？You didn？t fail； Dad；？ Dan corrected as he scarfed down a forkful of sesame noodles。 Rufus and
Jenny had waited outside Hunan 92 on Ninety…second and Amsterdam while he went in to buy
some celebratory takeout。 He？d stayed up all night working on his speech； drinking instant coffee
after instant coffee and smoking Camel after Camel。 If he didn？t eat something； he wasn？t going
to make it to any party later。 Now they were home； sitting at the dining room table； staring at one
another； with an unopened bottle of champagne on the table。 It was a Monday and barely four
o？clock？an odd time to all be home together。
？At least he got into college；？ Jenny put in glumly。 She？d worn a new stretchy
lavender…and…pale…yellow Pucci print wrap dress to Dan？s graduation； and there were two huge
damp spots under each pendulous boob from where she？d sweated in the heat。 She felt disgusting
and was particularly resentful of her brother and father for being in such equally bad moods that
they weren？t even going to try to cheer her up。 She thought about calling Elise； but she was at her
country house in Cape Cod； and she？d only make Jenny feel worse by moping about the fact that
they were going to be apart next year。 That is； if Jenny was actually going anywhere next year。 As
things stood； she might have to be homeschooled。
She glanced at her father。 In an effort to fit in with the other fathers； he？d worn a suit to Dan？s
graduation； but it was black wool？too warm for June； and all wrong with the weirdly trendy；
tight…fitting pumpkin orange shirt he？d borrowed from Dan to wear underneath it。 He？d yanked
out the orange ribbon in his fury； and his wiry salt…and…pepper hair was now fashioned into a sort
of messy chignon； held together with the electric blue magnetic bulldog clip they used to keep
their takeout menus on the door of the refrigerator。 To make things worse； there were stray pieces
of pink towel lint in his beard。
Maybe homeschooling wasn？t such a great idea。
？Isn？t there someplace you kids need to be？？ Rufus asked； downing the remains of his wine。
Obviously； one glass wouldn？t be nearly enough。
？e on； Dad；？ Dan plained。 ？It？s not like I？m never going to college。 I just deferred for a
year； that？s all。？
Rufus reached for the uncorked bottle of Sangiovese in the middle of the table and poured
himself some more。 ？I just spent eighty thousand dollars on your high school education； all
borrowed； so it？ll probably be double with interest。 Excuse me for not being ecstatic。？ His gray
eyebrows knitted together in a furry single line。 ？Does Vanessa even know about this？？ he
demanded suspiciously。
Dan ripped open a clear plastic packet of fluorescent orange duck sauce with his teeth and
squirted it onto an egg roll。 ？Not really。？
Jenny and Rufus both stared at him in shocked surprise。
Dan looked up。 ？What？？
？Idiot；？ Jenny breathed across the table at him。 She？d worked with Vanessa Abrams onRancor ；
the Constance student…run arts magazine； and had hung out with her enough times to know that
she was fiercely independent and not at all into this sort of lovesick…puppy…dog shit Dan was
pulling。 Besides； wasn？t she supposed to be going out with Blair Waldorf？s stepbrother
now？ ？Idiot；？ she muttered again。
Rufus didn？t say anything。 He just picked up his glass of wine； carried it out of the dining room；
down the hall； and into his office； slamming the door shut behind him。
Dan shrugged his shoulders and opened up another packet of duck sauce。 ？I really don？t know
what everyone？s problem is。？
Jenny was about to tell him what an ignorant； presumptuous asshole he was when her baby blue
Nokia began to jingle with the first few notes of ？Happy Birthday to You；？ the Raves recording
she？d sung backup for。 She bit her lip； still glaring at Dan with her big brown eyes。
？It？s your phone。 You better answer it；？ Dan told her with his mouth full。
？Fine。？ Jenny reached into her imitation？Louis Vuitton Calla Lily purse and pressed the yes
button on her phone。 It was probably Elise； calling her from Cape Cod to plain about how
bored she was of eating lobster with her parents。 ？Just to warn you； I？m in a really bad mood；？
Jenny said in greeting。
There was silence on the other end。
？Hello？？ Jenny demanded impatiently。
？Yes？ Is this Jennifer Humphrey？？ a polite male voice replied。
Oops。
She sat up straight in her chair。 ？Speaking。？
Jenny reminded Dan of someone just then； but he couldn？t quite place who。 Their mother； maybe？
Except the only real memory he had of his mother was of her trying to teach him how to tie a tie
when he was only five。 He？d kept messing up because her perfume was so pungent； it had made
him dizzy。
？This is Thaddeus Moore； director of admissions at Waverly Prep；？ the man introduced
himself。 ？Do you have a moment？？
Did she ever！
？Yes；？ she answered cautiously； her heart beating so hard； she could practically feel her ribs
cracking。 Dan？s pack of Camel filters was sitting on the table。 She reached for them and pulled
one out； tapping it on the tabletop like a veteran smoker。 If only her dad had left the wine behind。
？Good。 Well； I wanted to let you know that we received your application and the package you
sent； and we were very impressed； especially with your artwork；？ Mr。 Moore informed her。 ？I
myself spoke with your headmistress； Mrs。 McLean； and she couldn？t say enough kind；
