走了一会儿，他又问：“我们刚才经过的建筑物叫什么名字？”
“先生，那是白金汉宫，是女王住的地方。”
“是吗？”得克萨斯人说，“你知道吗？在得克萨斯，像这样的宫殿只要一个星期就可以建成。”
几分钟后，他们又从威斯敏斯特大教堂经过。这位美国人又问：“嘿，司机，那边是什么楼？”
“先生，我也不知道，”司机说； “今天早晨还没有呢！”
It Wasn’t There This Morning
A boastful American from Texas was being shown the sights of London by a taxi…driver。
“What’s that building there？” asked the Taxan。
“That’s the Tower of London； sir；” replied the taxi…diver。
“Say； we can put up buildings like that in two weeks；” drawled the Texan。
A little while later he said； “And what’s that building we’re passing now？”
“That’s Buckingham Palace； sir； where the Queen lives。”
“Is that so？” said the Texan。 “Do you know back in Texas we could put up a palace like that in a week。”
A few minutes later they were passing Westminster Abbey。 The American again asked； “Hey； cabby； what’s that building over there？”
“I’m afraid I don’t know； sir；” replied the taxi…driver。 “It wasn’t there this morning！”
一只勇敢的猪
我小的时候生活在华盛顿。到了周末，爸爸常常带我们到南部的卡罗莱纳州去玩。正是在那里我们看到了什么是“真正的生活”。爸爸会沿路开一会儿车，然后把车停在路边，找农场里的人聊聊天。
正当爸爸和一个农妇聊天时，我发现了这只猪……
那只猪很漂亮，可只有三条腿，右后腿还是用木头做的！我对这点很好奇。于是就问那个农民：
“先生，为什么你的猪有一只木头腿啊？”
“是这样的，孩子。这是一只勇敢的猪。有天晚上，我和妻子正在房里睡觉时，这只猪跑进来叫醒了我们，我们才知道房子着火了。我们立刻跑了出去，才保住了性命。”
“这只猪的腿是在那场火灾中烧坏的吗？”
花样年华 第六章（5）
“不是的，它完好无损地跑了出去。实际上，它甚至还跑了回去，把我们的孩子也救了出来。”
“那为何这只猪会有一只木头腿呢？”
“我已经告诉你了，孩子。那是只勇敢的猪！一只英勇的猪！它救了我们全家人的性命！”
“是的，先生。可是为何它有只木头腿呢？”
“孩子，像这样的猪，我们是不舍得一次就把它吃光的！”
A Brave Pig
I lived in DC when I was young； and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina； so that we could see what “real life” was like。 He’d just drive along the road for a while； and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there。
Dad was chatting up a farmer’s wife once，when I discovered this pig。。。
It was a nice pig。 But it only had three legs。 The right back leg was wooden！ Well； I was as curious as could be； so I asked the farmer：
“Excuse me； sir。 Why does your pig have a wooden leg？”
“Well； boy。 That is a courageous pig。 The wife and me were asleep in the house one night； when that pig came running in and woke us up。 The whole place was ablaze。 We just got out alive。”
“And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire？”
“Nope。 Pig got out just fine。 Matter of fact； he even went back in and saved the kids。”
“Then why does the pig have a wooden leg？”
“I told you； boy。 That is a BRAVE pig！ A heroic pig！ That pig saved our lives！”
“Yes； sir。 But why does he have a wooden leg！”
“Boy； a pig like that； you don’t eat all in one sitting！”
花样年华 第七章
心理学
几位来自不同国家的商人正在一艘游览船上开会，这时船开始下沉。船长指挥他的助手说：“去告诉那些人穿上救生衣，往水里跳。”
几分钟后，助手回来报告：“这些人不肯往水里跳。”“交给我吧，”船长命令道，“看我是怎么做的。”
没过多久，船长回来说：“他们都跳下去了。”
“你是怎么做到的？”助手问。
“我运用了心理学。我告诉英国人这是体育锻练，他就跳了。我告诉法国人这是流行的事，我告诉德国人这是命令，我告诉意大利人这是被禁止的。”
“那你是怎样让美国人跳的？”
“很简单，”船长说，“我告诉他，他已经上了保险了。”
Psychology
