The Rainbow-虹(英文版)- 第88部分

Whitsuntide　came；　just　before　her　examination。　She　was　to
have　a　few　days　of　rest。　Dorothy　had　inherited　her　patrimony；
and　had　taken　a　cottage　in　Sussex。　She　invited　them　to　stay　with
her。

They　went　down　to　Dorothy's　neat；　low　cottage　at　the　foot　of
the　downs。　Here　they　could　do　as　they　liked。　Ursula　was　always
yearning　to　go　to　the　top　of　the　downs。　The　white　track　wound　up
to　the　rounded　summit。　And　she　must　go。

Up　there；　she　could　see　the　Channel　a　few　miles　away；　the　sea
raised　up　and　faintly　glittering　in　the　sky；　the　Isle　of　Wight　a
shadow　lifted　in　the　far　distance；　the　river　winding　bright
through　the　patterned　plain　to　seaward；　Arundel　Castle　a　shadowy
bulk；　and　then　the　rolling　of　the　high；　smooth　downs；　making　a
high；　smooth　land　under　heaven；　acknowledging　only　the　heavens
in　their　great；　sun…glowing　strength；　and　suffering　only　a　few
bushes　to　trespass　on　the　intercourse　between　their　great；
unabateable　body　and　the　changeful　body　of　the　sky。

Below　she　saw　the　villages　and　the　woods　of　the　weald；　and
the　train　running　bravely；　a　gallant　little　thing；　running　with
all　the　importance　of　the　world　over　the　water　meadows　and　into
the　gap　of　the　downs；　waving　its　white　steam；　yet　all　the　while
so　little。　So　little；　yet　its　courage　carried　it　from　end　to　end
of　the　earth；　till　there　was　no　place　where　it　did　not　go。　Yet
the　downs；　in　magnificent　indifference；　bearing　limbs　and　body
to　the　sun；　drinking　sunshine　and　sea…wind　and　sea…wet　cloud
into　its　golden　skin；　with　superb　stillness　and　calm　of　being；
was　not　the　downs　still　more　wonderful？　The　blind；　pathetic；
energetic　courage　of　the　train　as　it　steamed　tinily　away　through
the　patterned　levels　to　the　sea's　dimness；　so　fast　and　so
energetic；　made　her　weep。　Where　was　it　going？　It　was　going
nowhere；　it　was　just　going。　So　blind；　so　without　goal　or　aim；
yet　so　hasty！　She　sat　on　an　old　prehistoric　earth…work　and
cried；　and　the　tears　ran　down　her　face。　The　train　had　tunnelled
all　the　earth；　blindly；　and　uglily。

And　she　lay　face　downwards　on　the　downs；　that　were　so　strong；
that　cared　only　for　their　intercourse　with　the　everlasting
skies；　and　she　wished　she　could　bee　a　strong　mound　smooth
under　the　sky；　bosom　and　limbs　bared　to　all　winds　and　clouds　and
bursts　of　sunshine。

But　she　must　get　up　again　and　look　down　from　her　foothold　of
sunshine；　down　and　away　at　the　patterned；　level　earth；　with　its
villages　and　its　smoke　and　its　energy。　So　shortsighted　the　train
seemed；　running　to　the　distance；　so　terrifying　in　their
littleness　the　villages；　with　such　pettiness　in　their
activity。

Skrebensky　wandered　dazed；　not　knowing　where　he　was　or　what
he　was　doing　with　her。　All　her　passion　seemed　to　be　to　wander　up
there　on　the　downs；　and　when　she　must　descend　to　earth；　she　was
heavy。　Up　there　she　was　exhilarated　and　free。

She　would　not　love　him　in　a　house　any　more。　She　said　she
hated　houses；　and　particularly　she　hated　beds。　There　was
something　distasteful　in　his　ing　to　her　bed。

She　would　stay　the　night　on　the　downs；　up　there；　he　with　her。
It　was　midsummer；　the　days　were　glamorously　long。　At　about
half…past　ten；　when　the　bluey…black　darkness　had　at　last　fallen；
they　took　rugs　and　climbed　the　steep　track　to　the　summit　of　the
downs；　he　and　she。

Up　there；　the　stars　were　big；　the　earth　below　was　gone　into
darkness。　She　was　free　up　there　with　the　stars。　Far　out　they　saw
tiny　yellow　lights……but　it　was　very　far　out；　at　sea；　or　on
land。　She　was　free　up　among　the　stars。

She　took　off　her　clothes；　and　made　him　take　off　all　his；　and
they　ran　over　the　smooth；　moonless　turf；　a　long　way；　more　than　a
mile　from　where　they　had　left　their　clothing；　running　in　the
dark；　soft　wind；　utterly　naked；　as　naked　as　the　downs
themselves。　Her　hair　was　loose　and　blew　about　her　shoulders；　she
ran　swiftly；　wearing　sandals　when　she　set　off　on　the　long　run　to
the　dew…pond。

