《简爱(英文版)》

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简爱(英文版)- 第78部分


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ently enjoy; all at once。 And then there are other chances in life far more thrilling and rapture…giving: this is solid; an affair of the actual world; nothing ideal about it: all its associations are solid and sober; and its manifestations are the same。 One does not jump; and spring; and shout hurrah! at hearing one has got a fortune; one begins to consider responsibilities; and to ponder business; on a base of steady satisfaction rise certain grave cares; and we contain ourselves; and blood over our bliss with a solemn brow。
Besides; the words Legacy; Bequest; go side by side with the words; Death; Funeral。 My uncle I had heard was dead—my only relative; ever since being made aware of his existence; I had cherished the hope of one day seeing him: now; I never should。 And then this money came only to me: not to me and a rejoicing family; but to my isolated self。 It was a grand boon doubtless; and independence would be glorious—yes; I felt that—that thought swelled my heart。
“You unbend your forehead at last;” said Mr。 Rivers。 “I thought Medusa had looked at you; and that you were turning to stone。 Perhaps now you will ask how much you are worth?”
“How much am I worth?”
“Oh; a trifle! Nothing of course to speak of—twenty thousand pounds; I think they say—but what is that?”
“Twenty thousand pounds?”
Here was a new stunner—I had been calculating on four or five thousand。 This news actually took my breath for a moment: Mr。 St。 John; whom I had never heard laugh before; laughed now。
“Well;” said he; “if you had mitted a murder; and I had told you your crime was discovered; you could scarcely look more aghast。”
“It is a large sum—don’t you think there is a mistake?”
“No mistake at all。”
“Perhaps you have read the figures wrong—it may be two thousand!”
“It is written in letters; not figures;—twenty thousand。”
I again felt rather like an individual of but average gastronomical powers sitting down to feast alone at a table spread with provisions for a hundred。 Mr。 Rivers rose now and put his cloak on。
“If it were not such a very wild night;” he said; “I would send Hannah down to keep you pany: you look too desperately miserable to be left alone。 But Hannah; poor woman! could not stride the drifts so well as I: her legs are not quite so long: so I must e’en leave you to your sorrows。 Good…night。”
He was lifting the latch: a sudden thought occurred to me。 “Stop one minute!” I cried。
“Well?”
“It puzzles me to know why Mr。 Briggs wrote to you about me; or how he knew you; or could fancy that you; living in such an out…of…the… way place; had the power to aid in my discovery。”
“Oh! I am a clergyman;” he said; “and the clergy are often appealed to about odd matters。” Again the latch rattled。
“No; that does not satisfy me!” I exclaimed: and indeed there was something in the hasty and unexplanatory reply which; instead of allaying; piqued my curiosity more than ever。
“It is a very strange piece of business;” I added; “I must know more about it。”
“Another time。”
“No; to…night!—to…night!” and as he turned from the door; I placed myself between it and him。 He looked rather embarrassed。
“You certainly shall not go till you have told me all;” I said。
“I would rather not just now。”
“You shall!—you must!”
“I would rather Diana or Mary informed you。”
Of course these objections wrought my eagerness to a climax: gratified it must be; and that without delay; and I told him so。
“But I apprised you that I was a hard man;” said he; “difficult to persuade。”
“And I am a hard woman;—impossible to put off。”
“And then;” he pursued; “I am cold: no fervour infects me。”
“Whereas I am hot; and fire dissolves ice。 The blaze there has thawed all the snow from your cloak; by the same token; it has streamed on to my floor; and made it like a trampled street。 As you hope ever to be forgiven; Mr。 Rivers; the high crime and misdemeanour of spoiling a sanded kitchen; tell me what I wish to know。”
“Well; then;” he said; “I yield; if not to your earnestness; to your perseverance: as stone is worn by continual dropping。 Besides; you must know some day;—as well now as later。 Your name is Jane Eyre?”
“Of course: that was all settled before。”
“You are not; perhaps; aware that I am your namesake?—that I was christened St。 John Eyre Rivers?”
“No; indeed! I remember now seeing the letter E。 prised in your initials written in books you have at different times lent me; but I never asked for what name it stood。 But what then? Surely—”
I stopped: I could not trust myself to entertain; much less to express; the thought that rushed upon me—that embodied itself;— that; in a second; stood out a strong; solid probability。 Circumstances knit themselves; fitted themselves; shot into order: the chain that had been lying hitherto a formless lump of links was drawn out straight;—every ring was perfect; the connection plete。 I knew; by instinct; how the matter stood; before St。 John had said another word; but I cannot expect the reader to have the same intuitive perception; so I must repeat his explanation。
“My mother’s name was Eyre; she had two brothers; one a clergyman; who married Miss Jane Reed; of Gateshead; the other; John Eyre; Esq。; merchant; late of Funchal; Madeira。 Mr。 Briggs; being Mr。 Eyre’s solicitor; wrote to us last August to inform us of our uncle’s death; and to say that he had left his property to his brother the clergyman’s orphan daughter; overlooking us; in consequence of a quarrel; never forgiven; between him and my father。 He wrote again a few weeks since; to intimate that the heiress was lost; and asking if we knew anything of her。 A name casually written on a slip of paper has enabled me to find her out。 You know the rest。” Again he was going; but I set my back against the door。
“Do let me speak;” I said; “let me have one moment to draw breath and reflect。” I paused—he stood before me; hat in hand; looking posed enough。 I resumed—
“Your mother was my father’s sister?”
