The Rainbow-虹(英文版)- 第79部分

They　went　on　in　silence　down　the　path；　following　their
different　fates。　The　trees　grew　darker　and　darker；　the　snow　made
only　a　dimness　in　an　unreal　world。　And　like　a　shadow；　the　day
had　gone　into　a　faintly　luminous；　snowy　evening；　while　she　was
talking　aimlessly　to　him；　to　keep　him　at　a　distance；　yet　to　keep
him　near　her；　and　he　walked　heavily。　He　opened　the　garden　gate
for　her　quietly；　and　she　was　entering　into　her　own　pleasances；
leaving　him　outside　the　gate。

Then　even　whilst　she　was　escaping；　or　trying　to　escape；　this
feeling　of　pain；　came　Maggie　the　next　day；　saying：

〃I　wouldn't　make　Anthony　love　you；　Ursula；　if　you　don't　want
him。　It　is　not　nice。〃

〃But；　Maggie；　I　never　made　him　love　me；〃　cried　Ursula；
dismayed　and　suffering；　and　feeling　as　if　she　had　done　something
base。

She　liked　Anthony；　though。　All　her　life；　at　intervals；　she
returned　to　the　thought　of　him　and　of　that　which　he　offered。　But
she　was　a　traveller；　she　was　a　traveller　on　the　face　of　the
earth；　and　he　was　an　isolated　creature　living　in　the　fulfilment
of　his　own　senses。

She　could　not　help　it；　that　she　was　a　traveller。　She　knew
Anthony；　that　he　was　not　one。　But　oh；　ultimately　and　finally；
she　must　go　on　and　on；　seeking　the　goal　that　she　knew　she　did
draw　nearer　to。

She　was　wearing　away　her　second　and　last　cycle　at　St。
Philip's。　As　the　months　went　she　ticked　them　off；　first　October；
then　November；　December；　January。　She　was　careful　always　to
subtract　a　month　from　the　remainder；　for　the　summer　holidays。
She　saw　herself　travelling　round　a　circle；　only　an　arc　of　which
remained　to　plete。　Then；　she　was　in　the　open；　like　a　bird
tossed　into　mid…air；　a　bird　that　had　learned　in　some　measure　to
fly。

There　was　college　ahead；　that　was　her　mid…air；　unknown；
spacious。　e　college；　and　she　would　have　broken　from　the
confines　of　all　the　life　she　had　known。　For　her　father　was　also
going　to　move。　They　were　all　going　to　leave　Cossethay。

Brangwen　had　kept　his　carelessness　about　his　circumstances。
He　knew　his　work　in　the　lace　designing　meant　little　to　him
personally；　he　just　earned　his　wage　by　it。　He　did　not　know　what
meant　much　to　him。　Living　close　to　Anna　Brangwen；　his　mind　was
always　suffused　through　with　physical　heat；　he　moved　from
instinct　to　instinct；　groping；　always　groping　on。

When　it　was　suggested　to　him　that　he　might　apply　for　one　of
the　posts　as　hand…work　instructor；　posts　about　to　be　created　by
the　Nottingham　Education　mittee；　it　was　as　if　a　space　had
been　given　to　him；　into　which　he　could　remove　from　his　hot；
dusky　enclosure。　He　sent　in　his　application；　confidently；
expectantly。　He　had　a　sort　of　belief　in　his　supernatural　fate。
The　inevitable　weariness　of　his　daily　work　had　stiffened　some　of
his　muscles；　and　made　a　slight　deadness　in　his　ruddy；　alert
face。　Now　he　might　escape。

He　was　full　of　the　new　possibilities；　and　his　wife　was
acquiescent。　She　was　willing　now　to　have　a　change。　She　too　was
tired　of　Cossethay。　The　house　was　too　small　for　the　growing
children。　And　since　she　was　nearly　forty　years　old；　she　began　to
e　awake　from　her　sleep　of　motherhood；　her　energy　moved　more
outwards。　The　din　of　growing　lives　roused　her　from　her　apathy。
She　too　must　have　her　hand　in　making　life。　She　was　quite　ready
to　move；　taking　all　her　brood。　It　would　be　better　now　if　she
transplanted　them。　For　she　had　borne　her　last　child；　it　would　be
growing　up。

So　that　in　her　easy；　unused　fashion　she　talked　plans　and
arrangements　with　her　husband；　indifferent　really　as　to　the
method　of　the　change；　since　a　change　was　ing；　even　if　it　did
not　e　in　this　way　it　would　e　in　another。

