to passionless contemplation。 I understand； now； the intellectual mood of the quietist。
Of course my good housekeeper has tended me perfectly； with the minimum of needless talk。 Wonderful woman！
If the evidence of a well…spent life is necessarily seen in 〃honour； love； obedience； troops of friends；〃 mine； it is clear； has fallen short of a moderate ideal。 Friends I have had； and have； but very few。 Honour and obedience……why； by a stretch； Mrs。 M… may perchance represent these blessings。 As for love……？
Let me tell myself the truth。 Do I really believe that at any time of my life I have been the kind of man who merits affection？ I think not。 I have always been much too self…absorbed； too critical of all about me； too unreasonably proud。 Such men as I live and die alone； however much in appearance acpanied。 I do not repine at it； nay； lying day after day in solitude and silence； I have felt glad that it was so。 At least I give no one trouble； and that is much。 Most solemnly do I hope that in the latter days no long illness a this life of quiet enjoyment to the final peace。 So shall no one think of me with pained sympathy or with weariness。 One……two……even three may possibly feel regret； e the end how it may； but I do not flatter myself that to them I am more than an object of kindly thought at long intervals。 It is enough； it signifies that I have not erred wholly。 And when I think that my daily life testifies to an act of kindness such as I could never have dreamt of meriting from the man who performed it； may I not be much more than content？
VI
How I envy those who bee prudent without thwackings of experience！ Such men seem to be not unmon。 I don't mean cold… blooded calculators of profit and loss in life's possibilities； nor yet the plodding dull； who never have imagination enough to quit the beaten track of security； but bright…witted and large…hearted fellows who seem always to be led by mon sense； who go steadily from stage to stage of life； doing the right； the prudent things； guilty of no vagaries； winning respect by natural progress； seldom needing aid themselves； often helpful to others； and； through all； good…tempered； deliberate； happy。 How I envy them！
For of myself it might be said that whatever folly is possible to a moneyless man； that folly I have at one time or another mitted。 Within my nature there seemed to be no faculty of rational self… guidance。 Boy and man； I blundered into every ditch and bog which lay within sight of my way。 Never did silly mortal reap such harvest of experience； never had any one so many bruises to show for it。 Thwack； thwack！ No sooner had I recovered from one sound drubbing than I put myself in the way of another。 〃Unpractical〃 I was called by those who spoke mildly； 〃idiot〃……I am sure……by many a ruder tongue。 And idiot I see myself； whenever I glance back over the long； devious road。 Something； obviously； I lacked from the beginning； some balancing principle granted to most men in one or another degree。 I had brains； but they were no help to me in the mon circumstances of life。 But for the good fortune which plucked me out of my mazes and set me in paradise； I should no doubt have blundered on to the end。 The last thwack of experience would have laid me low just when I was being really a prudent man。
VII
This morning's sunshine faded amid slow…gathering clouds； but something of its light seems still to linger in the air； and to touch the rain which is falling softly。 I hear a pattering upon the still leafage of the garden； it is a sound which lulls； and tunes the mind to calm thoughtfulness。
I have a letter to…day from my old friend in Germany； E。 B。 For many and many a year these letters have made a pleasant incident in my life； more than that； they have often brought me help and fort。 It must be a rare thing for friendly correspondence to go on during the greater part of a lifetime between men of different nationalities who see each other not twice in two decades。 We were young men when we first met in London； poor； struggling； full of hopes and ideals； now we look back upon those far memories from the autumn of life。 B。 writes to…day in a vein of quiet contentment； which does me good。 He quotes Goethe： 〃Was man in der Jugend begehrt hat man im Alter die Fulle。〃
These words of Goethe's were once a hope to me； later； they made me shake my head incredulously； now I smile to think how true they have proved in my own case。 But what； exactly； do they mean？ Are they merely an expression of the optimistic spirit？ If so； optimism has to content itself with rather doubtful generalities。 Can it truly be said that most men find the wishes of their youth satisfied in later life？ Ten years ago； I should have utterly denied it； and could have brought what seemed to me abundant evidence in its disproof。 And as regards myself； is it not by mere happy accident that I pass my latter years in such enjoyment of all I most desired？ Accident……but there is no such thing。 I might just as well have called it an accident had I succeeded in earning the money on which now I live。
From the beginning of my manhood； it is true； I longed for bookish leisure； that； assuredly； is seldom even one of the desires in a young man's heart； but perhaps it is one of those which may most reasonably look for gratification later on。 What； however； of the multitudes who aim only at wealth； for the power and the pride and the material pleasures which it represents？ We know very well that few indeed are successful in that aim； and； missing it； do they not miss everything？ For them； are not Goethe's words mere mockery？