“Yes。”
“My aunt; consequently?”
He bowed。
“My uncle John was your uncle John? You; Diana; and Mary are his sister’s children; as I am his brother’s child?”
“Undeniably。”
“You three; then; are my cousins; half our blood on each side flows from the same source?”
“We are cousins; yes。”
I surveyed him。 It seemed I had found a brother: one I could be proud of;—one I could love; and two sisters; whose qualities were such; that; when I knew them but as mere strangers; they had inspired me with genuine affection and admiration。 The two girls; on whom; kneeling down on the wet ground; and looking through the low; latticed window of Moor House kitchen; I had gazed with so bitter a mixture of interest and despair; were my near kinswomen; and the young and stately gentleman who had found me almost dying at his threshold was my blood relation。 Glorious discovery to a lonely wretch! This was wealth indeed!—wealth to the heart!—a mine of pure; genial affections。 This was a blessing; bright; vivid; and exhilarating;—not like the ponderous gift of gold: rich and wele enough in its way; but sobering from its weight。 I now clapped my hands in sudden joy—my pulse bounded; my veins thrilled。
“Oh; I am glad!—I am glad!” I exclaimed。
St。 John smiled。 “Did I not say you neglected essential points to pursue trifles?” he asked。 “You were serious when I told you you had got a fortune; and now; for a matter of no moment; you are excited。”
“What can you mean? It may be of no moment to you; you have sisters and don’t care for a cousin; but I had nobody; and now three relations;—or two; if you don’t choose to be counted;—are born into my world full…grown。 I say again; I am glad!”
I walked fast through the room: I stopped; half suffocated with the thoughts that rose faster than I could receive; prehend; settle them:… thoughts of what might; could; would; and should be; and that ere long。 I looked at the blank wall: it seemed a sky thick with ascending stars;—every one lit me to a purpose or delight。 Those who had saved my life; whom; till this hour; I had loved barrenly; I could now benefit。 They were under a yoke;—I could free them: they were scattered;—I could reunite them: the independence; the affluence which was mine; might be theirs too。 Were we not four? Twenty thousand pounds shared equally would be five thousand each; justice—enough and to spare: justice would be done;—mutual happiness secured。 Now the wealth did not weigh on me: now it was not a mere bequest of coin;—it was a legacy of life; hope; enjoyment。
How I looked while these ideas were taking my spirit by storm; I cannot tell; but I perceived soon that Mr。 Rivers had placed a chair behind me; and was gently attempting to make me sit down on it。 He also advised me to be posed; I scorned the insinuation of helplessness and distraction; shook off his hand; and began to walk about again。
“Write to Diana and Mary to…morrow;” I said; “and tell them to e home directly。 Diana said they would both consider themselves rich with a thousand pounds; so with five thousand they will do very well。”
“Tell me where I can get you a glass of water;” said St。 John; “you must really make an effort to tranquillise your feelings。”
“Nonsense! and what sort of an effect will the bequest have on you? Will it keep you in England; induce you to marry Miss Oliver; and settle down like an ordinary mortal?”
“You wander: your head bees confused。 I have been too abrupt in municating the news; it has excited you beyond your strength。”
“Mr。 Rivers! you quite put me out of patience: I am rational enough; it is you who misunderstand; or rather who affect to misunderstand。”
“Perhaps; if you explained yourself a little more fully; I should prehend better。”
“Explain! What is there to explain? You cannot fail to see that twenty thousand pounds; the sum in question; divided equally between the nephew and three nieces of our uncle; will give five thousand to each? What I want is; that you should write to your sisters and tell them of the fortune that has accrued to them。”
“To you; you mean。”
“I have intimated my view of the case: I am incapable of taking any other。 I am not brutally selfish; blindly unjust; or fiendishly ungrateful。 Besides; I am resolved I will have a home and connections。 I like Moor House; and I will live at Moor House; I like Diana and Mary; and I will attach myself for life to Diana and Mary。 It would please and benefit me to have five thousand pounds; it would torment and oppress me to have twenty thousand; which; moreover; could never be mine in justice; though it might in law。 I abandon to you; then; what is absolutely superfluous to me。 Let there be no opposition; and no discussion about it; let us agree amongst each other; and decide the point at once。”
“This is acting on first impulses; you must take days to consider such a matter; ere your word can be regarded as valid。”
“Oh! if all you doubt is my sincerity; I am easy: you see the justice of the case?”
“I do see a certain justice; but it is contrary to all custom。 Besides; the entire fortune is your right: my uncle gained it by his own efforts; he was free to leave it to whom he would: he left it to you。 After all; just
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