what it was to be unsure。 What then was it that gave him this
curious stability？
She did not know。 She wondered。 She looked round the room he
lived in。 It had a close intimacy that fascinated and almost
frightened her。 The furniture was old and familiar as old
people； the whole place seemed so kin to him； as if it partook
of his being； that she was uneasy。
〃It is already a long time that you have lived in this
house……yes？〃 she asked。
〃I've always lived here；〃 he said。
〃Yes……but your people……your family？〃
〃We've been here above two hundred years；〃 he said。 Her eyes
were on him all the time； wide…open and trying to grasp him。 He
felt that he was there for her。
〃It is your own place； the house； the
farm？〃
〃Yes；〃 he said。 He looked down at her and met her look。 It
disturbed her。 She did not know him。 He was a foreigner； they
had nothing to do with each other。 Yet his look disturbed her to
knowledge of him。 He was so strangely confident and direct。
〃You live quite alone？〃
〃Yes……if you call it alone？〃
She did not understand。 It seemed unusual to her。 What was
the meaning of it？
And whenever her eyes； after watching him for some time；
inevitably met his； she was aware of a heat beating up over her
consciousness。 She sat motionless and in conflict。 Who was this
strange man who was at once so near to her？ What was happening
to her？ Something in his young； warm…twinkling eyes seemed to
assume a right to her； to speak to her； to extend her his
protection。 But how？ Why did he speak to her？ Why were his eyes
so certain； so full of light and confident； waiting for no
permission nor signal？
Tilly returned with a large leaf and found the two silent。 At
once he felt it incumbent on him to speak； now the serving…woman
had e back。
〃How old is your little girl？〃 he asked。
〃Four years；〃 she replied。
〃Her father hasn't been dead long； then？〃 he asked。
〃She was one year when he died。〃
〃Three years？〃
〃Yes； three years that he is dead……yes。〃
Curiously quiet she was； almost abstracted； answering these
questions。 She looked at him again； with some maidenhood opening
in her eyes。 He felt he could not move； neither towards her nor
away from her。 Something about her presence hurt him； till he
was almost rigid before her。 He saw the girl's wondering look
rise in her eyes。
Tilly handed her the butter and she rose。
〃Thank you very much；〃 she said。 〃How much is it？〃
〃We'll make th' vicar a present of it；〃 he said。 〃It'll do
for me goin' to church。〃
〃It 'ud look better of you if you went to church and took th'
money for your butter；〃 said Tilly； persistent in her claim to
him。
〃You'd have to put in； shouldn't you？〃 he said。
〃How much； please？〃 said the Polish woman to Tilly。 Brangwen
stood by and let be。
〃Then； thank you very much；〃 she said。
〃Bring your little girl down sometime to look at th' fowls
and horses；〃 he said；……〃if she'd like it。〃
〃Yes； she would like it；〃 said the stranger。
And she went。 Brangwen stood dimmed by her departure。 He
could not notice Tilly； who was looking at him uneasily； wanting
to be reassured。 He could not think of anything。 He felt that he
had made some invisible connection with the strange woman。
A daze had e over his mind； he had another centre of
consciousness。 In his breast； or in his bowels； somewhere in his
body； there had started another activity。 It was as if a strong
light were burning there； and he was blind within it； unable to
know anything； except that this transfiguration burned between
him and her； connecting them； like a secret power。
Since she had e to the house he went about in a daze；
scarcely seeing even the things he handled； drifting； quiescent；
in a state of metamorphosis。 He submitted to that which was
happening to him； letting go his will； suffering the loss of
himself； dormant always on the brink of ecstasy； like a creature
evolving to a new birth。
She came twice with her child to the farm； but there was this
lull between them； an intense calm and passivity like a torpor
upon them； so that there was no active change took place。 He was
almost unaware of the child； yet by his native good humour he
gained her confidence； even her affection； setting her on a
horse to ride； giving her corn for the fowls。
Once he drove the mother and child from Ilkeston； picking
them up on the road。 The child huddled close to him as if for
love； the mother sat very still。 There was a vagueness； like a
soft mist over all of them； and a silence as if their wills were
suspended。 Only he saw her hands； ungloved； folded in her lap；
and he noticed the wedding…ring on her finger。 It excluded him：
it was a closed circle。 It bound her life； the wedding…ring； it
stood for her life in which he could have no part。 Nevertheless；
beyond all this； there was herself and himself which should
meet。
As he helped her down from the trap； almost lifting her； he
felt he had some right to take her thus between his hands。 She
belonged as yet to that other； to that which was behind。 But he
must care for her also。 She was too living to be neglected。
Sometimes her vagueness； in which he was lost； made him
angry； made him rage。 But he held himself still as yet。 She had
no response； no being towards him。 It puzzled and enraged him；
but he submitted for a long time。 Then； from the accumulated
troubling of her ignoring him； gradually a fury broke out；
destructive； and he wanted to go away； to escape her。
It happened she came down to the Marsh with the child whilst
he was in this state。 Then he stood over against her； strong and