enthusiastic things about you。 Of course； applications for next fall have been closed since
December。 However； due to unexpected circumstances； a space has just opened up for the fall。 So
if you？re still interested in attending Waverly next year； we？d be happy to have you。？
Jenny whipped the unlit cigarette at her brother and it bounced off his stupid； staring forehead
and onto the floor。 ？Really？！？ she nearly shouted。 ？Oh my God。 Really？！？
？Yes； really；？ Mr。 Moore responded with what sounded like a tinge of amusement。 ？We？ll send
you the paperwork today if you like。？
Oh； what a nice；nice man。 ？Yes； please！？ Jenny stood up and then sat down again。 She was so
excited； she thought she might wet her wrap dress。 ？Thank you。 Oh my God。 Thank you so
much！？
？You？re quite wele。？
She realized she should hang up before she said something really stupid and he changed his
mind。 ？I better go tell my father now。 I？m so glad you called。 Thank you。？
Jenny hung up； danced around the table； and threw her arms around Dan。 ？I？m going to boarding
school！？ she shrieked giddily； grabbing his shoulders and shaking his skinny； smelly body like a
rag doll。 ？I？m going to boarding school！？
？Cool；？ Dan responded； relieved that the attention had shifted away from his own dubious
predicament。 He fished a fortune cookie out of the bottom of the paper bag he？d brought his
Chinese food home in。 ？Good for you。？
Jenny spun around and hurtled toward her dad？s office。 Ignoring the strict rule Rufus had laid
down when she was just a babe； she flung open the door without knocking。
Rufus looked up in surprise； lit match and translucent green water pipe in his hands； the window
flung open and the warm air acrid with the stench of pot。 ？Grr；？ he growled。
Jenny didn？t even care。 She？d always suspected he smoked pot； anyway。 ？Dad； I got into
Waverly；？ she told him breathlessly。 ？You know； the boarding school I read about with the new art
program？ I got in！？ she practically shouted at him。 ？I got in！？
Rufus blew out the match； opened his desk drawer； and chucked the evidence into it。 Then he
opened his arms to give her a big bear hug。
？I just wanted it so badly； it had to happen；？ Jenny gushed； her face pressed into his warm；
smoky shoulder。
We？ve always been told； ？Be careful what you wish for。？ But maybe Blair had it right after all：
The more you want； the more you get。
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Disclaimer： All the real names of places； people； and events have been altered or abbreviated to
protect the innocent。 Namely； me。
hey people！
Our last night together
We？re now officially high school graduates！！！ Let？s get ready to party hearty？at the Yale Club！！
There？s no guest list and no dress code； so crashers？you may not be guaranteed a room； but
you？re certainly wele！ Definition of a crasher： anyone who did not graduate today and/or
anyone who doesn？t actually know the girl hosting the party。
Their last night together
Alas；B ？s lovely English lord is flying home tomorrow。 Will he break off his engagement to the
girl it？s rumored he？s been betrothed to since he was a wee lad？ Or will he marry her； leavingB in
the lurch？ At least she can drive off into the sunset in her new； adorable； bisque…colored
convertible Beamer。 Did you see it parked outside Brick Church？ Imported directly from the
Continent。 No one？and I mean no one？in this country has that car。
Your e…mail
Q：Dear GG；
I？m a premed sophomore at Yale and I heard that kidN has already signed up to be a lab rat for
the medical school？s psychiatric division。 Like； they？re going to give him all these mind…altering
drugs that they？re trying out； and they even pay him to take them。
？jrmed
A：Dear jrmed；
Like he needs to be paid？！ Anyway； first things first？the boy doesn？t even have his high school
diploma yet。
？GG
Q：Dear Gossip Girl；
My son tells me you are the voice of the young people and so I must ask if you know a gifted
poet who was on his way to Evergreen College but tripped over his heart。 You see； I am something
of a poet myself！ This poet was going to assist me with my history of sex poetry book； but he
writes to say he doesn？t e。 I am upset！ I need talented assistance！ Maybe you can e to
Olympia to help me。 You sleep in hammock。 My son makes good Greek food！
？professorpop
A：Dear professorpop；
My； is it ever tempting； but I kind of already have plans this summer。 Besides； hammocks have
never been my thing？I？m a 600…thread…count…Egyptian…cotton…sheet sort of girl。 Your book sounds
quite intriguing； though。 Good luck with that。
？GG
They finally caught on
Almost all the private schools in Manhattan have finally figured it out： Seniors don？t want to
take final exams or sit in class the last month of school； nor do they need to； since they？ve already
been accepted at college and are so mentally spent by then； they can？t possibly learn anything new。
So； starting next year； seniors will only have to go to class until the middle of May。 They？ll finish
up the year by doing an internship of their choice anywhere in the city。 Sounds pretty cool； huh？
Too bad none ofus got to do it。 I could have ？interned？ with an online news column and ？gone to
work？ in bed in my favorite black cotton DKNY intimates nightgown。 Not that I？m bitter。 After
all；I？ve already graduated！！！！
Sightings
Bmooning theYale Club out of her new Beamer convertible。V mooning the Yale Club out of