《The Rainbow-虹(英文版)》

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The Rainbow-虹(英文版)- 第51部分


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noble life。

It was a grief to her that her father made such a poor
introduction。 He was brief as ever; like a boy saying his
errand; and his clothes looked ill…fitting and casual。 Whereas
Ursula would have liked robes and a ceremonial of introduction
to this; her new estate。

She made a new illusion of school。 Miss Grey; the
headmistress; had a certain silvery; school…mistressy beauty of
character。 The school itself had been a gentleman's house。 Dark;
sombre lawns separated it from the dark; select avenue。 But its
rooms were large and of good appearance; and from the back; one
looked over lawns and shrubbery; over the trees and the grassy
slope of the Arboretum; to the town which heaped the hollow with
its roofs and cupolas and its shadows。

So Ursula seated herself upon the hill of learning; looking
down on the smoke and confusion and the manufacturing; engrossed
activity of the town。 She was happy。 Up here; in the Grammar
School; she fancied the air was finer; beyond the factory smoke。
She wanted to learn Latin and Greek and French and mathematics。
She trembled like a postulant when she wrote the Greek alphabet
for the first time。

She was upon another hill…slope; whose summit she had not
scaled。 There was always the marvellous eagerness in her heart;
to climb and to see beyond。 A Latin verb was virgin soil to her:
she sniffed a new odour in it; it meant something; though she
did not know what it meant。 But she gathered it up: it was
significant。 When she knew that:

    x2…y2 = (x + y)(x…y)

then she felt that she had grasped something; that she was
liberated into an intoxicating air; rare and unconditioned。 And
she was very glad as she wrote her French exercise:

〃J'AI DONNE LE PAIN A MON PETIT FRERE。〃

In all these things there was the sound of a bugle to her
heart; exhilarating; summoning her to perfect places。 She never
forgot her brown 〃Longman's First French Grammar〃; nor her 〃Via
Latina〃 with its red edges; nor her little grey Algebra book。
There was always a magic in them。

At learning she was quick; intelligent; instinctive; but she
was not 〃thorough〃。 If a thing did not e to her
instinctively; she could not learn it。 And then; her mad rage of
loathing for all lessons; her bitter contempt of all teachers
and schoolmistresses; her recoil to a fierce; animal arrogance
made her detestable。

She was a free; unabateable animal; she declared in her
revolts: there was no law for her; nor any rule。 She existed for
herself alone。 Then ensued a long struggle with everybody; in
which she broke down at last; when she had run the full length
of her resistance; and sobbed her heart out; desolate; and
afterwards; in a chastened; washed…out; bodiless state; she
received the understanding that would not e before; and went
her way sadder and wiser。

Ursula and Gudrun went to school together。 Gudrun was a shy;
quiet; wild creature; a thin slip of a thing hanging back from
notice or twisting past to disappear into her own world again。
She seemed to avoid all contact; instinctively; and pursued her
own intent way; pursuing half…formed fancies that had no
relation to anyone else。

She was not clever at all。 She thought Ursula clever enough
for two。 Ursula understood; so why should she; Gudrun; bother
herself? The younger girl lived her religious; responsible life
in her sister; by proxy。 For herself; she was indifferent and
intent as a wild animal; and as irresponsible。

When she found herself at the bottom of the class; she
laughed; lazily; and was content; saying she was safe now。 She
did not mind her father's chagrin nor her mother's tinge of
mortification。

〃What do I pay for you to go to Nottingham for?〃 her father
asked; exasperated。

〃Well; Dad; you know you needn't pay for me;〃 she replied;
nonchalant。 〃I'm ready to stop at home。〃

She was happy at home; Ursula was not。 Slim and unwilling
abroad; Gudrun was easy in her own house as a wild thing in its
lair。 Whereas Ursula; attentive and keen abroad; at home was
reluctant; uneasy; unwilling to be herself; or unable。

Nevertheless Sunday remained the maximum day of the week for
both。 Ursula turned passionately to it; to the sense of eternal
security it gave。 She suffered anguish of fears during the
week…days; for she felt strong powers that would not recognize
her。 There was upon her always a fear and a dislike of
authority。 She felt she could always do as she wanted if she
managed to avoid a battle with Authority and the authorised
Powers。 But if she gave herself away; she would be lost;
destroyed。 There was always the menace against her。

This strange sense of cruelty and ugliness always imminent;
ready to seize hold upon her this feeling of the grudging power
of the mob lying in wait for her; who was the exception; formed
one of the deepest influences of her life。 Wherever she was; at
school; among friends; in the street; in the train; she
instinctively abated herself; made herself smaller; feigned to
be less than she was; for fear that her undiscovered self should
be seen; pounced upon; attacked by brutish resentment of the
monplace; the average Self。

She was fairly safe at school; now。 She knew how to take her
place there; and how much of herself to reserve。 But she was
free only on Sundays。 When she was but a girl of fourteen; she
began to feel a resentment growing against her in her own home。
She knew she was the disturbing influence there。 But as yet; on
Sundays; she was free; really free; free to be herself; without
fear or misgiving。

