急匆匆地进了客厅。他的妻子正嚼着巧克力听收音机。“亲爱的，你绝对猜不出我今天遇到了什么事。”他说。几秒钟之后他又说：“我中了一万英镑的彩票。”
“那太好了！”他的妻子兴奋地说。但是没过几秒钟，她又非常生气地问：“等等，你是用什么钱买的彩票？”
A Penny Pincher
There was once a large； fat woman who had a small； thin husband。 He had a job in a big pany and was given his weekly wages every Friday evening。 As soon as he got home on Fridays； his wife used to make him give her all his money； and then she used to give him back only enough to buy his lunch in the office every day。 电子书 分享网站
花样年华 第四章（3）
One day the small man came home very excited。 He hurried into the living…room。 His wife was listening to the radio and eating chocolates。 “You’ll never guess what happened to me today； dear；” he said。 He waited for a few seconds and then added： “I won ten thousand pounds on the lottery！”
“That’s wonderful！” said his wife delightedly。 But then she thought for a few seconds and added angrily； “But wait a moment。 How could you afford to buy the ticket？”
费迪南德先生的午餐
一天早晨，费迪南德太太对丈夫说：“罗杰，今天杨太太要在午餐的时候在家里举办一个聚会，我打算去参加，我给你准备了些食品当午餐，行吗？”她的丈夫回答说：“行啊，很好。那你准备了些什么？”
费迪南德太太说：“一罐鱼，还有一些冷冻的炸土豆和青豆。”
费迪南德先生说：“真是棒极了，我可以享用一顿美味的午餐了。”说完，费迪南德太太去出席聚会了。周围所有的太太也都参加了杨太太家的聚会。直到下午三点的时候，费迪南德太太才回到家。
“罗杰，鱼好吃吗？”她问丈夫。
丈夫回答：“好吃，可是我的脚却弄伤了。”
费迪南德太太问：“怎么弄伤的？”
“你看，罐头的说明书上写着：‘打开罐头，在烫水中站立5分钟’。”
Mr。 Ferdinand’s Lunch
One morning Mrs。 Ferdinand said to her husband：“Roger； there’s a meeting at Mrs。 Young’s house at lunch time today； and I want to go to it。 I’ll leave you some food for your lunch。 Is that all right？” “Oh； yes。” Her husband answered； “That’s quite all right。 What are you going to leave for my lunch？”
“This tin of fish；” Mrs。 Ferdinand said； “and there are some cold； boiled potatoes and some beans here； too。”
“That’s good。” Mr。 Ferdinand said。 “I’ ll have a good lunch。” So Mrs。 Ferdinand went to her meeting。 All the ladies lunched at Mrs。 Young’s house； and at three o’clock Mrs。 Ferdinand came home。
“Was your fish nice； Roger？” She asked。
“Yes； but my feet are hurting。” He answered。
“Why are they hurting？” Mrs。 Ferdinand asked。
“Well； the words on the tin are‘open tin and stand in hot water for five minutes！’”
第一次与最后一次
乔治今年35岁了，他买了一架小型飞机，开始学习驾驶。他很快就掌握了飞机的驾驶技巧，并可以做出各种各样的特技飞行。
乔治有位朋友叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克来乘坐他的飞机。马克心里琢磨：“我曾乘坐过好几次大客机，还从来没乘坐过小飞机，我应该去体验一下。”
飞机升空后半个小时左右，乔治在空中展示了各种各样的飞行特技。
最后，当他们再次安全地回到地面后，马克显得十分激动。他用颤抖的声音说道：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做的两次飞行。”
乔治听了，非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？”
“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。
My First and My Last
When George was thirty…five； he bought a small plane and learned to fly it。 He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks。
George had a friend。 His name was Mark。 One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane。 Mark thought； “I’ve traveled in a big plane several times； but I’ve never been in a small one； so I’ll go。” 。 想看书来
花样年华 第四章（4）
They went up； and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air。
When they came down again； Mark was very glad to be back safely； and he said to his friend in a shaking voice； “Well； George； thank you very much for those two trips in your plane。”
George was very surprised and said； “two trips？”
“Yes； my first and my last；” answered Mark。
完美的丈夫
在一家私人俱乐部的更衣室中，有几个刚刚锻炼完的男人。忽然，一张长椅上的手机响了。一个男人拿了起来，于是有了下面这段对话：
“喂？”“亲爱的，是我。你在俱乐部吗？”“是啊。”“好极了！我在离你两个街区远的商店里。我看上了一件非常漂亮的貂皮外套……绝对完美！！我可以买吗？”“多少钱？”“才1，500美圆。”“好的，可以，买吧，只要你喜欢……”
“对了，在梅塞德斯代理商那里，我还看到了几款2004年的车型。我看上了其中一款。我问那位销售人员，他给了我一个超低价……既然我们想要换掉去年的那辆宝马……”“他报价多少？”“才6万美圆……”
“好的，但是按照这个价格，我要所有的可选配件。”“太棒了！在挂电话之前，还有一件事……”“什么事？”“这看起来要一大笔钱，我正在算你的银行账目，还有……我在房产代理商那里待了一会儿，看见了我们去年看过的那座别墅。正在减价呢！！还记得吗？有游泳池、英式花园、大区域的停车场、海滨地产……”
“他们出价多少？”“才45万美圆……多便宜的价格啊，而且我看到我们的银行里还有可以支付的钱……”“好的，那就去把它买下来吧，但是只出价42万美圆，好吗？”“好的，亲爱的……谢谢你！一会儿见！！我爱你！！！”“再见……我也爱你……”
男人挂断电话，合上手机盖，举起握着手机的手，问在场的人：“哪位知道这部手机是谁的？”
The Perfect Husband
There age several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising。 Suddenly a call phone that was on one of the benches rings。 A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues：
“Hello？” “Honey； It’s me。 Are you at the club？” “Yes。” “Great！ I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you age。 I saw a beautiful mink coat。。。It is absolutely gorgeous！！ Can I buy it？” “What’s the price？” “Only 150；000。” “Well； OK； go ahead and get it； if you like it that much。。。”
“Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2004 models。 I saw one I really liked。 I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price。。。 and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year。。。” “What price did he quote you？” “Only 60； 000。。。”
“OK； but for that price I want it with all the options。”“Great！ Before we hang up； something else。。。”“What？” “It might look like a lot； but I was reconciling your bank account and。。。I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year。 It’s on sale！！ Remember？ The one with a pool； English Garden； acre of park area； beachfront property。。。”
“How much are they asking？” “Only 450；000。。。 a magnificent price； and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover。。。”“Well； then go ahead and buy it； but just bid 420； 000。 OK？”