heavy in his revolt； and though he said nothing； still she felt
his anger and heavy impatience grip hold of her； she was shaken
again as out of a torpor。 Again her heart stirred with a quick；
out…running impulse； she looked at him； at the stranger who was
not a gentleman yet who insisted on ing into her life； and
the pain of a new birth in herself strung all her veins to a new
form。 She would have to begin again； to find a new being； a new
form； to respond to that blind； insistent figure standing over
against her。
A shiver； a sickness of new birth passed over her； the flame
leaped up him； under his skin。 She wanted it； this new life from
him； with him； yet she must defend herself against it； for it
was a destruction。
As he worked alone on the land； or sat up with his ewes at
lambing time； the facts and material of his daily life fell
away； leaving the kernel of his purpose clean。 And then it came
upon him that he would marry her and she would be his life。
Gradually； even without seeing her； he came to know her。 He
would have liked to think of her as of something given into his
protection； like a child without parents。 But it was forbidden
him。 He had to e down from this pleasant view of the case。
She might refuse him。 And besides； he was afraid of her。
But during the long February nights with the ewes in labour；
looking out from the shelter into the flashing stars； he knew he
did not belong to himself。 He must admit that he was only
fragmentary； something inplete and subject。 There were the
stars in the dark heaven travelling； the whole host passing by
on some eternal voyage。 So he sat small and submissive to the
greater ordering。
Unless she would e to him； he must remain as a
nothingness。 It was a hard experience。 But； after her repeated
obliviousness to him； after he had seen so often that he did not
exist for her； after he had raged and tried to escape； and said
he was good enough by himself； he was a man； and could stand
alone； he must； in the starry multiplicity of the night humble
himself； and admit and know that without her he was nothing。
He was nothing。 But with her； he would be real。 If she were
now walking across the frosty grass near the sheep…shelter；
through the fretful bleating of the ewes and lambs； she would
bring him pleteness and perfection。 And if it should be so；
that she should e to him！ It should be so……it was
ordained so。
He was a long time resolving definitely to ask her to marry
him。 And he knew； if he asked her； she must really acquiesce。
She must； it could not be otherwise。
He had learned a little of her。 She was poor； quite alone；
and had had a hard time in London； both before and after her
husband died。 But in Poland she was a lady well born； a
landowner's daughter。
All these things were only words to him； the fact of her
superior birth； the fact that her husband had been a brilliant
doctor； the fact that he himself was her inferior in almost
every way of distinction。 There was an inner reality； a logic of
the soul； which connected her with him。
One evening in March； when the wind was roaring outside； came
the moment to ask her。 He had sat with his hands before him；
leaning to the fire。 And as he watched the fire； he knew almost
without thinking that he was going this evening。
〃Have you got a clean shirt？〃 he asked Tilly。
〃You know you've got clean shirts；〃 she said。
〃Ay；……bring me a white one。〃
Tilly brought down one of the linen shirts he had inherited
from his father； putting it before him to air at the fire。 She
loved him with a dumb； aching love as he sat leaning with his
arms on his knees； still and absorbed； unaware of her。 Lately； a
quivering inclination to cry had e over her； when she did
anything for him in his presence。 Now her hands trembled as she
spread the shirt。 He was never shouting and teasing now。 The
deep stillness there was in the house made her tremble。
He went to wash himself。 Queer little breaks of consciousness
seemed to rise and burst like bubbles out of the depths of his
stillness。
〃It's got to be done；〃 he said as he stooped to take the
shirt out of the fender； 〃it's got to be done； so why balk it？〃
And as he bed his hair before the mirror on the wall； he
retorted to himself； superficially： 〃The woman's not speechless
dumb。 She's not clutterin' at the nipple。 She's got the right to
please herself； and displease whosoever she likes。〃
This streak of mon sense carried him a little further。
〃Did you want anythink？〃 asked Tilly； suddenly appearing；
having heard him speak。 She stood watching him b his fair
beard。 His eyes were calm and uninterrupted。
〃Ay；〃 he said； 〃where have you put the scissors？〃
She brought them to him； and stood watching as； chin forward；
he trimmed his beard。
〃Don't go an' crop yourself as if you was at a shearin'
contest；〃 she said； anxiously。 He blew the fine…curled hair
quickly off his lips。
He put on all clean clothes； folded his stock carefully； and
donned his best coat。 Then； being ready； as grey twilight was
falling； he went across to the orchard to gather the daffodils。
The wind was roaring in the apple trees； the yellow flowers
swayed violently up and down； he heard even the fine whisper of
their spears as he stooped to break the flattened； brittle stems
of the flowers。
〃What's to…do？〃 shouted a friend who met him as he left the
garden gate。
〃Bit of courtin'； like；〃 said Brangwen。
And Tilly； in a great state of trepidation and excitement；
let the wind whisk her over the field to the big gate； whence
she could watch him go。
He went up the hill and o