Even at its stormiest; Sunday was a blessed day。 Ursula woke
to it with a feeling of immense relief。 She wondered why her
heart was so light。 Then she remembered it was Sunday。 A
gladness seemed to burst out around her; a feeling of great
freedom。 The whole world was for twenty…four hours revoked; put
back。 Only the Sunday world existed。

She loved the very confusion of the household。 It was lucky
if the children slept till seven o'clock。 Usually; soon after
six; a chirp was heard; a voice; an excited chirrup began;
announcing the creation of a new day; there was a thudding of
quick little feet; and the children were up and about;
scampering in their shirts; with pink legs and glistening;
flossy hair all clean from the Saturday's night bathing; their
souls excited by their bodies' cleanliness。

As the house began to teem with rushing; half…naked clean
children; one of the parents rose; either the mother; easy and
slatternly; with her thick; dark hair loosely coiled and
slipping over one ear; or the father; warm and fortable; with
ruffled black hair and shirt unbuttoned at the neck。

Then the girls upstairs heard the continual:

〃Now then; Billy; what are you up to?〃 in the father's
strong; vibrating voice: or the mother's dignified:

〃I have said; Cassie; I will not have it。〃

It was amazing how the father's voice could ring out like a
gong; without his being in the least moved; and how the mother
could speak like a queen holding an audience; though her blouse
was sticking out all round and her hair was not fastened up and
the children were yelling a pandemonium。

Gradually breakfast was produced; and the elder girls came
down into the babel; whilst half…naked children flitted round
like the wrong ends of cherubs; as Gudrun said; watching the
bare little legs and the chubby tails appearing and
disappearing。

Gradually the young ones were captured; and nightdresses
finally removed; ready for the clean Sunday shirt。 But before
the Sunday shirt was slipped over the fleecy head; away darted
the naked body; to wallow in the sheepskin which formed the
parlour rug; whilst the mother walked after; protesting sharply;
holding the shirt like a noose; and the father's bronze voice
rang out; and the naked child wallowing on its back in the deep
sheepskin announced gleefully:

〃I'm bading in the sea; mother。〃

〃Why should I walk after you with your shirt?〃 said the
mother。 〃Get up now。〃

〃I'm bading in the sea; mother;〃 repeated the wallowing;
naked figure。

〃We say bathing; not bading;〃 said the mother; with her
strange; indifferent dignity。 〃I am waiting here with your
shirt。〃

At length shirts were on; and stockings were paired; and
little trousers buttoned and little petticoats tied behind。 The
besetting cowardice of the family was its shirking of the garter
question。

〃Where are your garters; Cassie?〃

〃I don't know。〃

〃Well; look for them。〃

But not one of the elder Brangwens would really face the
situation。 After Cassie had grovelled under all the furniture
and blacked up all her Sunday cleanliness; to the infinite grief
of everybody; the garter was forgotten in the new washing of the
young face and hands。

Later; Ursula would be indignant to see Miss Cassie marching
into church from Sunday school with her stocking sluthered down
to her ankle; and a grubby knee showing。

〃It's disgraceful!〃 cried Ursula at dinner。 〃People will
think we're pigs; and the children are never washed。〃

〃Never mind what people think;〃 said the mother superbly。 〃I
see that the child is bathed properly; and if I satisfy myself I
satisfy everybody。 She can't keep her stocking up and no garter;
and it isn't the child's fault she was let to go without
one。〃

The garter trouble continued in varying degrees; but till
each child wore long skirts or long trousers; it was not
removed。

On this day of decorum; the Brangwen family went to church by
the high…road; making a detour outside all the garden…hedge;
rather than climb the wall into the churchyard。 There was no law
of this; from the parents。 The children themselves were the
wardens of the Sabbath decency; very jealous and instant with
each other。

It came to be; gradually; that after church on Sundays the
house was really something of a sanctuary; with peace breathing
like a strange bird alighted in the rooms。 Indoors; only reading
and tale…telling and quiet pursuits; such as drawing; were
allowed。 Out of doors; all playing was to be carried on
unobtrusively。 If there were noise; yelling or shouting; then
some fierce spirit woke up in the father and the elder children;
so that the younger were subdued; afraid of being
exmunicated。

The children themselves preserved the Sabbath。 If Ursula in
her vanity sang:

  〃Il etait un' bergere
   Et ron…ron…ron petit patapon;〃

Theresa was sure to cry:

〃That's not a Sunday song; our Ursula。〃

〃You don't know;〃 replied Ursula; superior。 Nevertheless; she
wavered。 And her song faded down before she came to the end。

Because; though she did not know it; her Sunday was very
precious to her。 She found herself in a strange; undefined
place; where her spirit could wander in dreams; unassailed。

The white…robed spirit of Christ passed between olive trees。
It was a vision; not a reality。 And she herself partook of the
visionary being。 There was the voice in the night calling;
〃Samuel; Samuel!〃 And still the voice called in the night。 But
not this night; nor last night; but in the unfathomed night of
Sunday; of the Sabbath silence。

There was Sin; the serpent; in whom was also wisdom。 There
was Judas with the money and the kiss。

But there was no actual Sin。
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