Several international businessmen were on a conference cruise when the ship began to sink。 “Go and tell those fellows to put on life jackets and jump overboard；” the captain directed his first mate。
A few minutes later the first mate returned。 “Those guys won’t jump；”he reported。 “Take over；” the captain ordered， “and I’ll see what I can do。”
Returning moments later； he announced； “They’ve gone。”
“How’d you do it？” asked the first mate。
“I used psychology。 I told the Englishman it was the sporting thing to do； and he jumped。 I told the Frenchman it was chic； the German that it was a mand； the Italian that it was forbidden。”
“And how did you get the American to jump？”
“No problem；” said the captain。 “I told him he was insured！”
聪明的翻译
一个正在日本访问的著名作家应邀到一所大学为一大群学生作演讲。由于这些学生中的大部分人都不懂英语，无奈之下，作家请了一名翻译。
在演讲的过程中，他利用很长一段时间讲了一个有趣的故事。最后，他停了下来，让翻译将这个故事译成日语。令他惊讶的是，这个翻译只用了几秒钟的时间就翻译完了，在座的所有学生都大声笑起来。
演讲结束后，作家非常感谢这名翻译出色地完成了工作，作家对他说：“现在，请你告诉我，你是怎样把如此长的一个故事用日语翻译得那么短呢？”
“我根本就没有讲这个故事，”翻译笑着说，“我只是说，‘这个令人尊敬的演讲者刚才讲了一个非常有趣的故事，请大家笑一下’。”
A Clever Interpreter
A famous writer who was visiting Japan was invited to have a lecture at a university to a large group of students。 As most of them could not understand spoken English； he had to have an interpreter。
During his lecture he told an amusing story which went on for rather a long time。 At last he stopped to allow the interpreter to translate it into Japanese； and was very surprised when the man did this in a few seconds； after which all the students laughed loudly。
After the lecture； the writer thanked the interpreter for his good work and then said to him； “Now please tell me how you translated that long story of mine into such a short Japanese one。”
“I didn’t tell the story at all。” the interpreter answered with a smile“ I just said； ‘The honorable lecturer has just told a funny story。 You will all laugh； please。’”
三只狗
在一场狗秀的活动中，人们要选出一只世界上最聪明的狗。有三只狗进入了决赛，它们的主人分别是：医生、建筑师和律师。
最后的比赛是给每只狗一包骨头，看看它们能用这些骨头做些什么。医生说道：“听诊器，上！”这只狗搭了一个人体骨骼。
裁判们想立即给这只狗颁发奖品，但是他们还是决定给每只狗一次机会。
建筑师说道：“滑尺，上！”他的狗建造了一座悬桥。
裁判们左右为难，到底该选哪一只呢？
律师说道：“钻（法律）空子，上！”这只狗吃掉了骨头，对那座桥征收了百分之百的税，并向其他两只狗进行勒索。
The Three Dogs
There once was a dog show to determine the world’s smartest dog。 Three dogs were in the finals。 One dog belonged to a doctor。 One dog belonged to an engineer。 And； one dog belonged to a lawyer。
For the finals each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make。 The doctor said； “Stethoscope； go！” The dog built a human skeleton。
The judges were ready to award the trophy right then。 But； they decided to give the other dogs a try。
The ensineer said； “Slide…rule； go！” The dog built a suspension bridge。
The judges were beside themselves。 Which dog would they pick？
The lawyer said。“Loop…hole； go！” The dog ate the bones； got a percentage of all the tolls from the bridge and screwed the Fother two dogs。