The　house　was　full　of　ferment。　Ursula　was　wild　with
excitement。　At　last　her　father　was　going　to　be　something；
socially。　So　long；　he　had　been　a　social　cypher；　without　form　or
standing。　Now　he　was　going　to　be　Art　and　Handwork　Instructor　for
the　County　of　Nottingham。　That　was　really　a　status。　It　was　a
position。　He　would　be　a　specialist　in　his　way。　And　he　was　an
unmon　man。　Ursula　felt　they　were　all　getting　a　foothold　at
last。　He　was　ing　to　his　own。　Who　else　that　she　knew　could
turn　out　from　his　own　fingers　the　beautiful　things　her　father
could　produce？　She　felt　he　was　certain　of　this　new　job。

They　would　move。　They　would　leave　this　cottage　at　Cossethay
which　had　grown　too　small　for　them；　they　would　leave　Cossethay；
where　the　children　had　all　been　born；　and　where　they　were　always
kept　to　the　same　measure。　For　the　people　who　had　known　them　as
children　along　with　the　other　village　boys　and　girls　would
never；　could　never　understand　that　they　should　grow　up
different。　They　had　held　〃Urtler　Brangwen〃　one　of　themselves；
and　had　given　her　her　place　in　her　native　village；　as　in　a
family。　And　the　bond　was　strong。　But　now；　when　she　was　growing
to　something　beyond　what　Cossethay　would　allow　or　understand；
the　bond　between　her　and　her　old　associates　was　being　a
bondage。

〃'Ello；　Urs'ler；　'ow　are　yer　goin'　on？〃　they　said　when　they
met　her。　And　it　demanded　of　her　in　the　old　voice　the　old
response。　And　something　in　her　must　respond　and　belong　to　people
who　knew　her。　But　something　else　denied　bitterly。　What　was　true
of　her　ten　years　ago　was　not　true　now。　And　something　else　which
she　was；　and　must　be；　they　could　neither　see　nor　allow。　They
felt　it　there　nevertheless；　something　beyond　them；　and　they　were
injured。　They　said　she　was　proud　and　conceited；　that　she　was　too
big　for　her　shoes　nowadays。　They　said；　she　needn't　pretend；
because　they　knew　what　she　was。　They　had　known　her　since　she　was
born。　They　quoted　this　and　that　about　her。　And　she　was　ashamed
because　she　did　feel　different　from　the　people　she　had　lived
amongst。　It　hurt　her　that　she　could　not　be　at　her　ease　with　them
any　more。　And　yet……and　yet……one's　kite　will　rise　on
the　wind　as　far　as　ever　one　has　string　to　let　it　go。　It　tugs　and
tugs　and　will　go；　and　one　is　glad　the　further　it　goes；　even　it
everybody　else　is　nasty　about　it。　So　Cossethay　hampered　her；　and
she　wanted　to　go　away；　to　be　free　to　fly　her　kite　as　high　as　she
liked。　She　wanted　to　go　away；　to　be　free　to　stand　straight　up　to
her　own　height。

So　that　when　she　knew　that　her　father　had　the　new　post；　and
that　the　family　would　move；　she　felt　like　skipping　on　the　face
of　the　earth；　and　making　psalms　of　joy。　The　old；　bound　shell　of
Cossethay　was　to　be　cast　off；　and　she　was　to　dance　away　into　the
blue　air。　She　wanted　to　dance　and　sing。

She　made　dreams　of　the　new　place　she　would　live　in；　where
stately　cultured　people　of　high　feeling　would　be　friends　with
her；　and　she　would　live　with　the　noble　in　the　land；　moving　to　a
large　freedom　of　feeling。　She　dreamed　of　a　rich；　proud；　simple
girl…friend；　who　had　never　known　Mr。　Harby　and　his　like；　nor
ever　had　a　note　in　her　voice　of　bondaged　contempt　and　fear；　as
Maggie　had。

And　she　gave　herself　to　all　that　she　loved　in　Cossethay；
passionately；　because　she　was　going　away　now。　She　wandered　about
to　her　favourite　spots。　There　was　a　place　where　she　went
trespassing　to　find　the　snowdrops　that　grew　wild。　It　was　evening
and　the　winter…darkened　meadows　were　full　of　mystery。　When　she
came　to　the　woods　an　oak　tree　had　been　newly　chopped　down　in　the
dell。　Pale　drops　of　flowers　glimmered　many　under　the　hazels；　and
by　the　sharp；　golden　splinters　of　wood　that　were　splashed　about；
the　grey…green　blades　of　snowdrop　leaves　pricked　unheeding；　the
drooping　still　little　flowers　were　without　heed。