Apply them to mankind at large； and perhaps； after all； they are true。 The fact of national prosperity and contentment implies； necessarily； the prosperity and contentment of the greater number of the individuals of which the nation consists。 In other words； the average man who is past middle life has obtained what he strove for… …success in his calling。 As a young man； he would not； perhaps； have set forth his aspirations so moderately； but do they not； as a fact； amount to this？ In defence of the optimistic view； one may urge how rare it is to meet with an elderly man who harbours a repining spirit。 True； but I have always regarded as a fact of infinite pathos the ability men have to subdue themselves to the conditions of life。 Contentment so often means resignation； abandonment of the hope seen to be forbidden。
I cannot resolve this doubt。
VIII
I have been reading Sainte…Beuve's Port Royal； a book I have often thought of reading； but its length； and my slight interest in that period； always held me aloof。 Happily； chance and mood came together； and I am richer by a bit of knowledge well worth acquiring。 It is the kind of book which； one may reasonably say； tends to edification。 One is better for having lived a while with 〃Messieurs de Port…Royal〃； the best of them were； surely； not far from the Kingdom of Heaven。
Theirs is not； indeed； the Christianity of the first age； we are among theologians； and the shadow of dogma has dimmed those divine hues of the early morning； yet ever and anon there es a cool； sweet air； which seems not to have blown across man's mon world； which bears no taint of mortality。
A gallery of impressive and touching portraits。 The great…souled M。 de Saint…Cyran； with his vision of Christ restored； M。 Le Maitre； who； at the summit of a brilliant career； turned from the world to meditation and penitence； Pascal； with his genius and his triumphs； his conflicts of soul and fleshly martyrdom； Lancelot； the good Lancelot； ideal schoolmaster； who wrote grammar and edited classical books； the vigorous Arnauld； doctoral rather than saintly； but long… suffering for the faith that was in him； and all the smaller names…… Walon de Beaupuis； Nicole； Hamon……spirits of exquisite humility and sweetness……a perfume rises from the page as one reads about them。 But best of all I like M。 de Tillemont； I could have wished for myself even such a life as his； wrapped in silence and calm； a life of gentle devotion and zealous study。 From the age of fourteen； he said； his intellect had occupied itself with but one subject； that of ecclesiastical history。 Rising at four o'clock； he read and wrote until half…past nine in the evening； interrupting his work only to say the Offices of the Church； and for a couple of hours' breathing at mid…day。 Few were his absences。 When he had to make a journey； he set forth on foot； staff in hand； and lightened the way by singing to himself a psalm or canticle。 This man of profound erudition had as pure and simple a heart as ever dwelt in mortal。 He loved to stop by the road and talk with children； and knew how to hold their attention whilst teaching them a lesson。 Seeing boy or girl in charge of a cow； he would ask： 〃How is it that you； a little child； are able to control that animal； so much bigger and stronger？〃 And he would show the reason； speaking of the human soul。 All this about Tillemont is new to me； well as I knew his name （from the pages of Gibbon）； I thought of him merely as the laborious and accurate piler of historical materials。 Admirable as was his work； the spirit in which he performed it is the thing to dwell upon； he studied for study's sake； and with no aim but truth； to him it was a matter of indifference whether his learning ever became known among men； and at any moment he would have given the fruits of his labour to any one capable of making use of them。
Think of the world in which the Jansenists were living； the world of the Fronde； of Richelieu and Mazarin； of his refulgent Majesty Louis XIV。 Contrast Port…Royal with Versailles； and……whatever one's judgment of their religious and ecclesiastical aims……one must needs say that these men lived with dignity。 The Great Monarch is； in parison； a poor； sordid creature。 One thinks of Moliere refused burial……the king's contemptuous indifference for one who could do no more to amuse him being a true measure of the royal greatness。 Face to face with even the least of these grave and pious men； how paltry and unclean are all those courtly figures； not THERE was dignity； in the palace chambers and the stately gardens； but in the poor rooms where the solitaries of Port…Royal prayed and studied and taught。 Whether or not the ideal for mankind； their life was worthy of man。 And what is rarer than a life to which that praise can be given？
IX
It is amusing to note the superficial forms of reaction against scientific positivism。 The triumph of Darwin was signalized by the invention of that happy word Agnostic； which had great vogue。 But agnosticism； as a fashion； was far too reasonable to endure。 There came a rumour of Oriental magic； （how the world repeats itself！） and presently every one who had nothing better to do gossipped about 〃esoteric Buddhism〃……the saving adjective sounded well in a drawing… room。 It did not hold very long； even with the novelists； for the English taste this esotericism was too exotic。 Somebody suggested that the old table…turning and spirit…rapping； which had homely associations； might be re…considered in a scientific light； and the idea was seized upon。 Superstition pranked in the professor's spectacles； it set up a laboratory； and printed grave reports。 Day by day its sphere widened。 Hypnotism brough