In　the　round　dew…pond　the　stars　were　untroubled。　She　ventured
softly　into　the　water；　grasping　at　the　stars　with　her　hands。

And　then　suddenly　she　started　back；　running　swiftly。　He　was
there；　beside　her；　but　only　on　sufferance。　He　was　a　screen　for
her　fears。　He　served　her。　She　took　him；　she　clasped　him；
clenched　him　close；　but　her　eyes　were　open　looking　at　the　stars；
it　was　as　if　the　stars　were　lying　with　her　and　entering　the
unfathomable　darkness　of　her　womb；　fathoming　her　at　last。　It　was
not　him。

The　dawn　came。　They　stood　together　on　a　high　place；　an
earthwork　of　the　stone…age　men；　watching　for　the　light。　It　came
over　the　land。　But　the　land　was　dark。　She　watched　a　pale　rim　on
the　sky；　away　against　the　darkened　land。　The　darkness　became
bluer。　A　little　wind　was　running　in　from　the　sea　behind。　It
seemed　to　be　running　to　the　pale　rift　of　the　dawn。　And　she　and
he　darkly；　on　an　outpost　of　the　darkness；　stood　watching　for　the
dawn。

The　light　grew　stronger；　gushing　up　against　the　dark　sapphire
of　the　transparent　night。　The　light　grew　stronger；　whiter；　then
over　it　hovered　a　flush　of　rose。　A　flush　of　rose；　and　then
yellow；　pale；　new…created　yellow；　the　whole　quivering　and
poising　momentarily　over　the　fountain　on　the　sky's　rim。

The　rose　hovered　and　quivered；　burned；　fused　to　flame；　to　a
transient　red；　while　the　yellow　urged　out　in　great　waves；　thrown
from　the　ever…increasing　fountain；　great　waves　of　yellow
flinging　into　the　sky；　scattering　its　spray　over　the　darkness；
which　became　bluer　and　bluer；　paler；　till　soon　it　would　itself
be　a　radiance；　which　had　been　darkness。

The　sun　was　ing。　There　was　a　quivering；　a　powerful
terrifying　swim　of　molten　light。　Then　the　molten　source　itself
surged　forth；　revealing　itself。　The　sun　was　in　the　sky；　too
powerful　to　look　at。

And　the　ground　beneath　lay　so　still；　so　peaceful。　Only　now
and　again　a　cock　crew。　Otherwise；　from　the　distant　yellow　hills
to　the　pine　trees　at　the　foot　of　the　downs；　everything　was　newly
washed　into　being；　in　a　flood　of　new；　golden　creation。

It　was　so　unutterably　still　and　perfect　with　promise；　the
golden…lighted；　distinct　land；　that　Ursula's　soul　rocked　and
wept。　Suddenly　he　glanced　at　her。　The　tears　were　running　over
her　cheeks；　her　mouth　was　working　strangely。

〃What　is　the　matter？〃　he　asked。

After　a　moment's　struggle　with　her　voice。

〃It　is　so　beautiful；〃　she　said；　looking　at　the　glowing；
beautiful　land。　It　was　so　beautiful；　so　perfect；　and　so
unsullied。

He　too　realized　what　England　would　be　in　a　few　hours'
time……a　blind；　sordid；　strenuous　activity；　all　for　nothing；
fuming　with　dirty　smoke　and　running　trains　and　groping　in　the
bowels　of　the　earth；　all　for　nothing。　A　ghastliness　came　over
him。

He　looked　at　Ursula。　Her　face　was　wet　with　tears；　very
bright；　like　a　transfiguration　in　the　refulgent　light。　Nor　was
his　the　hand　to　wipe　away　the　burning；　bright　tears。　He　stood
apart；　overe　by　a　cruel　ineffectuality。

Gradually　a　great；　helpless　sorrow　was　rising　in　him。　But　as
yet　he　was　fighting　it　away；　he　was　struggling　for　his　own　life。
He　became　very　quiet　and　unaware　of　the　things　about　him；
awaiting；　as　it　were；　her　judgment　on　him。

They　returned　to　Nottingham；　the　time　of　her　examination
came。　She　must　go　to　London。　But　she　would　not　stay　with　him　in
an　hotel。　She　would　go　to　a　quiet　little　pension　near　the
British　Museum。

Those　quiet　residential　squares　of　London　made　a　great
impression　on　her　mind。　They　were　very　plete。　Her　mind　seemed
imprisoned　in　their　quietness。　Who　was　going　to　liberate
her？