聪明人生 第一章（1）
自己准备
在校园里广为流传着这样一个故事：有一次，一个学生给他的父母发了一封电报，上面写道：“妈妈，我的功课没有一门及格的，我已经被学校开除了，请爸爸做好准备。”
过了两天，这个学生收到回电：“爸爸已经准备好了，你自己也做好准备吧！”
Prepare Yourself
A story around campus has it that a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading：“Mom…flunked all courses。 Kicked out of school； Prepare Pop。”
Two days later he received a response： “Pop prepared。 Prepare yourself。”
教育阶段
一天，工程系的主任走进一间教室说：“早上好。”
全班同学异口同声地回答：“早上好。”
“你们是大一新生吧？”主任问道。
班级里一个胆子比较大的同学问主任是如何知道的。
“嗯，”主任说，“当我说‘早上好’的时候，假如是大一的新生，他们也一定会说‘早上好’的。假如他们是大二的学生，他们会轻轻地合上课本，然后集体看着我。大三的学生则会抱着书本，抬起头看我一眼，然后又继续读书。大四的学生则根本无视我的存在，一直看着书。至于研究生班的学生，我向他们‘问早上’好，他们就会把这句话写在笔记本上。”
Phases of Education
The dean of Engineering had once walked into a class； and said “Good Morning”。
The whole class chorused “Good Morning”。
“Hi； you are freshmen； aren’t you？” he asked。
One student bolder than the others asked him how he knew。
“Well；” he said。 “When I say ‘Good Morning’ to a class； if they are freshmen they say‘Good Morning’ too。 If they are sophomores； they quietly fold their papers away； and look at me。 A class of juniors will look at me over the top of their papers； and then get back to them。 A class of seniors will ignore my greeting； and keep reading the papers。 When I say ‘Good Morning’ to a class of graduate students； they write it down。”
作弊者
考试后的一天，约翰逊先生在课堂上把强尼拉到讲台旁边问道：“强尼，我认为你在这次考试中作弊了。”
强尼非常惊讶，要求约翰逊先生拿出证据。“好的，”约翰逊先生说，“我看到你的试卷上有这样一个问题：‘我们的第一任总统是谁？’紧挨着你的那个名叫玛丽的女孩写的是‘乔治·华盛顿’，你写的也是这个答案。”
“当然，每个人都知道他是我们的第一任总统。”
“噢，等一下，”约翰逊先生说，“下一个问题是：‘谁解放了黑奴？’玛丽的答案是‘亚伯拉罕·林肯’，你的答案也是一样。”
“噢，我昨天晚上看了历史书，我记得。”强尼说。
“等等，等等，”约翰逊先生说，“下一个问题是：‘谁在路易斯安娜大收购时期当了总统？’玛丽写的是‘我不知道’，而你写的则是：‘我也不知道’。”
Cheater
In class one day； Mr。 Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test； and said； “Johnny； I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests。”
Johnny was astounded and asked Mr。 Johnson to prove it。 “Well；” said Mr。 Johnson； “I was looking over your test and the question was； ‘Who was our first president？’； and the little girl that sits next to you； Mary； put ‘George Washington’； and so did you。”
“So； everyone knows that he was the first president。”
聪明人生 第一章（2）
“Well； just wait a minute；” said Mr。 Johnson。 “The next question was。 ‘Who freed the slaves？ Mary put ‘Abraham Lincoln’； and so did you。”
“Well； I read the history book last night and I remembered that；” said Johnny。
“Wait； wait；” said Mr。 Johnson。 “The next question was；‘Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase？’ Mary put ‘I don’t know’； and you put； ‘Me neither’。”
我爸爸不如他爸爸富有
著名的百万富翁约翰·D。洛克菲勒的一位朋友讲述了一个关于他的故事，是他的一个朋友讲述的。
据他的这位朋友所说，虽然洛克菲勒不在意捐赠上百万圆的大钱，可他却十分吝啬一笔笔小钱。一天，洛克菲勒来到纽约的一家旅馆，要求住最便宜的房间。洛克菲勒问道：“你们最便宜的房间一个晚上多少钱？”经理把价钱告诉了他。
“这是你们最便宜的房间吗？我只是自己住，一个很小的房间就可以了。”
经理说：“这的确是我们最小、最便宜的房间了。”接着他又不解地问道，“您为什么要住这样简陋的房间？ 您的儿子住在这里时，他总是住最贵的房间，可您却要住