Ursula　picked　some　lovingly；　in　an　ecstasy。　The　golden　chips
of　wood　shone　yellow　like　sunlight；　the　snowdrops　in　the
twilight　were　like　the　first　stars　of　night。　And　she；　alone
amongst　them；　was　wildly　happy　to　have　found　her　way　into　such　a
glimmering　dusk；　to　the　intimate　little　flowers；　and　the　splash
of　wood　chips　like　sunshine　over　the　twilight　of　the　ground。　She
sat　down　on　the　felled　tree　and　remained　awhile　remote。

Going　home；　she　left　the　purplish　dark　of　the　trees　for　the
open　lane；　where　the　puddles　shone　long　and　jewel…like　in　the
ruts；　the　land　about　her　was　darkened；　and　the　sky　a　jewel
overhead。　Oh；　how　amazing　it　was　to　her！　It　was　almost　too　much。
She　wanted　to　run；　and　sing；　and　cry　out　for　very　wildness　and
poignancy；　but　she　could　not　run　and　sing　and　cry　out　in　such　a
way　as　to　cry　out　the　deep　things　in　her　heart；　so　she　was
still；　and　almost　sad　with　loneliness。

At　Easter　she　went　again　to　Maggie's　home；　for　a　few　days。
She　was；　however　shy　and　fugitive。　She　saw　Anthony；　how
suggestive　he　was　to　look　on；　and　how　his　eyes　had　a　sort　of
supplicating　light；　that　was　rather　beautiful。　She　looked　at
him；　and　she　looked　again；　for　him　to　bee　real　to　her。　But　it
was　her　own　self　that　was　occupied　elsewhere。　She　seemed　to　have
some　other　being。

And　she　turned　to　spring　and　the　opening　buds。　There　was　a
large　pear　tree　by　a　wall；　and　it　was　full；　thronged　with　tiny；
grey…green　buds；　myriads。　She　stood　before　it　arrested　with
delight；　and　a　realization　went　deep　into　her　heart。　There　was
so　great　a　host　in　array　behind　the　cloud　of　pale；　dim　green；　so
much　to　e　forth……so　much　sunshine　to　pour　down。

So　the　weeks　passed　on；　trance…like　and　pregnant。　The　pear
tree　at　Cossethay　burst　into　bloom　against　the　cottage…end；　like
a　wave　burst　into　foam。　Then　gradually　the　bluebells　came；　blue
as　water　standing　thin　in　the　level　places　under　the　trees　and
bushes；　flowing　in　more　and　more；　till　there　was　a　flood　of
azure；　and　pale…green　leaves　burning；　and　tiny　birds　with　fiery
little　song　and　flight。　Then　swiftly　the　flood　sank　and　was
gone；　and　it　was　summer。

There　was　to　be　no　going　to　the　seaside　for　a　holiday。　The
holiday　was　the　removal　from　Cossethay。

They　were　going　to　live　near　Willey　Green；　which　place　was
most　central　for　Brangwen。　It　was　an　old；　quiet　village　on　the
edge　of　the　thronged　colliery…district。　So　that　it　served；　in
its　quaintness　of　odd　old　cottages　lingering　in　their　sunny
gardens；　as　a　sort　of　bower　or　pleasaunce　to　the　sprawling
colliery…townlet　of　Beldover；　a　pleasant　walk…round　for　the
colliers　on　Sunday　morning；　before　the　public…houses　opened。

In　Willey　Green　stood　the　Grammar　School　where　Brangwen　was
occupied　for　two　days　during　the　week；　and　where　experiments　in
education　were　being　carried　on。

Ursula　wanted　to　live　in　Willey　Green　on　the　remoter　side；
towards　Southwell；　and　Sherwood　Forest。　There　it　was　so　lovely
and　romantic。　But　out　into　the　world　meant　out　into　the　world。
Will　Brangwen　must　bee　modern。

He　bought；　with　his　wife's　money；　a　fairly　large　house　in　the
new；　red…brick　part　of　Beldover。　It　was　a　villa　built　by　the
widow　of　the　late　colliery　manager；　and　stood　in　a　quiet；　new
little　side…street　near　the　large　church。

Ursula　was　rather　sad。　Instead　of　having　arrived　at
distinction　they　had　e　to　new　red…brick　suburbia　in　a　grimy；
small　town。

Mrs。　Brangwen　was　happy。　The　rooms　were　splendidly
large……a　splendid　dining…room；　drawing…room　and　kitchen；
besides　a　very　pleasant　study　downstairs。　Everything　was
admirably　appointed。　The　widow　had　settled　herself　in　lavishly。
She　was　a　native　of　Beldover；　and　had　intended　to　reign　almost
queen。　Her　bathroom　was　white　and　silver；　her　stairs　were　of
oak；　her　chimney…pieces　were　massive　and　oaken；　with　bulging；
columna