In　the　evening；　her　practical　examinations　being　over；　he
went　with　her　to　dinner　at　one　of　the　hotels　down　the　river；
near　Richmond。　It　was　golden　and　beautiful；　with　yellow　water
and　white　and　scarlet…striped　boat…awnings；　and　blue　shadows
under　the　trees。

〃When　shall　we　be　married？〃　he　asked　her；　quietly；　simply；　as
if　it　fort。

She　watched　the　changing　pleasure…traffic　of　the　river。　He
looked　at　her　golden；　puzzled　museau。　The　knot　gathered
in　his　throat。

〃I　don't　know；〃　she　said。

A　hot　grief　gripped　his　throat。

〃Why　don't　you　know……don't　you　want　to　be　married？〃　he
asked　her。

Her　head　turned　slowly；　her　face；　puzzled；　like　a　boy's　face；
expressionless　because　she　was　trying　to　think；　looked　towards
his　face。　She　did　not　see　him；　because　she　was　pre…occupied。　She
did　not　quite　know　what　she　was　going　to　say。

〃I　don't　think　I　want　to　be　married；〃　she　said；　and　her
naive；　troubled；　puzzled　eyes　rested　a　moment　on　his；　then
travelled　away；　pre…occupied。

〃Do　you　mean　never；　or　not　just　yet？〃　he　asked。

The　knot　in　his　throat　grew　harder；　his　face　was　drawn　as　if
he　were　being　strangled。

〃I　mean　never；〃　she　said；　out　of　some　far　self　which　spoke
for　once　beyond　her。

His　drawn；　strangled　face　watched　her　blankly　for　a　few
moments；　then　a　strange　sound　took　place　in　his　throat。　She
started；　came　to　herself；　and；　horrified；　saw　him。　His　head　made
a　queer　motion；　the　chin　jerked　back　against　the　throat；　the
curious；　crowing；　hiccupping　sound　came　again；　his　face　twisted
like　insanity；　and　he　was　crying；　crying　blind　and　twisted　as　if
something　were　broken　which　kept　him　in　control。

〃Tony……don't；〃　she　cried；　starting　up。

It　tore　every　one　of　her　nerves　to　see　him。　He　made　groping
movements　to　get　out　of　his　chair。　But　he　was　crying
uncontrollably；　noiselessly；　with　his　face　twisted　like　a　mask；
contorted　and　the　tears　running　down　the　amazing　grooves　in　his
cheeks。　Blindly；　his　face　always　this　horrible　working　mask；　he
groped　for　his　hat；　for　his　way　down　from　the　terrace。　It　was
eight　o'clock；　but　still　brightly　light。　The　other　people　were
staring。　In　great　agitation；　part　of　which　was　exasperation；　she
stayed　behind；　paid　the　waiter　with　a　half…sovereign；　took　her
yellow　silk　coat；　then　followed　Skrebensky。

She　saw　him　walking　with　brittle；　blind　steps　along　the　path
by　the　river。　She　could　tell　by　the　strange　stiffness　and
brittleness　of　his　figure　that　he　was　still　crying。　Hurrying
after　him；　running；　she　took　his　arm。

〃Tony；〃　she　cried；　〃don't！　Why　are　you　like　this？　What　are
you　doing　this　for？　Don't。　It's　not　necessary。〃

He　heard；　and　his　manhood　was　cruelly；　coldly　defaced。　Yet　it
was　no　good。　He　could　not　gain　control　of　his　face。　His　face；
his　breast；　were　weeping　violently；　as　if　automatically。　His
will；　his　knowledge　had　nothing　to　do　with　it。　He　simply　could
not　stop。

She　walked　holding　his　arm；　silent　with　exasperation　and
perplexity　and　pain。　He　took　the　uncertain　steps　of　a　blind　man；
because　his　mind　was　blind　with　weeping。

〃Shall　we　go　home？　Shall　we　have　a　taxi？〃　she　said。

He　could　pay　no　attention。　Very　flustered；　very　agitated；　she
signalled　indefinitely　to　a　taxi…cab　that　was　going　slowly　by。
The　driver　saluted　and　drew　up。　She　opened　the　door　and　pushed
Skrebensky　in；　then　took　her　own　place。　Her　face　was　uplifted；
the　mouth　closed　down；　she　looked　hard　and　cold　and　ashamed。　She
winced　as　the　driver's　dark　red　face　was　thrust　round　upon　her；
a　full…blooded；　animal　face　with　black　eyebrows　and　a　thick；
short…cut　moustache。

〃Where　to；　lady？〃　he　said；　his　white　teeth　showing。　Again　for
a　moment　she　was　flustered。

〃Forty；　Rutland　Square；〃　she　said。

He　touched　his　cap　and　stolidly　set　the　car　in　motion。　He
seemed　to　have